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Additional needs and dating

(8 Posts)
seahorse92 Tue 09-Aug-16 11:44:23

Hi I'm looking for some advice regarding relationships and autism.

I want to start by saying that I have aspergers and have always had relationships with NT people. I don't think I understand my aspergers particularly well.

I have known a guy for some time now who has autism, I would say it is fairly mild, however I know he went to a special school when he was younger so I understand he is on a different bit of the spectrum to me?

I really like him, and he's made it clear he likes me too. He's funny, kind, genuine, I have had a string of failed and abusive relationships and therefore I am very wary of getting involved with another guy, but he's so lovely really makes me feel comfortable.

I would like to know if anyone has any tips on dating someone with autism, he probably thinks I understand him more than most as I have it too but I really don't I have a poor understanding of it. I really like him, I don't want to make him uncomfortable or be confusing. I'm overthinking this arnt I? Just for the record the fact he has autism does not bother me in the slightest (would be very hypocritical seen as I have it too!!), I just understand from having it myself that we often have quirks that can make relationships difficult if not understood properly. & the fact I am on the spectrum too means I'm not always attune to how people are feeling, don't always understand the cues people are giving me.

Please tell me this isn't a recipe for disaster? sad . I think I'm most worried because I know that I'm crap at guessing what others are trying to communicate and if he has the same difficulties how would that pan out?

I just need to go for it don't I.

seahorse92 Tue 09-Aug-16 12:14:15

Sorry the post ended up so long blush

candybar007 Tue 09-Aug-16 13:00:37

So you like him and he likes you and your last line was "I just need to go for it don`t I?"

It`s natural to have butterflies and even moments of panic so all I will say is tread lightly don`t go overboard straight away and trust your gut feelings.
Wishing you all the best seahorse.

seahorse92 Tue 09-Aug-16 13:07:55

Thank you- I just don't want to ruin a perfectly good friendship due to my difficulties

IsItMeOr Tue 09-Aug-16 13:17:35

I love this bit where you say "he's so lovely really makes me feel comfortable".

To me, that is the most important part of your post. Yes, go steady. But do go.

DH and I both suspect we may be on the spectrum/have traits (DS has been diagnosed with ASD). We have our moments, but the reality is that every couple have to work out how to communicate effectively for a relationship to be a success. For me and DH, that involves a few spreadsheets and mind maps, which some might find odd but it works well for us.

seahorse92 Tue 09-Aug-16 13:28:45

That's a really good point, any relationship has to go through that stage doesn't it. I will take it steady and that will give us chance to learn more about each others 'quirks' and find ways of communicating effectively.

He's a real inspiration to me too. He doesn't let the asd hold him back at all, he's really made something of himself, and has overcome a lot to be where he is today.

IsItMeOr Tue 09-Aug-16 13:36:03

Sounds like you're both smitten to me grin.

seahorse92 Tue 09-Aug-16 13:48:03

grin maybe being with someone who sees the world through similar eyes isn't such a bad thing smile

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