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I want to leave my husband, I really need advice please!

(8 Posts)
scaredgirl2 Tue 09-Aug-16 08:46:08

I really need some advice on how to leave my husband, I'm really scared and in a bit of a mess.
We have been married for 7 years, I have 2 boys to a previous relationship and a girl with my husband.
From the beginning we've always had issues with trust. He was very clingy and didn't like me going out, which was fine at first as I was quite flattered by it, but then it became very over powering.
We spent most nights out together, and then one night while we were out we had an argument which ended him him going off and leaving me in town. He came home at 5 am, and I found receipts in his pocket for a strip club for £300.
This totally crushed me, I was disgusted that he'd do that, he swore it wouldn't happen again. Then a year later the same thing happened....this time a lot more money.
We worked through it but now my trust had gone. When I look back this was the point I should have done something, but I didn't. This was about 2 years ago. I had my first night out without him 5 months ago. It was an early start so I'd said I'd be back around 8, but as the drinks flowed that turned to 9...10..11. I was in constant contact with him but was enjoying my first night out in years with the girls. I came home at 1am, and was subjected to the most disgusting verbal abuse.
A couple of weeks later, I had a conversation with a friend of a friend...male, and had said that me and DH were going out that night, I wasn't looking forward to it, I'd rather go out with the girls....and DH had seen the messages as he'd logged into my Facebook and saw them. He reacted really badly, and has changed all my passwords do he can check everything I do and say, he's paranoid all the time, if I go on my phone he wants to know who it is...always asking if I've had messages etc....
We had a night out with my work friends a few weeks ago, and he stormed out the bar because he said I was talking to a was an old school friend who just said hi etc...when we got home we argued and he ripped a picture frame off the wall and smashed it everywhere.
The final thing...his fantasy has been a 3 some which he's asked me to do loads, I've said no. He asked me a couple of months ago and I said if your that bothered go and do he did...not with me. Now I think the fact this hasn't bothered me at all says everything.
So now....I've thought about this for months but I'm really not happy, I'm miserable with my life, and I don't want to be in this anymore. I've lost all attraction towards him, he complains that I don't want sex. We go on holiday as part of a big group next week and I'm dreading it. I don't know how to tell him it's over, I'm scared how he'll react, where will he go etc...but I know I can't do this anymore.
Sorry this is really long but I had to get that out.

Finola1step Tue 09-Aug-16 08:53:33

First things first...if he is spending hundreds of pounds in a "strip club" then he is doing more than watching women remove their clothing. And you believe he has definitely had sex with others in a threesome. So your first priority is to have a STI check up.

If you want out, then you want out. Tell him that you want son space and that he should go on this holiday without you. Use the time to sort out the practicalities. .

What is your living arrangements. Do you rent or own? Jointly?

category12 Tue 09-Aug-16 08:54:53

Talk to local domestic abuse services and start planning your exit with their support.

Is it a rented or owned house you're living in?

scaredgirl2 Tue 09-Aug-16 08:56:40

We rent jointly, my name was on the tenancy as he moved in with me and his got added on after we were married.
I'm scared about how he will react, I've never done anything like this before.

category12 Tue 09-Aug-16 09:09:19

You need to talk to women's aid or local domestic abuse services, they will help you with the best way to get out of this situation. It's not right that you're living in fear. The doctors surgery will have information about local services.

You know that you want out, so you need to plan how. Have you friends or family who can support you?

scaredgirl2 Tue 09-Aug-16 09:12:15

The thing is the majority of the time he's nice, he isn't a bad person. He works hard and does support financially really well.
But for me I'm not happy, and I'm not prepared to live feeling like this. I know it's not right.

scaredgirl2 Tue 09-Aug-16 09:13:20

Also I worry about what will happen, where will he go etc? I know that's not my problem but I think these things too.

scaredgirl2 Tue 09-Aug-16 20:39:44


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