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So he proposed

(15 Posts)
anon0967845682 Thu 11-Aug-16 09:59:46

I know i have no right to be upset and I'm a total bitch for what I did but it still hurts, so please don't be to harsh on me

I had a affair for 6 months, I was single and he had a girlfriend, we knew each other for 2 years before anything happened and there was huge chemistry from day one, he pursued me all that time and for a long time I stay away.

I finally stupidly gave in and trusted him, trusted that he was telling the truth about being unhappy, trusted when he said he was leaving, I was even helping him look at properties to rent. 3 times in the six months I gave him the the chance to walk away with no hard feelings and 3 times he came crawling back telling me it was me he wanted.

Then suddenly the girlfriend found out, from that very second he totally blanked me other than a few messages when she first found out to tell me " to deny it and not tell her anything" which I did!

No I hear they are engaged, he spent so long telling me how unhappy he was, how he was leaving, he didn't love her, avoiding being at home with her etc and suddenly he has proposed!

The whole thing actually made me quite ill at the start, I had never ever been involved with a unavailable man before and honestly never thought I would be, but slowly 8 months on I was in a good place, I was starting to feel better ( yes he is still the last thought I have at night and the first thought of the morning) but I was getting better and now this!

I feel cross at him and I feel sad for her, I stupidly denied everything to her when she was begging me for details and I truly hope he has changed his ways she doesn't and never did deserve this

Msqueen33 Thu 11-Aug-16 10:04:49

He's a fucking pig!!!! Be thankful you're now not stuck with the bastard. I would be tempted to tell his soon to be wife he's actually a cheating bastard but sometimes it's just best to walk away. So sorry you're going through this 🍫💐

anon0967845682 Thu 11-Aug-16 10:12:56

Thank you for being kind, believe me it was a tough lesson learned and I will never do something like it again

Over the months believe me I have been so tempted to tell her/show her the evidence, she begged me at the start and I done what he said (stupidly) And done nothing! I do honestly feel for her and hope she doesn't end up in a shit marriage and unhappy

Amelie10 Thu 11-Aug-16 10:18:07

Well if he was a pig then so were you. Don't play the innocent when you made a choice to have an affair, it takes two. hmm

loobyloo1234 Thu 11-Aug-16 10:18:31

Walk away OP. I've been there. I threatened so many times, to the stupid lying twat, that I would out him. BUT - although I was in love and he broke my heart - I never told on him. And I'm glad now. Walk away with your head held high. He will have his karma smile

Missgraeme Thu 11-Aug-16 10:25:15

Personally I would print off all the evidence and post it to her. He thinks he has gotten away with it and she thinks he is innocent. U cheated with her man now do the decent thing and save her from marrying a cheating twat! Imagine if she gets pregnant to him!

anon0967845682 Thu 11-Aug-16 10:33:45

Just to point out, I wS saying over the months I had been so tempted, I have no intention of telling now

TheNaze73 Thu 11-Aug-16 10:39:07

I think if you do anything towards her you will look bitter & twisted & she'll choose not to believe you. Walk away, knowing you've avoided a wrong un' & don't have affairs, as inevitably they'll reach a tipping point when something will happen & someone will get hurt

anon0967845682 Thu 11-Aug-16 10:49:20

Just to point out, I wS saying over the months I had been so tempted, I have no intention of telling now

ImperialBlether Thu 11-Aug-16 10:54:22

Why on earth wouldn't you tell her when she was begging you to? That is incredibly cruel. He was denying everything and she must have felt like she was going mad.

Tell her now. Summon up some decency and tell her enough to make her aware of what happened. You don't need to give her gruesome details, but she needs to know she's not going mad and she needs not to trust him an inch.

DietCockBreak Thu 11-Aug-16 11:01:25

Do tell her now, it was shit of you to do what you did, but don't make it worse by continuing the lie knowing she's going to waste her childbearing years with this total lying cheater, it's not fair.

Mybugslife Thu 11-Aug-16 11:23:28

Blokes like that are all the same. They will say whatever you want to hear but they'll never leave their gf/wife.
I unknowingly had a relationship with a guy who had a gf. They had split up when we met and he was living in a shared house. They also had a child together. We started dating and he would say he was going to see his daughter which I thought was great that he had such a good relationship with both his child and the mother. Anyway, he one day said he was getting evicted from his shared house and the only accommodation he could have was back at his ex's. Told me he slept on the sofa and spouted all these lies about how she was controlling him.

I'm not stupid so I ended it. He begged and begged said he'd find somewhere to live with me and he loved me and he hated her etc. I didn't listen and 3.5 years later he's still with her and they've got engaged and had a new baby.
He still messages me every now and again trying to be friendly it's hilarious! And I know of at least 4 girls he's slept with since getting back with her, one of them since they had their baby!

tornandhurt Thu 11-Aug-16 11:33:26

You were wrong in involving yourself with someone already spoken for.

You were wrong in lying when found out and keeping your dirty secret.

Chances are now she wont believe you anyway, you'll simply come across as bitter and twisted.

Move on, leave it be and spend more time focusing on your own life rather than someone elses. If he's not learned his lesson and does it again, then hopefully the next person will be more honest in telling her.

SandyY2K Thu 11-Aug-16 11:51:38

Why on earth wouldn't you tell her when she was begging you to?

Because the OP thought there was a chance he'd choose her and was being loyal to him.

Happens all the time.

If he was so unhappy why didn't he leave her? Why did you believe him?

adora1 Thu 11-Aug-16 16:48:30

Takes two so I'm afraid you will need to suck it up, you believed him but you still knew he had a girlfriend and carried on regardless. And now, you don't even have the decency to be honest with her, hardly the actions of someone who is remorseful, if you are, tell her and tell her how sorry you are for believing his BS.

Instead of being cross with him be cross with yourself for accepting someone who is already attached.

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