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Men who lie about their relationship with ex wife...has this ever happened to you?

(81 Posts)
Halfwayoranges Mon 08-Aug-16 20:21:22

My exdp told me he hadn't had sex with his wife for 4 years before they spilt.

3 years later I find it's not true... He gave me his old phone when mine broke and there were MANY sexual messages between him and exwife up until the week before they split.

I ended it based on that because I couldn't accept why he'd lie about it and he didn't give me a reason.

Anyone else experienced similar? Do men really lie about this stuff?!

timelytess Mon 08-Aug-16 20:23:05

All the time?

Ineversaid16 Mon 08-Aug-16 20:24:19

Of course they lie all the time about this stuff. When the wife gets pregnant thats an extra giveaway grin (sorry couldn't resist.

SerendipitousFoxley Mon 08-Aug-16 20:25:17

Of course they lie. "My ex is CRAZY" is a popular one, when most of the time that actually means "I treated her badly and she stood up to me". Not entirely sure why he'd lie about that, unless there was a crossover in your relationship starting and his last one ending. Seems a bit weird.

eyebrowsonfleek Mon 08-Aug-16 20:30:02

Of course they do!

My wife doesn't have sex with me is the cheating husband's equivalent to the dog ate my homework. My cheating ex told OW that one. He was shagging me 3 times a week until I found out about his affair and said that our marriage was sexless and he'd not slept in the marital bed for 4 years. grin

FreeFromHarm Mon 08-Aug-16 20:40:40

oooooh yeeeeeeh !!!!

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Mon 08-Aug-16 20:45:04

I received a begging email from my wanker exs new girlfriend some time ago appealing to my better nature, can he please see his children, he is such a loving father, I shouldn't let his knocking me back because they were together blind me to what's best for my children.

I read it while living in a refuge having had to run with nothing but my kids because he beat me and threatened to kill my son.

Oh how I laughed..... then deleted the email address.

FreeFromHarm Mon 08-Aug-16 20:51:57

You ought to be thinking now...what else has he lied about, get yourself tested for a start

Halfwayoranges Mon 08-Aug-16 20:53:14

I've never really got over it and the current man I'm seeing has said the same thing about an ex girlfriend and it's made me feel very cautious!

If you're having sex with your wife 3 times a week, why would you be sleeping with OW?! The mind boggles

FreeFromHarm Mon 08-Aug-16 20:53:24

Omg Elsa.....we are twins ....

FreeFromHarm Mon 08-Aug-16 21:00:34

hope you will not in to deep OP ?

ravenmum Mon 08-Aug-16 21:26:24

"If you're having sex with your wife 3 times a week, why would you be sleeping with OW?!"
Because you like lots of sex (duh), and love the thrill of it all. Read my ex ' s emails to his OW, and at one point she wondered aloud how he had managed to stay faithful to me for so long despite the lack of sex. Also years apparently. (Years in which he was in fact having sex with me ... and not just with me.)

Halfwayoranges Mon 08-Aug-16 21:30:26

That's what I said to ex dp... Couldn't believe he'd stayed faithful like that for so long! Felt so so stupid.

He said he was there for the kids etc etc. Still can't believe I trusted him. I'm so cautious now!

willconcern Mon 08-Aug-16 21:30:43

My exP said his relationship with his ex was amicable and friendly. In fact, she left him after abuse and hates him intensely. I left him too, after abuse. He now has a new gf, and I expect I've been described as mad/crazy/unreasonable/unfair etc etc.

singleandfabulous Mon 08-Aug-16 21:38:40

Ive had this too many times to mention. Me, single & 30, new boyfriend said he was separated, next thing, wife is pregnant.

Me, 39, dating a 30 something separated guy for 6 months. Suddenly stops all communication & appears as a hero in national press with wife & claimed to have been with her since university.

Me, 45, dating a separated man ... same thing.

Honestly, the separated 'status' simply means 'not with her when im with you' as far as some of them are concerned. I'd been introduced to these mens' friends & family too.

Cabrinha Mon 08-Aug-16 21:50:37

When asked "so go on - what's the story with your XW, is she buried under the patio?" my XH replied "no but I sometimes wish she was".

Quite why I deserved to be under the patio I don't know. After the proof that he'd spent our 7 year marriage sleeping with prostitutes, I left him. I took so little of his assets (i.e. I voluntarily ignore his business and most of his pension in our divorce) that my solicitor warned me the judge might not approve it. I told none of his family or friends what he had done. I claimed no maintenance. I stalled my career by staying in HIS home town so we could have 60/40 contact.

So yeah, I'm not sure why new GF was lied to about me.

He also claimed he'd had to "pay to keep his child in his life". shock
I am entitled to £400 CMS which I simply don't claim. I also (god this is outing!) gave him 9 years in which to repay my half of the house. I paid half deposit and all bills - it's actually my half, not some gold digger claim via marriage!

So yeah... My XH has definitely lied about his XW. Don't think you'll find many women who don't claim £400 a month they could have tax free.

jayho Mon 08-Aug-16 22:04:07

they re-write history to paint themselves in the best light and to make you sympathetic. and/or a nutter

mine was living with his ex as housemates as they'd agreed to split and she was looking for a rental.

