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My heart hurts

(17 Posts)
roarfeckingroar Wed 10-Aug-16 15:53:54

I had a thread a while back about lack of sex in my relationship and my now exDP who can become very verbally abusive when drunk (v regular) and angry (also regular, usually my fault). He's said some unforgivable things and I feel overwhelmingly rejected and that after 2 years, at 28 I should cut my losses.

I've now done so and told him I'm moving out today. He's being civil so far. But holy Christ it hurts. My heart aches, I feel sick, I just want to cling to him even though I know rationally it's for the best, it just fucking hurts so much.

Any advice from anyone or just a hand hold while I sob my heart out in the toilets at work?

discoballfever Wed 10-Aug-16 15:57:47

Hand hold here. You can do this be strong flowers

roarfeckingroar Wed 10-Aug-16 16:02:22

We have to live together for rest of the month. I can't eat anything, feel broken and like I've lost my best friend.

elisev Wed 10-Aug-16 16:06:59

I think the more important thing to do is ask yourself why your heart is aching for someone who has treated you so badly.

I left my ex husband 5 years ago, it was an abusive relationship (mentally, not physically) & I found it hard to leave. Once I broke free I started to 'renovate' myself. I took a hard look at my dating patterns and the results of them. I am now in the best relationship of my life- which wasn't easy for me to let start, but I realised if I wanted different results, I needed to take different steps. I am still constantly working on myself.

I guess, what I'm trying to say is, focus on yourself, think about how you are feeling toward someone who doesn't deserve your love or time. Try to stay strong, stick to your decision and promise yourself to always love yourself before anyone else. If we don't do it, who else will?

I send you positive vibes and strength at this difficult time but just know that you can do it, people survive these things and worse, and this too shall pass. How you come out of it at the other end is your story to write. Good luck X

roarfeckingroar Wed 10-Aug-16 16:15:48

That was really helpful thank you

elisev Thu 11-Aug-16 09:48:28

How are you feeling today roarfeckingroar?

roarfeckingroar Thu 11-Aug-16 14:00:17

Fecking awful and I think I might have said he could stay sad argh confusion

FunnyTummy Thu 11-Aug-16 15:56:10

I had to comment on this, as it is very much like my situation a while ago.

I left, but it took me a long time, and a lot of backwards and forwards.

I agree with previous posters when they say that you need to think about yourself, and why you are allowing this behaviour. It is so important to know that you are worth more than what he has given you. No one deserves to be verbally abused, EVER.

To try imagine your life with no stress, and no worrying every time he has a drink. for me, it only took a few weeks and I started to realise that the constant anxiety isn't a normal way to live.

have you definitely told him that he can stay? do you mean for good, or just until you get sorted?

LuckyBitches Thu 11-Aug-16 16:31:57

Hang in there Roar! It sounds like you're doing the right thing, even though it might not seem like it at the moment. I've been where you are now. I'm confident that one day you'll be so glad you did what you're doing now. You don't deserve abuse, nobody does.


FantasticButtocks Thu 11-Aug-16 16:35:08

Ok so you changed your mind and said he could stay. You can always change it back again.

FunnyTummy Thu 11-Aug-16 16:46:30

You will start thinking of all the good times, and all the times he treats you nicely. the memory of the most recent outburst will start to fade and you will start to let down your guard once again.

But it will happen again, and you will kick yourself that you didn't leave the time before.

People on here kept telling me that my ex wouldn't ever change, and they were 100% right. I wish I had listened sooner.


MarkRuffaloCrumble Thu 11-Aug-16 17:07:12

Oh bless you, it is hard, even when you know it's for the best. Just because you've caved doesn't mean that is it, decision made! He has to stay there until he can move out anyway, but you can set some boundaries and some expectations. TBH, even if he is staying for the time being, I'm afraid it sounds like he is living on borrowed time there.

One day you will wake up and realise that you're worth more than that. In the meantime, build up your self confidence and take care of yourself not him, you need to be strong so that next time it happens (and I'm afraid it will, it took me 10 years!) you'll be better prepared to stick to your guns.


FunnyTummy Thu 11-Aug-16 17:18:29

I agree with Crumble . . .use this time to build up your self confidence. Every time I NEARLY ended it, I managed to chip away my feelings for him. I made plans to see friends, looked after myself, and generally just started to care less.

this set me up in a really good position for when I was ready to leave, as the emotional stuff was pretty much dealt with in my head by that point. I just had to think about the practical stuff of where to go and who gets what.

You will be fine OP, you just need to realise that it's for the best in the long run.

roarfeckingroar Fri 12-Aug-16 00:22:20

You guys are amazing. Thank tou I thought I would be told to just sort my shit out.

However it has escalated. This will sound unbelievable but it isn't and I've been on here since 2009.

So I reiterated

roarfeckingroar Fri 12-Aug-16 00:22:39

Sorry o mean retaliated

WTFisThisShit Fri 12-Aug-16 01:44:52

Are you ok?

FunnyTummy Fri 12-Aug-16 10:03:56

What has happened OP? Is everything ok?

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