Upset regarding holiday

[Popsicle434544]

Name changed for this and am a long time mumsnetter!

Me and dp have been togther 6 years, lived together 4, i hav 4 kids from previous relationship (8, 11, 13 & 18) he has 2 (13 & 11) we have 1 dd together whos 19 months.
He has his 3 nights every other weekend and every wed night.
Good relationship all rpund, we r a well blended family, he gets lots of time alone with his too.

This year we agreed he would take his 2 on holiday alone, stressed he needs time alone and it would b good to hav a holiday just him and his kids.
We agreed.
Let me add he would b leaving our dd with me, shes a big daddys girl so its a big thing for her.

He left yesterday (camping) for his bonding one on one quality time week holiday, which i dont mind, i totally agree they needed this time.

Dp has just called me from camp site to say arrived safe, and that his friend has arrived aswell but his 4 other friends (couple with kids) would arrive tomoz for the wk.
I bloody fuming, and very hurt!
He didnt want me there cause he needed times with his kids and then invited 5 other families.

[Popsicle434544]

Posted to soon.

Am i being unfair being angry?

[RaptorInaPorkPieHat]

I'd be livid.

[rightguard]

Yanbu. I'd be fuming. Has he said why he invited them?

[TinyDancer69]

YANBU. I would be raging 😡 Why on earth would he say he needed one to one time with his boys - then invite another couple? I can understand the need for time with his older kids but to cut you out and DD in these circumstances would be bang out of order.

[Popsicle434544]

I didnt ask, soon as he said it i could feel myself getting upset so i rushed off the phone.

The friends/families that hav joined him r his ex wifes and his friends from when they were together.

I keep yoyoing bak and forth from feeling very hurt to i need to man up and maybe he hasnt been unreasonable

[WamBamThankYouMaam]

It depends. Is it a group of guys? If so then I get it

[rollonthesummer]

Had he deliberately hidden the fact from you that these others would be going?

[FiveFullFathoms]

No wonder you're upset. This is very hurtful. He told you he needed time alone to bond with his kids. It turns out that he didn't actually want that at all - he just didn't want you and your kids and his DD to come. What a twat. Sorry OP.

[DoreenLethal]

5 other families? Bloody hell I'd be fuming.

[MephistoMarley]

That's really shit. No other way to slice that. He didn't want you and your kids there but he wanted other people and their kids there.

[FiveMoreMinutesPlease]

Are they mutual friends? Perhaps he wants to bond with his kids with people he's known from before your relationship. Not that it matters because he didn't give you the full picture of what he was intending. Are the rest couples/families? I too would be hurt and feeling left out.

[davos]

You need to speak to him.

It's odd he never mentioned other people going and odd he then pointed it out.

When he said 'time alone' did he actually mean 'time with the kids without the other kids there'

Because I can understand that. But so odd he didn't tell you

[Popsicle434544]

No its 2 families and theres kids plus one of his male friends, they were all a friendship group from his marriage

[UnexpectedBaggage]

I'd be furious. He just wanted a holiday away from you and your DCs and lied to get his own way.

I'd find it very hard to get past that and I'd certainly be letting him know now how I feel.

[clam]

Initially I was thinking this was out of order, but I'm afraid I've now changed my mind.
We have close family friends that we have been away on holiday with numerous times over the years. The kids have all got on really well and loved those holidays. If dh and I had split up, then never having those holiday times again would be another difficult thing for the kids to bear. To add in your "blended" family would change the dynamic.

But I think he should have told you before now. Seems a bit cowardly to wait until it's a done deal and he's there to do so. But I suspect he knew you'd be furious/upset.

Are you going to tell him how you feel?

[FiveMoreMinutesPlease]

It sounds like he didn't want to tell you beforehand but now he's there he doesn't want to lie. It's a bit sneaky and I would be angry at that.

[SpecialAgentFreyPie]

Was it a coincidence the friend was there, or did he invite them?

I'd be very hurt too

[Popsicle434544]

I hav no issue at all with him having time with his kids its the fact that he also has a child here, hes lied to me.
Me and my dc's dont get a holiday but at time of planning cause he was getting time with his older two (they hav had a rough year with mum) it was ok.
Now
Im just hurt

[DameXanaduBramble]

Ouch, I'd be very hurt too.

[CodyKing]

I'd be hurt too.

However you wrap it up he lied - and he knows he lied!

There's a difference between boding with your kids alone and en mass party camping! Kids will all play together and the adults have a few bbq evenings - rather than read or tell stories to the kids

It's a different holiday

[Popsicle434544]

The thing is the option of my dc's going to there dads this week was there and me and and dd could hav gone with them camping, he was awarevof that option but oh no, needs time alone with his two

[clam]

But to take a 19 month old away on a camping trip with much older kids all round, would again change the dynamic. Perhaps they're planning to do lots of outdoorsy stuff like cycling/climbing etc..

I agree that it was sneaky of him, though.

[DrMorbius]

It turns out that he didn't actually want that at all - he just didn't want you and your kids and his DD to come

There is a less harsh version of ^^. When you are the "blended family" your DP has to share his time between 7 kids. He wants to go away and focus on his 2 only. Other people may be invited, but they are not his concern. He will not have to share his time between them. He should have explained better, but I think basically what he has done is not unreasonable.

[rollonthesummer]

YANBU in being upset and I strongly suspect he knows he's in the wrong otherwise he would have told you beforehand.

Did his children know the others would be there?

A phone call or text sent now saying, 'I can't actually believe you lied about this to me' is strongly in order.

[happypoobum]

Oh dear, I would be very unhappy about the deception.

His poor DC - did they genuinely think they were going to get 1:1time with their Dad? Have they also been asked to keep it from you? I would have thought it would have been mentioned at some point if they knew all these other people were coming?