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Relationships

Can't cope with the pain of infidelity

39 replies

AudreyAnn · 10/08/2016 02:47

Hi everyone I feel I need to talk to someone as I feel so lost and bewildered. My husband finally confessed to having an affair a few days ago. He always denied it before tho I knew almost 100% it had occurred. The affair happened around 2.5 years ago. At the time he was struck by mental health issues which were diagnosed as depression but which felt like so much worse. He became a completely different person. Almost like someone had taken over his body. He could feel no love for me or his children. He left me twice each time due to feeling emotionless. He also got mixed up in serious illegal activities. Basically everything was so out of character. This in itself was devastating to deal with, that the man who always had adored me was now saying he felt nothing. Before the depression he was the most loving loyal husband. He returned home in Dec 2014 and we've been great since. His depression seems to be under control. However I couldn't forget about my suspicion of the affair. I confronted him so many times only to be told he hadn't. I asked this again a few nights ago and this times he admitted it. He says he is sure it was due to the depression that he wasn't in his right frame of mind. I educated myself in depression at the time so I understand this is likely true. It lasted around 4 months and started off as friends (he met her through personal training). I feel I want us to work and he does seem sorry but I'm just feeling so lost. I thought when he finally admitted it we could truly move on and get closure. But before I always had the option of thinking no he didn't. Now I know he absolutely did have an affair. I am fluctuating between hope and being certain we can come through this stronger to feeling absolute despair. The pain at times is taking the breath from me. I am so heartbroken. I honestly had always trusted him 100% and that is not naivety - I was previously married to a cheater and chose to divorce him. I waited years to marry my second husband to be sure he was a good man I could trust. I guess that's why it's killing me - he knew how I felt about affairs and what it would do to me. Has anyone had experience of surviving an affair? I just need someone to talk to. I feel I'm going out of my mind with grief

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Abmama91 · 10/08/2016 03:26

AudreyAnn I really feel for you
Feeling like you can't trust someone as close as a husband/partner is the most sickening feeling in the world. I found suspicious messages on my partners phone this time last year and it's really been on the backburner all this time although he absolutely denies anything took place. We had a massive row, after being together for eight years from a very young age, we had just finally moved in together and I was newly pregnant! It couldn't have happened at a worse time and has honestly left a slightly bitter undertone to a lot of our relationship since. We are trying to work through, I am trying to forget (since he vehemently denies, even though the texts were pretty black and white) and trying to move on for DC's sake.
How do you feel having had an admission? Do you feel relief that you know and do you feel that it is something that you might be able to put behind you? Or do you think that you will always have it play on your mind? Harbouring resentment can sour a relationship beyond repair (I've felt ours is at that stage more than once recently)
How is your relationship otherwise? Sometimes these things are hard to get over but worth working through if you have a great/loving relationship otherwise. Your DH's depression may have been a factor in why it happened especially if he did other things st the time that were so out of character for him.
Hugs for you x