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Friend with BO- what to say?!? Help!

(32 Posts)
Wauden Sat 06-Aug-16 20:18:09

My friend came to stay for three days and we had a good time. But when he stepped into my house, he smelt rank. I did recoil, not from him, but from the BO. Then I hinted: 'would you like to try out the new shower?' He did have a shower and then returned to say: 'Can you smell the nice shower gel?' But there was little difference.
Some people might get some water on them and some gel but the washing fairy does not exist, you have to work at it or use a flannel.

He left early one morning (leaving the back door unlocked and me vulnerable) and emailed me to say 'there was a barrier between us, he can't be around people who don't want to be with them, he has to leave' , pretty much ending the friendship. Then another email inviting me to stay. In this heat?!?

He is rather sensitive and likes things just his way and has walked out of situations before, just left suddenly. There is something going on, somehow.

What to say? Not 'You fucking stick, mate' as that would put his back up.

siapo Sat 06-Aug-16 20:25:13

My brother came to visit, I hadn't seen him for years, and had the same problem. He followed me everywhere and stayed for TEN days.

I know where you're coming from OP, it's an awful situation to be in.

Wauden Sat 06-Aug-16 20:43:39

Ooh, ten days, even if it was your brother, would be tough. Did you say or do anything?

Believeitornot Sat 06-Aug-16 22:00:02

I've told someone they smelt before. I just sat them down and told them

Yes it was awkward but they were clean smelling afterwards.

Wauden Sat 06-Aug-16 22:04:10

Believeitornot, sounds like you used the right words. Only thing is, my friend can be super touchy...

ZBWRDSM Sat 06-Aug-16 22:05:40

If people smell bad, it's usually their clothes actually and not their body. It's not washing their clothes enough that's the problem.

If he had a shower and didn' t smell any different suggests that was the case here.

gamerchick Sat 06-Aug-16 22:10:10

Well if he's super touchy and has insulted you enough to just leave suddenly then what have you got to lose to tell him why?

Wauden Sat 06-Aug-16 22:25:22

He should have known better not to have left the back door unlocked; he could have locked it and put the key through the front letter box. I don't want to lose the friendship, really.

UmbongoUnchained Sat 06-Aug-16 22:29:53

I had a friend stay for a few weeks and she reeked. After the 2nd day I told her she either showered right this second or she had to leave as I could smell her in every room.

Danglyweed Sat 06-Aug-16 22:37:54

I had a colleague that always looked manky and bloody stunk. Our team of 15 or so never said a word to him, we all went out a night out and my bf told him blush

StanleyPinkerton Sat 06-Aug-16 22:44:17

My friend's pre-teen has BO. She was telling me that she has bought him some aluminium free super Eco deodorant. Not sure I have the guts to tell her he was stinky when he was over the other day, poor lad - he needs something a bit stronger!

Wauden Sat 06-Aug-16 22:59:28

I left a can of the aluminium-free deodorant on his bed, but he did not take the hint!

CodyKing Sat 06-Aug-16 23:22:33

You'd really think they'd smell it on themselves wouldn't you?

I think you just need to tell him!

Clothes smell better when sun dried kills the bacteria better.

Just tell him

Wauden Sat 06-Aug-16 23:26:49

Thanks to all for your comments. What next - Just been finding out on the net that alcohol abuse can make people smell bad as the liver can't cope so it pushes the alcohol out of the pores. He does drink too much..., another tricky conversation! Wish me luck.

EstellaHavisham Sun 07-Aug-16 00:09:26

We employ several people and one of them reeks. Not of BO but a damp, mildewy unwashed smell. He drives our company vehicle and it stinks of him so much so that I have to drive it with all the windows open.
He has been on his own for so long. I think he washes but not his clothes too often and the strength of the smell of him is so bad that other staff have mentioned it.
I have no idea what to say to him about it though. He is so set in his ways that even giving him direction in his job is impossible so he wouldn't take this news well at all.

Wauden Sun 07-Aug-16 00:20:59

EstellaHavisham (great name!) - so maybe your employee had alcohol problems also and it comes out of the body a lot. Yes, I had to keep windows open and spray the air also. Boak...

happyandsingle Sun 07-Aug-16 00:29:29

some ppl just sweat more than others or have stronger smelling body odour it's not always there fault.

EssentialHummus Sun 07-Aug-16 00:42:41

The best wording I've heard for this is along the lines of, "I'm sorry to bring it up, but I think the deodorant you're using isn't working".

Badbadtromance Sun 07-Aug-16 01:48:22

He drinks?

Rosenwyn1985 Sun 07-Aug-16 02:33:30

I'd be honest. I'm one of those smelly people as the tablets I use make me have hot flushes. Worse, it smells chemically as it seems to leak out of my pores¡ I wash constantly, use a nice smelling body butter, a hard cream deodorant and a spray! It works but it's hard. I recently started a new job and when it got hot I just said "sorry, my tablets make me sweat, I've got a wash kit, prod me if it's noticeable". They said they hadn't noticed but I would rather know if I'm so busy or engrossed I miss it.

SpecialAgentFreyPie Sun 07-Aug-16 02:45:59

I had a friend who always stunk. Everyone teased him behind his back. Eventually I told him, very nicely. He was mortified, but thanked me. He never was stinky again!

I view it similar to if I have a period stain or food on my face. I'd be so humiliated if someone didn't tell me.

Believeitornot Sun 07-Aug-16 07:43:02

Yes he might be touchy but none will take it well. Better that than trying to avoid him

kittybiscuits Sun 07-Aug-16 08:24:50

He sounds like a nightmare. Why is this friendship so valuable to you?

Balletblue Sun 07-Aug-16 09:26:32

Surely it's being more of a friend to just tell him?

Calientejulia Sun 07-Aug-16 09:44:19

Difficult but I've had to tell the occasional person (work context) as a manager. Best way is not to beat about it but deliver the message with good intentions. Sideways attempts such as leaving deodorant around doesn't work and is probably more hurtful than an honest conversation. Use 'I' rather than you (so it doesn't sound accusatory) so something like - "this is a little uncomfortable for me but I've noticed some body odour. I wonder if your deodorant is strong enough because I know some are better than others. I also know that it is important to wash clothes on a hot enough wash, often enough to kill the germs that cause odour". I've found sometimes (usually the younger ones) are a bit clueless about washing or don't even have the facilities - saving it up to take home to mum or launderette. Having an honest conversation can open up the reasons if there are any or just that they hadn't noticed (it's like that nose blind advert!). The few times I've had this type of conversation it's always been OK. Good luck

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