They were actually engaged and she was devastated to be turfed out when he announced my pregnancy - ldr been seeing each other 18 months, I had no idea until we divorced.

When we separated apparently we did not have a physical relationship because of my non disclosed std's. Not sure how we conceived our children then....

eyebrowsonfleek Tue 09-Aug-16 00:18:07

I think that some of them genuinely think that they are great and that when bad shit happens with relationships/work/family it's because other people aren't as great as them and they did nothing wrong. hmm

My ex enjoyed the thrill of the affair and even when I knew but couldn't prove it, continued as he pleased. His OW believed all the shit he was feeding her and continues to believe bull like I limit access to the children. (They have mobile phones and couldn't be controlled even if I wanted to)

timelytess Tue 09-Aug-16 08:07:57

"If you're having sex with your wife 3 times a week, why would you be sleeping with OW?!"

I know someone (I don't have sex with him!), married forty years, has sex with his wife definitely on Sunday mornings and some other times, has 'half a dozen' mistresses he shags regularly and is constantly on the lookout for 'random women for sex'. He's good-looking and skilful with women and his job gives him access to lone females. Why does he do it? He's bored in his job. It boosts his self esteem. He likes a shag. He can get away with it (has done for seven years, anyway) and he genuinely believes that giving women pleasure is a good thing for them and him.

Some people like sex. Three times a week isn't enough for them.

timelytess Tue 09-Aug-16 08:08:44

Oh, and as its not my circus, he's not my monkey, so I don't challenge him on it. I'm very fond of him.

ayeokthen Tue 09-Aug-16 08:17:31

Other way around for me. Abusive XH new (very sweet, very naive) gf came on the scene and he went all "Super Dad" on us, "remember when I did x, y, z with the wee man?" Every time I just nodded and said nothing because I couldn't be arsed with an argument. Even when she turned up wearing my old engagement ring, saying it was a family heirloom, I said nothing. The straw that broke the camel's back is the day she dropped my DS off without XH and started a chat about how he's such a hands on dad and he's told her all about the things he used to do and how he misses DS (he drops contact when it suits, was never around in the year DS and I lived with him, was emotionally, physically and mentally abusive and did fuck all with DS who he viewed as an inconvenience). At that point I just told her, look love, he's a born liar, always has been, always will be. He's never been a dad, not to my DS, not to the other 6 kids he's got scattered about the country, and he's a great storyteller. There's so much more bullshit she's been fed but she's so naive she believes it all, bless her. I don't give a shit what he says, because I know the truth and one day DS will work it out for himself. He already says that my DP does more "dad stuff" with him (his words, no prompting) and that DP is the best father figure in the world.

Sooverthis Tue 09-Aug-16 08:31:24

Things I learnt whilst long term single
Men lie
Only date single or divorced men, separated is bullshit it either means married liar or still emotionally involved either way just don't.
He wasn't a perfect dad, no one is.
She wasn't a total bitch, no one is
Everyone has baggage
Men lie
The reasons their relationship broke down will eventually be the exact, exact, yes exact same problems you have with him so decide early if you can cope with his particular brand of fuckwittery. Codicil it can change, men can learn but the hard work will be yours.
Being single is actual rather fab enjoy it while you can.
Always have your own income no matter how small it's essential.
Lastly and this one's hard never live with a man you aren't planning to marry. Don't try before you buy especially if you have dc. Men like to be housed and looked after only do it if you benefit too, otherwise live apart and enjoy all the benefits.

HermioneJeanGranger Tue 09-Aug-16 09:40:23

Everyone lies, especially when it will benefit them and they don't think they'll get caught.

I had a thread on here a few months ago about my exP. He lied about everything. He told me he was never married to his ex. Then that he was married but the kids weren't his. I never met these kids (or his ex) so I couldn't verify his story. Eventually it came out that they were still married and the children were his, and that she took the kids and left after he hit her. I found all this out three months before we were due to get married. He also had three kids with another woman who he got with about a month after leaving his wife.

Then he wondered why I didn't want to marry him anymore hmm. He's back with his wife now. Good luck to her!

singleandfabulous Tue 09-Aug-16 10:08:27

Thought of another one. One of my ex-boyfriends recently got in touch to say that he missed me and wondered how I was (fishing). Said that he was 'house-mates' with the woman he was living with and that their relationship was one of exes living together for convenience and that he was effectivey single. I work in the same industry as her (she's very high profile) and through contacts, I've found out that they've been living together for 6 years and are engaged. She's desperate to get married and start a family (36 yo). He's stalling as doesn't want the responsibility and to be trapped (would put the scuppers on his plan to continue shagging around). Poor poor woman has no idea about other shady stuff in his past either, including some very high-risk behaviour.

They seem to want the security and respectability of a long term relationship to support children but at the same time, they want the excitement of new flesh and the freedoms of being single. Unfortunately, I don't trust anyone anymore.

TimeforaNNChange Tue 09-Aug-16 10:11:37

they re-write history to paint themselves in the best light and to make you sympathetic. and/or a nutter

My DH did the opposite. He downplayed the abuse he suffered at the hands of his exW - which initially created challenges in our relationship until we get opened up and he got support to come to terms with it.

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