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Should I have contact with my parents?

(5 Posts)
Candygirl39 Mon 08-Aug-16 18:16:29

There is a big history going back with my parents so I'll try to keep it brief, my mother's mum was very emotionally abusive, she left her Husband and 5 children (including my Mother) for another man. They were bought up by their Father, my Grandad.
She kept in touch with her Mum and she remarried. He turned out to be a complete pervert and groped young girls, unfortunately my sister and I weren't exempt from his attention. We told our parents how we felt many times but they never believed us really. The relationship we have with them has been fractured ever since. It all came to a head a few years ago when this man did something to a family member and I reported him to the police. He was arrested but as no one backed us up, even with his history it went no further. He has since died. We broke contact with our parents 6 years ago, I've since had a daughter they know nothing about. They met with my sister recently but it appears they haven't changed, however Dad is remorseful, but my mother is still the same it seems. I got a letter from Dad today asking for contact. I'm just so protective of my daughter. She's my DH and my world and she doesn't need to be subjected to my Mother's manipulative ways. I wonder though what would happen if my parents passed away, would I have regret....just feeling confused sad

Hope34 Mon 08-Aug-16 19:53:14

Hello

I am so sorry you had this childhood, and pleased that you are strong enough to come through it.

My immediate response would be to not make contact. you have come through so much on your own and tried to help another without support from these 'parents'. I too would want to protect my DD and DP if I were you.

Yes the question...what if they died...would you feel guilty?...why would you feel guilty when you were the person let down.

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 08-Aug-16 20:07:24

Ignore the letter from him, your mother's enabler and hatchet man. He is as bad as she is because he has also failed to protect you from your mother's excesses of behaviour. I would not at all let him off the hook either.

Responding to a letter like this just gives such disordered of thinking people an "in" to bother you even more. Do not open that can of worms. You made a choice to say no more and by remaining in no contact with them you have already done that.

Your DD needs healthy role models in her life and your parents do not fit that bill.

This link may be helpful to you:-

emergingfrombroken.com/what-if-my-mother-or-father-dies-before-we-resolve-our-relationship/

Jayfee Mon 08-Aug-16 20:14:20

It takes two to make a relationship, and that goes for mums as well as partners etc. People seem to ignore that sometimes.It is hard not having a relationship with your mum, but it sounds like you know in your heart that it will be harder to have a relationship with her. You are not the one who made this relationship so difficult. Enjoy your partner and child. I would say this best advice seems to be keep away from your mother.

Penfold007 Mon 08-Aug-16 20:44:23

Sorry let me get this straight; your grandmother abandoned her five children to your grandfather. She then remarried but new husband was a paedophile who abused you and DSis. You both told DM & DF but they didn't believe you when you told them of the abuse. You both very bravely told the police but sadly no one backed you up.
You are now a parent and your parents want contact and you question if you are right to say no? No your not, say no and protect your DC and you.

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