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Partner still checking for OW

(11 Posts)
Mrs2ndbest Tue 09-Aug-16 14:22:46

So three years have passed since catching my partner having an emotional affair with the woman at work. Since then she left the work place and I thought we had mended most of the pain it caused. We have three kids under 6 and I am a SAHM.
I don't know why I did it, I hadn't done it
in a couple of years but guess it's all part of the learning to trust process. I went and checked the history of his internet on his phone. On there was searches for her name, and the fact she is getting married, and searches on the man she is marrying. Not just one or two searches but a lot. Now I'm feeling like he chose the wrong person. We haven't been getting on at all recently and I've been considering starting my own business so if things did end, I wouldn't be dependant on him like I am now.
I know I was wrong for looking but maybe I could sense something wasn't right again,
Maybe this is why we aren't getting on. He always instigates a fight over minor things and I'm left wondering where all that came from. Not sure what to think or feel and hoping someone could help me rationalise it a bit. I feel sick at the moment

smilingeyes11 Tue 09-Aug-16 14:47:00

Regardless of him checking her - if you are miserable and he treats you like rubbish why stay.

He sounds awful and you deserve so much more. I don't blame you for checking at all btw - but the fact that you have to shows there is no trust so I would say there is no hope for your relationship. Sorry.

TheNaze73 Tue 09-Aug-16 14:51:17

I agree with smiling

What does your gut instinct tell you? It's slightly different cyber stalking an ex from school on Facebook to checking out someone who was party to nearly bringing down your relationship. I'd be well angry

elastamum Tue 09-Aug-16 14:51:23

The fact you feel this way tells you all you need to know. Sorry, he sounds like he is trying to make you dump him so he can absolve himself of responsibility for the relationship breakdown. You deserve better. Walk away flowers

GinandTits Tue 09-Aug-16 14:58:41

Follow your gut - he doesn't treat you right, what positives does he bring to your life?

Mrs2ndbest Tue 09-Aug-16 15:14:11

None. He is extremely negative about everything. Only things he brings to my life is that he looks after me financially and he's a great dad. Otherwise he is like a walking rain cloud, pissing on every idea or good thought I have. It's turning me miserable just like him and I hate it about myself

GinandTits Tue 09-Aug-16 15:22:40

I think you have answered your own question then really.

AttilaTheMeerkat Tue 09-Aug-16 16:00:38


re your comment:-
"Only things he brings to my life is that he looks after me financially and he's a great dad"

Not that old chestnut again. How and why is he a great dad to his children if he treats you as their mother like this?. Women in poor relationships often write that sort of rubbish and lie to themselves when they can think of nothing positive to write about their man. This was really and truly over upon your discovery of his emotional affair three years back.

You and he would be better off apart, there is really nothing holding you at all together now. What do you want to teach your children about relationships, surely not this role model of one.

Pearlman Tue 09-Aug-16 16:35:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Missgraeme Tue 09-Aug-16 16:47:38

I personally believe kids need happy parents more than together parents. I read an article a while ago that kids are more damaged when they realise that their parents marriage was actually a sham /fake /together for the kids /dog /in laws or why ever. Tell him u know she is getting married and is he having second thoughts about making your life together work. ? U are entitled to happiness in a relationship not just as a a parent.

Resilience16 Tue 09-Aug-16 17:25:06

After you split and got back together again 3 years ago did you do any work together to see why you split/why he cheated and try to resolve any issues or did you both just brush it under the carpet when OW left and hope for the best?
Relationships break down for a reason , and if you get back together but don't/can't fix those reasons then they generally resurface again at a later date.
If you both feel you have something worth saving then you need to communicate better.
If you think it's too broken to fix then you need to start planning your exit.
Good luck x

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