Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Would you tell DH about this or forget it? Drunken friend

(28 Posts)
scroogeminion Sun 07-Aug-16 21:02:18

Last night Dh and I went out with some of our friends. Dh ended up taking another friend home early and met me at home, I shared a taxi with one of his friends who lives near us. During the taxi journey we were chatting and he suddenly put his hand on my thigh, i didn’t say anything but moved my leg away and he moved his hand then a few minutes later put it back. I moved it again but he didn’t this time and left it there. I should have said something or moved it but froze a bit. He didn’t try anything else and was chatting normally so I don't think he was really trying anything but am still feeling weird about it.

I don’t know whether to tell DH, I would like to but know he’d probably assume the worse and don’t want to cause problems if his friend was being innocent

loveyoutothemoon Sun 07-Aug-16 21:05:20

Well his friend was being innocent was he?

If it was me, I'd tell him.

loveyoutothemoon Sun 07-Aug-16 21:05:59

I meant wasn't

HughLauriesStubble Sun 07-Aug-16 21:09:38

Totally inappropriate of friend hmm Touching someone's leg is NOT friendly. I'm guessing the first time he was testing the waters to see how you would react. Has he previous form for this sort of behaviour? You're caught both ways really because if you tell dh, it will cause trouble but if you don't and it comes out down the line (ie if the friend tries something again) then it will look bad that you didn't tell dh the first time.

If I were you I would tell. If your dh was in the same situation with one of your friends wouldn't you want to know?

JellyBean31 Sun 07-Aug-16 21:16:04

It depends on how you think your dh will react. I told stbxh when one of his friends "accidentally" touched my breast when we were dancing, it led to a huge fallout and I wished I'd kept schtum!

Easystreet52 Sun 07-Aug-16 21:34:22

I wouldn't but would tell the friend next time you see him that if he does it again you will tell your DH.

These things can cause an absolute shit storm if you are not careful

sukindred Sun 07-Aug-16 21:37:22

I would tell him .

FleursDuMal Sun 07-Aug-16 21:42:13

Well that sounds really horrible and no wonder you froze from such unwanted touching. Yeah I would tell my dh about his sleezy friend and not want to socialise with him again.

SandyY2K Sun 07-Aug-16 21:45:39

Is his friend a tactile person normally?

Had he had a few drinks?

OneArt Sun 07-Aug-16 21:48:20

As it didn't go any further I wouldn't tell DH.

newworldnow Sun 07-Aug-16 21:50:56

He was drunk and probably wont remember. telling dh would cause drama.

DietCockBreak Sun 07-Aug-16 21:54:22

Of course tell dh. Why would you not? Then you and the pervy friend will have an inappropriate secret from your dh. You've done nothing wrong, so don't hide this as if you had, otherwise when he does find out he may think there was more to it. Just mention it so the two of you don't have secrets between each other caused by this dick friend.

AskBasil Sun 07-Aug-16 21:54:52

I don't see any reason not to tell your husband tbh.

Why would you not tell him? He's your friend, your partner, the man you share your home and life with.

scroogeminion Sun 07-Aug-16 23:08:18

I'm reluctant to tell him because I don't know whether his friend was being sleazy or just over friendly when drunk. He is not normally touchy feely at all but he had had a lot to drink. I think if he'd just done it once I wouldn't have thought much of it but it's the doing it a second time and then leaving it there when I had previously moved away that still bothers me.

I don't think DH would over react I just don't want to put that doubt there when i'm not sure about it myself. I doubt his friend will remember it.

ToastDemon Sun 07-Aug-16 23:13:45

Don't be forced into having a secret from your DH.

DontDeadOpenInside Sun 07-Aug-16 23:18:27

I'd tell him

DietCockBreak Sun 07-Aug-16 23:20:04

Just tell him the facts, you don't have to tell him the guy's motivation, of course you can't be 100% sure of that though I'd put a fairly large sum of money on it.

Dutchcourage Sun 07-Aug-16 23:22:10

Tell your Dh , don't keep secrets for this man. Your Dh should be able to deal with it with out knocking his lights out.

It could be innocent but it might not, this bloke might think this is one step closer to something else.

Either way if you mention it not a little secret between you and another bloke

Rachcakes Sun 07-Aug-16 23:33:06

You don't have to know what his intentions were to tell your husband.
I would. If something made me feel uncomfortable I'd want to tell him.

AskBasil Mon 08-Aug-16 04:03:13

He wasn't over-friendly.

It isn't friendly to put your hand back on a bit of someone else's body, when she's removed it from that bit of her body.

I'd tell your DH. As others have said, you don't have to second guess your DH's friend's motivations. But you don't have to keep secret his lack of proper boundaries when drunk either.

Tell DH. Don't keep this sleazebag's secret for him.

I don't think even the first hand-putting was "friendly", and the second cannot possibly be described as such. "My hand is going right there, and fuck you if you think otherwise". Not On! angry and definitely not "friendly"

Friends don't force themselves on you. Friends don't try to pull their friends' wives.

Tell DH. This is nothing you need be ashamed of. Heck, in your place, I'd be telling everybody in our mutual circle - feck knows how many other women he's tried this with.

And don't let alcohol be an excuse. If he really gets bladdered to the point where he does something like this, he's got a problem with booze or a problem with women or both. Either way, not your problem to fix.

Cleavergreene Mon 08-Aug-16 08:26:23

Tell your husband. He'd want to know. I certainly would.

MrPony Mon 08-Aug-16 08:29:38

Going to go against the grain and say that I would probably not tell him.

I think it would cause a lot of problems over one drunken mistake (wasn't even a kiss for ffs).

DietCockBreak Mon 08-Aug-16 12:46:06

But it wasn't her mistake MrPony, it was his. Why should she keep a secret from her husband with this guy just to cover his mistake. Her marriage should come before covering for him.

MrPony Mon 08-Aug-16 12:54:56

I didn't say it was her mistake.

From experience no good deed goes unpunished. I've been in a similar situation and it didn't go the way you'd think it would when it all comes out.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now