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How can I help my friend who is in an EA relationship?

(6 Posts)
ilovewelshrarebit123 Sun 07-Aug-16 10:39:57

My lovely, funny, kind friend is in another EA relationship.

She found the strength to leave her husband who was EA and violent to her. She was on her own for about a year and met an old school friend.

This guy is good looking, very funny, a good dad (to his own kids) but he treats her so badly.

I know I can't 'make' her do anything but I want to shake her to help her see sense.

We went out for the day yesterday, a lot of girls for an afternoon tea (all very naice) then drinks after. Nothing full on but a nice day.

He didn't want her to go, he made us 10 minutes late as he created an argument just before. He was trying to tell her not to go, she looked a mess (she looked amazing), she should want to spend the time with him etc (she hardly goes out ) and she got in the car nearly in tears.

He then texts her all day with really nasty comments about 'she's an alcoholic just like her ex husband' and calling her by her married name which he knows hurts her as she's changed it.

He doesn't live with her but he was in her house last night and she text and asked him to go home and he refused.

There are so many other things he's done (and I've witnessed many) I couldn't list them all. Here's a few though:

Turns every slight problem into her fault.

Talks to her like she's thick in a really slow deliberate voice.

He had inappropriate texts etc with a work colleague, but he is insanely jealous of any male friends she has or works with.

Creates a massive argument every time she's does anything without him.

Treats her kids completely differently to his own (discipline etc) which causes upset.

Expects her to conform to everything he wants to do and if she doesn't sulks for days.

Constantly compares her to his ex wife and the life he had.

This is so wrong isn't it, but what can I do. It's like he has a hold over her.

She runs her own house, he's not on the tenancy. She works, has all entitled benefits set up, two lovely kids, supportive parents and friends yet puts up with it.

Do I wait for her to see the light and just bite my tongue while he continues to squash her lovely personality. Or I can do anything to help her.

loveyoutothemoon Sun 07-Aug-16 11:00:28

Have you said anything to her? I would say something like " he's really not good for you". You really can't force it on her, it's up to her. But you need to show her you're concerned.

What a knob he is.

ilovewelshrarebit123 Sun 07-Aug-16 11:09:59

My other friend and I had some honest words with her last night.

Gentle and not horrible but honest, but we'd all had a drink so difficult to say if it sunk in.

loveyoutothemoon Sun 07-Aug-16 11:26:41

You should say something as well then.

loveyoutothemoon Sun 07-Aug-16 11:30:20

You could maybe say "I agree with (friend who spoke to her) and what she says. I wouldn't be in a relationship like this, he manipulates and controls you". Maybe tell her that you've seen a change in her?

ilovewelshrarebit123 Mon 08-Aug-16 22:44:15

Update, she got up the next morning and he brought her a cup of tea in bed so all is forgiven.

No discussion, no sorry, so he's done it again and she's not confronted him.

He's also unfriended me on Facebook for some reason, I've said nothing to him. He probably thinks I encourage her to go out!

My poor friend life is a misery with this complete knobhead sad

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