Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Can any Relate (or other) counsellors reassure me?

(6 Posts)
overthehillandroundthemountain Wed 10-Aug-16 13:00:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt Wed 10-Aug-16 20:21:30

Some thoughts.

It isn't the purpose of therapy for the therapist to solve your problems, it is for them to work with you for you to find a solution for yourself.

In couples therapy, it's not about the therapist deciding that one half of the couple is right and the other wrong, but about discovering the barriers to communication in the relationship and creating an environment in which communication between them can thrive.

It isn't for the therapist to validate your experiences, but again to work with you to enable you to accept the validity of them for yourself.

It sounds as though she perhaps senses that what you want from her is not what she is there to give, and that you may have become too attached to her as someone whose attention makes you feel of worth, perhaps for the first time in some years.

However these are only guesses based on the little you've written. You've said nothing about your DH/P and how s/he responded to the therapy.

She must have said something - no therapist would simply stand up, fold their arms, announce you can't be helped and walk off.

Think back over the course of the therapy, and try to reflect on where things got sticky. Was there any point she seemed to be trying to get across to you that you were unwilling to accept? Therapy is about enabling you to change, on the basis that if you do what you've always done, things will be the way they've always been. Did you enjoy the sessions but not really make any meaningful changes?

If you think back honestly, you'll find that the clues are there. But don't take it personally as a rejection of you. It's simply that for whatever the reason this time it (an objective it) wasn't right.

SandyY2K Wed 10-Aug-16 20:43:56

Did you ask why the Counsellor said this?

Were either of you agressive in the session?

I know that Counsellors will halt sessions if one party discloses something in their IC session that makes the MC a nonsense or if they don't really want to repair the marriage.

As an example. If there has been an affair which one spouse believes is over, but it's not and the WS discloses this in an IC session, then there's no point in continuing.

I know a lady who had 10 ddays, as her husband just kept going back to the OW, but didn't want a divorce. Typical cake eater.

In the end the Counsellor told her that there was no point in continuing, as she didn't think her husband was committed to the marriage and she told her that she (the wife), needs to discuss what the Counsellor told her husband in the session.

So she didn't divulge what was said, but it became clear in the end.

SystemAticcally Wed 10-Aug-16 23:38:14

Counseling is not a football game where you hope to score most goals. If you go into it with this attitude you wont gain much out of it.

overthehillandroundthemountain Thu 11-Aug-16 00:19:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

overthehillandroundthemountain Thu 11-Aug-16 00:21:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now