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I know I've been unreasonable so please help me put things right.

(22 Posts)
Notsurewhyimhere Mon 08-Aug-16 21:51:44

Right so hopefully I've posted in the right place. ( please don't bash me).

So I've speaking to a guy on and off for 2 years. We live a fair distance apart (4 hours) We had a big argument about something and I decided to cut all contact purely for the fact I didn't think the relationship was going anywhere. Whenever I mentioned meeting it was kinda just a lukewarm response. (I'm in a wheelchair so thought that was what was worrying him).

Anyway move forward to now and we are back in contact. I'm learning to drive and said I would go up north once I'd passed my test. Sadly I've had to move my test until November so I took the plunge and said I'd just get the train up next month at some point.

His reaction wasn't exactly how I'd planned. He said he would let me know when he's free ( bear in mind he doesn't work so don't know what he needs to sort out.)

I overreacted and said that clearly he doesn't want to meet me etc etc. He said a few nasty things and it ended up with a massive argument over 2 nights and is still going on now.

I'm not perfect but it's always me that gets made to look a fool and I constantly feel like I'm just being mugged off. I want to make things right but don't know how.

Sorry for the long post and thanks for any comments

Haggisfish Mon 08-Aug-16 21:56:01

I wouldn't bother putting that much effort into this one tbh. I'd focus my energies on finding a new one much closer to me! Sounds like the trust and spark have gone with current one.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Mon 08-Aug-16 21:56:03

I don't think you should make things right.

He's not especially interested in meeting you. That may or may not be to do with your wheelchair - it could just be that he's enjoyed talking to you for two years but isn't interested in it becoming more than that, it's not uncommon for people to just want someone to text. It could be that he's talking to multiple women. It could be that he's in a relationship, or he's lied to you about his life.

Regardless, he's not keen to meet you - he wasn't before, and he isn't now. Instead of being honest and explaining that to you, he's maintained a big argument and said some nasty things, presumably to try and put you off visiting.

Leave him be. If you need to still text him for a while and wean yourself off, do that - or just go no contact. It's up to you. Don't visit him, though, and don't be tempted to try and make this anything more than it is. He's already a dick.

ItchyArmpits Mon 08-Aug-16 21:57:15

Based on the OP, I'm not sure why you're the one making all the effort?

ThatStewie Mon 08-Aug-16 21:58:40

Why do you think you've been unreasonable?

It sounds like he's not actually interested in a relationship. All you have done is suggested coming to visit. That's not unreasonable behaviour at all. You were upset at his disinterest. It happens. And it's not a big deal.

Considering you've had 2 significant disagreements, he was nasty to you and makes you feel foolish, I would walk away. Zero contact. Block his email/ phone etc.

SandyY2K Mon 08-Aug-16 21:59:06

Are you sure he doesn't have a wife or a girlfriend already?

Notsurewhyimhere Mon 08-Aug-16 22:00:43

We have facetimed and spoke on the phone etc. I've explained that if the wheelchair is the problem if he explains to me what his worries are I can try my best to put his mind at rest.

I think the only reason I put so much effort in is because he doesn't work and lives on his own. I don't want him not to be able to afford to eat or pay bills because he's spent money to come down here if that makes sense

Notsurewhyimhere Mon 08-Aug-16 22:02:22

It has crossed my mind he may have a gf but there's no sign of anything on his Facebook page or anything like that

MephistoMarley Mon 08-Aug-16 22:04:01

Uh - I don't think this relationship is a goer. He sounds lukewarm and you sound over invested. Sorry.

Notsurewhyimhere Mon 08-Aug-16 22:16:42

^^ I have over invested big time. I feel like the biggest mug going tbh. Fair enough I'm hard work but I just feel like I'm a mug where's he concerned sadly.

sonjadog Mon 08-Aug-16 22:17:06

Just leave it. If he is interested, let him come to you.

Hassled Mon 08-Aug-16 22:23:00

You've tried, it hasn't worked, it's not your fault - it's just one of those things. If he was as in to you as you are to him he'd have been available straight away - you're clearly not high on his list of priorities. If you were, he'd be heading South rather than expecting a wheelchair-bound girl to head North on train. So call it quits now before you get more invested. There are nice guys out there - I don't think this is one of them.

Shizzlestix Mon 08-Aug-16 22:23:22

I'm sorry, I don't think he's that into you.

CalleighDoodle Mon 08-Aug-16 22:27:41

He isn't interested in a relationship. Youre wasting your time. Why would you want to persue a relationship with someone who cant afford to visit you and isnt keen for you to Visit him anyway?

SandyY2K Mon 08-Aug-16 22:31:29

Your instinct the first time about

1weekdown5togo Mon 08-Aug-16 22:31:55

I think if it was going to happen it would have done by now. Don't spend any more time or energy on this man.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Mon 08-Aug-16 22:32:12

This just isn't a goer.

His Facebook page isn't a great indicator, I know plenty of men at work who have long term girlfriends that they seem happy with but make no mention of them on Facebook. They either highly target posts including their girlfriends (usually just to her..) or just don't post about her or allow photos together to be uploaded etc.

Regardless though, he's not good news. He has no job, no money, he picks arguments. He doesn't want to see you, he makes you think that you're hard work and says nasty things. If you were in a relationship with him, everyone would be telling you to get out of it.

I'm sorry. There's no happy future here, just eight million red flags.

Notsurewhyimhere Mon 08-Aug-16 22:32:55

Tbh I would happily have gone up North. I wouldn't expect him to come down here and not be able to afford to eat or pay bills etc. My problem is with the way he reacted when i said I'd go up there.

I know if it was me I'd be really excited and would go out of my way to make sure I could see him. I knew deep down I think that he didn't really care and I've told him myself I don't think he cares at all about me.

Mar15mite Mon 08-Aug-16 22:33:17

Have you seen the tv show Catfish??

madgingermunchkin Mon 08-Aug-16 22:33:26

Sweetheart, his problem isn't your wheelchair. His problem is he wanted someone to talk to because he's probably bored and lonely.
It's got nothing to do with you, it's just him. If he wanted to meet you he would make it happen.

Move on and find someone worth it.

SandyY2K Mon 08-Aug-16 22:34:02

Posted too early.

Your instinct the first time about it going nowhere was correct.
You've not done anything wrong here to put right.

I think he enjoys the relationship at a distance. Why that is I can't say, not everyone puts everything on FB.

Notsurewhyimhere Mon 08-Aug-16 22:36:32

I'll be truthful now months ago when me and him weren't talking I applied for the undatables spontaneously. They rang me back and I turned it down for a chance with him I feel a pure and utter mug.

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