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Any thoughts - why is he still wearing wedding ring??

(25 Posts)
catty2016 Wed 10-Aug-16 13:48:25

I have posted before about how my H has been having affair with significantly younger woman from work. He told me he didn't love me anymore and wanted separation. I had my suspicions there was OW but didn't find out for definite until 2 weeks ago. Believe he was trying to do the whole pretence of separate first and later start a new relationship to make himself look better but at the same time was sleeping with her while still at home.
Anyway he finally left properly at the weekend. He returned on Sunday to take 2 DCs to see his new place. He is at least renting his own place rather than moving in with OW. He also took DCs last night for their first overnight and brought them back this morning on way to work. What I don't get is everytime I have seen him since he officially left (but also throughout the time we have been having 'issues') is he is still wearing his wedding ring. I haven't worn mine in well over a month since everything started falling apart. All friends and even my counsellor are confused that he is still wearing it. He is the one that decided our marriage was over (I tried to see if we could work through it) so why still wear it. Has anyone else been in same situation?

BlueLeopard Wed 10-Aug-16 13:51:05

Keeping her at arms length?

ItchyArmpits Wed 10-Aug-16 13:53:04

I'd take a guess that he isn't really that into the OW and is still wearing it to keep her at arms-length.

Or just to avoid having to explain its absence repeatedly.

catty2016 Wed 10-Aug-16 13:57:38

Had wondered that myself but they are supposedly so in love with each other (after 1 month of sneaking off with each other although my gut says they have been at longer than that but that's all he'll admit to). They've got a holiday planned together in October too.
Had wondered if it was so he wouldn't have to explain it. But I know he has told some people that we were separating and he even has it on when he wasn't going to be seeing anyone other than me and DCs. I personally think it is very weird.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Wed 10-Aug-16 14:01:45

I'd suggest it's so he can fuck with your head. But maybe it's something else, like a deeply family-orientated boss. Or to keep the OW at arms length. Either way, I think you need to disengage.

Missgraeme Wed 10-Aug-16 14:02:01

He is keeping his options open? Maybe booked hols to see if he can stand her 24/7and if he can't he can't to come crawling back to his old life? Or maybe he hasn't told work /family u have split up?

YouSay Wed 10-Aug-16 14:03:53

My gut would say he hasn't told people in work about the separation or the affair.

catty2016 Wed 10-Aug-16 14:05:09

His family definitely know. His boss knows as well as a couple of people from work but don't know how many/who etc. I'm not bothered in the sense that I am keeping my hopes up he'll come back. As far as I'm concerned there is no way back from what he has done to me. Just find it strange and wondered if anyone else had had the same experience?

Lilmisskittykat Wed 10-Aug-16 14:06:58

Maybe he just likes it as a piece of jewellery... Had a female work colleague who did this too she said it was expensive and she picked it and liked it so why not.

QuiteLikely5 Wed 10-Aug-16 14:07:01

He likes the ring? He paid for it? Is just used to wearing it?

JigglypuffsCaptor Wed 10-Aug-16 14:07:17

He's keeping face, he will have told work colleagues you've kicked him out and that he's trying to move on but can't really "woe is me" and also he will probably get bored of OW not long after his holiday and will then want to "work on things"


catty2016 Wed 10-Aug-16 14:09:13

Think you are probably right don't think people at work will know about affair and I suspect it won't be common knowledge about the separation. Probably only those who need to know. Still don't know why he would be wearing it at weekends when he is not seeing anyone from work. I am sure he probably takes it off when he is with her though.

brodchengretchen Wed 10-Aug-16 14:25:24

I would bet he does take it off when with the OW, she may even be living some/all of the time at the rented place. IMO H is wearing it when seeing you so he can be the 'good guy' in all this. You should ignore it. You would be amazed at how much this matters to cheaters.

What matters to you now is having your paperwork in order and an appointment with a family lawyer.

Pearlman Wed 10-Aug-16 14:37:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ElspethFlashman Wed 10-Aug-16 14:50:05

Yes it's a "good guy" move. How can he be a total shit when he's still wearing his ring? This way he can look mournful to people.

catty2016 Wed 10-Aug-16 15:08:39

Sounds like it's mainly for his ego then!

HotNatured Wed 10-Aug-16 15:18:32

To give a false impression to those who might judge him / senior, influential work colleagues

TheNaze73 Wed 10-Aug-16 15:25:30

Out of all the responses OP, I think Quitelikely sounds the most plausible. I don't think he's fake playing in the slightest & probably hasn't thought about it.

TheNaze73 Wed 10-Aug-16 15:25:44

Game playing

annie1959 Wed 10-Aug-16 15:27:31

I got divorced back in the 1980s and wore my wedding ring (but not my engagement/eternity rings) until the divorce came through - around 9 months after we separated. ExH was living with the OW and this was purely to indicate that I was still officially married - to do any different would just have made it more difficult to explain the situation.

I guess I tend to see things in black and white, you're either married or you aren't. For the same reason, when I was widowed I took my ring off after the funeral.

catty2016 Wed 10-Aug-16 16:00:29

I suspect there is probably an element of habit. But I have caught him going to put it back on but then hesitate and not put it on (after bathing DCs). He then went out after DCs went to bed and I have since found out that that was one of the times he was with OW. He has always taken his ring off for bedtime since we got married. As well as for showers, doing dishes etc. He is not one for having it on all the time no matter what.
He didn't pay for it, we split the costs of both of our wedding rings.
I am surprised in some ways the OW is not kicking up a fuss about him wearing it especially since she'll know that he is when they are at work together.

HelsinkiLights Wed 10-Aug-16 16:08:14

Guilt perhaps? Or just habit?
Worth asking him about why he's still wearing his wedding ring?
Maybe he's not that into the OW, wondering how on hell he got himself into this mess?
Well he's the one who should have known better.

SystemAticcally Wed 10-Aug-16 16:11:47

He can't take it off?

mrsbrightside3 Wed 10-Aug-16 16:16:16

I find / found my wedding rings quite symbolic - each to their own I guess. I think there is not one rule, it really is up to the individual.

When me and my exdh separated I didn't take mine off until we divorced 2 years later. My ex took his off after after 4/5 months after we made the decision to split.

My new dh said that he took his off a week after leaving his exw, she still had hes on until they divorced (but she had major issues accepting their marriage was over).

I didn't take mine off as I didn't want to be seen as 'single' so to speak. I think its a symbolic thing. Maybe he won't take it off until you get divorced OP.

In this short space of time, he just probably hasn't even registered he is still wearing it.

Ineversaid16 Wed 10-Aug-16 16:18:39

Often to do with work, they don't want to have to keep on explaining it to everyone. Also in some professions they feel it looks better. hmm

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