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Am I being unreasonable.......

(65 Posts)
Newbie7 Wed 10-Aug-16 21:27:43

Hello everyone,

I'm 32 weeks pregnant with my first child, I suffer from preeclampsia - yesterday I woke up and my underwear was really wet (TMI sorry) anyway to cut a long story short my fluids had been leaking and when doing the examination they discovered a cyst and as such I got kept in hospital.

My husband works away, so I called to tell him all the information, anyway he said he would grab some food and call me back. I tried calling him a few times to no answer and then his phone turns off. 2am he comes back to his accommodation totally drunk, when I said that it was unreasonable that his phone was off Incase I had needed him etc he said I was being needy and if anything had happened like labour etc it was obviously because I was doing something wrong. He said some truly vile things but I won't go into the details. Anyway, I was still in hospital all day today and not as much as a text or a call, when he text to say "we had to chat" at 7pm he said he couldn't be bothered speaking to me all day and the baby wasn't born so basically there was nothing he could do anyway. 

Anyway, the chat consisted of me being told I am totally unreasonable asking him to have his phone on him, and basically if I had went into labour what did I expect him to do about it, he needs time out with his friends and I'm just irrational and needy. Now this evening he is saying he just wants time on his own and will call me if he can be bothered.

To be brutally honest I am used to him running me down and slagging me off, mainly when he has been drinking, but my main concern is he has shown absolutely no interest in the health of our baby, he swears it me and I expect to much, when actually he's never been to an antenatal appointment or scan and goes out drinking at least 4 times a week, I feel I've asked very little of him. so I guess the questions is am I being unreasonable expecting him to call me last night and today? I just needed some support sad 

Littleladylumps Wed 10-Aug-16 21:40:41

Holy cow! You are not being unreasonable!
He sounds like a childish twat!
You don't need him running you down. He should have left work to be by your side or if that was not do able he should have been on the phone to you.

Haggisfish Wed 10-Aug-16 21:42:24

Why would you have a baby with someone like this? Yanbu. Get rid ASAP.

SleepForTheWeak Wed 10-Aug-16 21:45:10

Have my first LTB!!!

MmmCazals Wed 10-Aug-16 21:45:11

You're pregnant and he has the audacity to say he wants time on his own...

Well you can't actually turn back now, let's just hope he changes when baby is here

AnyFucker Wed 10-Aug-16 21:46:14

You would be unreasonable to stay with a cunt like this

PatriciaHolm Wed 10-Aug-16 21:46:36

He's clearly got form for being a verbally abusive twat who doesn't care about you. Having a baby isn't going to change that.

KatharinaRosalie Wed 10-Aug-16 21:47:20

Yes he will probably change when baby is here - for the worse, go out drinking every night because creaming baby annoys him. What a prize. Is he 12?

AnyFucker Wed 10-Aug-16 21:47:29

He won't change when the baby comes. He will get worse.

purplefox Wed 10-Aug-16 21:47:59

What the actual fuck? Why are you with this disgraceful excuse of a man?

ecuse Wed 10-Aug-16 21:49:38

My first ever LTB

CalleighDoodle Wed 10-Aug-16 21:50:11

Oh my god. Thats awful. Leave him. Seriously. He wont get better.

normastits5 Wed 10-Aug-16 21:51:35

What Anyfucker said .......

BeingATwatItsABingThing Wed 10-Aug-16 21:53:19

You shouldn't have to be used to his abuse. I can't believe how vile some people are. I would tell him he can all the time he likes to himself but not in the same house as me!

Missgraeme Wed 10-Aug-16 21:54:40

Change the locks when he is away and put his stuff in the garden. HE IS NEVER GONNA CHANGE!!

Newbie7 Wed 10-Aug-16 22:00:13

Thanks everyone, I really didn't know if I was just being unreasonable, reassuring to know I'm not. Probably for the first time in our relationship when he said what did it matter if I went into labour I properly thought........ This man can't care about me, and more importantly he can't care about our baby. Since he left me sobbing earlier, he's not been back in contact to even see what the doctor said. Perhaps I've been a bit naive. sad

iamabitnosey Wed 10-Aug-16 22:00:42

Wow! You ever tell yours/his family about his behaviour?!

Get out now, before his behaviour becomes physical to you & baby as well as verbal.

If you have anyone you can stay with, get your stuff and leave without telling him, if he asks explain that you couldn't be bothered to let him, the baby's not yours!

KatharinaRosalie Wed 10-Aug-16 22:04:13

you are absolutely 100% not being unreasonable. A normal man and dad to be would have rushed to the hospital or at least been glued to the phone. A decent partner would have been worried about you and the baby. Would never have told you that he doesn't care and it's your fault if anything happens, what a vile thing to say. Most people also don't go out drinking 4 nights per week.

MrsJoeyMaynard Wed 10-Aug-16 22:07:48

He sounds horrible.

And no, you're definitely not being unreasonable. A phone call would be the very least thing I'd expect from a husband who cared about his wife and unborn child in these circumstances.

Also, if anything does happen, such as you going into premature labour, it is not your fault. He is being very very cruel, and completely wrong, to say that "if anything had happened like labour etc it was obviously because I was doing something wrong".
My DC1 was born at 34 weeks, and it's normal to wonder why, and wonder if there's anything you could have done to change that, but really, it's not something you can look at and say with any certainty that if you'd done x instead of y, everything would have been absolutely fine. If you should have the baby early, then please, please, don't let him try and talk you into blaming yourself for it.

AnyFucker Wed 10-Aug-16 22:10:33

your bar must be set very, very low

subterranean in fact sad

midlifehope Wed 10-Aug-16 22:15:46

wowzer. He sounds like the least supportive man in the universe. Is there anyone else such as your mum or a friend, who can support you during this hospital experience as you will definitely need more help (physical and emotional) than he is capable of giving you. He sounds like a narcissist incapable of having empathy. Can you get another birth partner? Good luck and please give yourself the care and attention he's not capable of. Perhaps a gentle word to a midwife?

Joysmum Wed 10-Aug-16 22:17:33

Fucking hell he'd done a right number on you as should be really obvious that your not needed or being unreasonable.

Seriously, I know it's a difficult and scary time for you but could you look in to how to exit.

Things are going to get so much worse when your baby is born. You'll find it much easier to do it without him. flowers

Newbie7 Wed 10-Aug-16 22:18:59

Thank you, I think deep down I knew that it wasn't normal the way he was acting, but I guess made excuses. A couple of my friends have made comments before that he is an emotional bully, I've always put it down to his job as he for want of a better description seems hardened to the world. I guess that's me making excuses.

I appreciate hearing that someone else had their baby early and was thinking the same things, I would be lying if I wasn't questioning if any of this was brought on by myself, good to know there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I wouldn't say I set a bar, I just fell in love.

Really glad I posted this now, was apprehensive at first but it's given me some piece of mind.

GinIsIn Wed 10-Aug-16 22:19:46

I'm sorry but it's my first LTB too - why on earth would you want to be with someone who treats you like that?!

Newbie7 Wed 10-Aug-16 22:22:14

I don't really have a close support network - again I move around a lot due to my husbands job, I guess in answer to the questions....... I've stayed because I didn't really know any different, I guess my confidence has been slowly stripped away.

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