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Am I normal to feel like this?

(13 Posts)
Blushingm Mon 08-Aug-16 10:31:27

DH left 2 weeks ago - I asked him to. Things haven't been good for a long time - no affection, no intimacy, nothing in common

But I can't stop crying and I don't know why! My stomach is churning and I feel sick constantly.

I don't want him back as I was miserable so why do I feel like I do?

SfaOkaySuperFurryAnimals Mon 08-Aug-16 10:50:51

Your probably grieving what you have lost even though deep down you know you made a very difficult decision. Take each day at a time and be kind to yourself, pamper yourself and treat yourself like you would a dear friend/ family member had this happens to them.

Blushingm Mon 08-Aug-16 10:58:18

Thank you

I feel like I just want someone to hug me and look after me and tell me I'll e ok, that DC will be ok and we will be happy

MarkRuffaloCrumble Mon 08-Aug-16 11:02:30

Perfectly normal to grieve what you have lost (even if what you have lost isn't real, it's just a fantasy of what might have been etc.) Like you, I was the one to instigate the split between XH and myself 5 years ago. I cried my heart out for months, lost 2 stone as I couldn't eat properly (bonus!) from the stress, bawled my eyes out all evening the first time the DCs stayed away at his house. However, once it all settled and I could see how much happier we all were (including XH) things picked up.

Take some time to look after yourself, wallow if you want to, distract yourself if that works better, but whatever feelings you have (perhaps a tinge of regret, what might have been?) remember that you made this decision because you weren't happy with things they way they were. This is your chance to be happy now. And you will be. flowers

Blushingm Mon 08-Aug-16 11:11:36

Thank you mark

I'm not sure I could feel like this for months - it's bad enough just a few weeks! You sound brave! How did you get through it?

I wanted to be one of those old couples you see holding hands walking along with ice creams looking happy - that's never going to be me now sad

MarkRuffaloCrumble Wed 10-Aug-16 10:53:07

TBH, after a few months I realised that one of the main motivations for leaving him was how lonely I'd felt with him. He was never really invested in me or our DCs. He just didn't seem to have it in him to be the partner I needed. I started dating and met someone wonderful with whom I fully intend to be walking along the beach holding hands and eating ice creams when we're old!

Sounds a bit blasé to say I got over XH by meeting someone else. There was also a period of readjustment before that where I had to find happiness for myself and my DCs, but I had always intended to meet someone new as I craved that togetherness that XH had never given me.

Blushingm Wed 10-Aug-16 16:01:13

Mark - you sound very grounded and very happy! I'm v pleased that your life has become so good

Hope mine will eventually turn out like that.

Do you mind me asking how things are between your exh and you now?

ravenmum Wed 10-Aug-16 19:39:09

I wanted to be one of those old couples you see holding hands walking along with ice creams looking happy - that's never going to be me now
Not with him, maybe. But for all you know, those old couples only met a few years before!

AndNowItsSeven Wed 10-Aug-16 19:45:42

Marriage is meant to be forever it's a life long commitment. Unless there is abuse neither party should be asking the other be to leave.
It's normal to feel the way you do because it's not how things should be.
Marriage isn't about our own personal happiness.

talesofthevillage Wed 10-Aug-16 19:57:23

And Now, what rubbish. Marriage is not a jail sentence.

OP. Take time for yourself and you'll feel better soon.

RamsayBoltonsConscience Wed 10-Aug-16 20:01:12

AndNow odfod

It's completely normal to feel like this. I asked exdp to leave when I found out about his affairs and for about two days the anger kept me going. Then the grief hit because it is the end of a part of your life, something that was important to you and you do need to grieve for it. Sending hugs

LondonRoo Wed 10-Aug-16 21:11:53

My ex left suddenly and without warning. Once the shock wore off I was glad he had gone and wanted a divorce ASAP but still cried and went through a roller coaster of emotions.

It's grief and loss and the pain of becoming un-attached from someone we once held very dear.

There are so many things to re-learn - doing everything on your own, cooking for one, the things the ex used to do, re-organising pretty much every aspect of your life. I found it utterly exhausting.

It's almost 2 years on. I have met someone new, formed a relationship that is far better for both of us and just very different for lots of reasons.

Grieve, don't fight it, find small things to be grateful for every day... It will pass and in the not too distant future you'll be on a whole new chapter of your life. Make it a good one.

Roo

Blushingm Wed 10-Aug-16 22:16:11

Now - I'm not sure I agree with you

Everyone else thank you for being so understanding and kind. I hope you're right that I will feel more positive soon

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