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Is it starting again? What to do.......

(4 Posts)
Livelovebehappy Sat 06-Aug-16 08:50:26

Hi. I'm a newbie to posting on here, although follow a lot of the topics. Long story short: 10 years ago husband left me and the DC to live and work abroad. We were supposed to be moving there with him and had sold house etc, as he had been working there for a few years. But he suddenly changed, said didn't love me etc and left us. I suspected OW involved, but had no proof. Fast forward 3 years and he return to the UK with a new GF in tow. After a year she was homesick and returned abroad, me and DH hadn't yet divorced and we got back together. I found out after getting back together through previous old emails that the GF he had brought back was indeed the OW who he had had an affair with which is why he had left us initially. But as our life was now great; attentive, loving etc, I decided not to rake it up with him. I would not have got back together with him to be honest if I had known he had had an affair. Fast forward 5 years and I went on his emails earlier this week, with his permission, on his works email (he is self employed) to get some info on something I was helping him with. I couldn't locate the email, and somehow ended up on his personal email address where I went into binned items looking for the email, and there was an email from his ex GF sent this week, simply saying 'please email me'. It looked like he had seen it and put in the 'bin' and there were no sent emails to her which suggested to me he was ignoring her. I even trawled through bin and sent etc etc to see if any others, but there wasn't. I spoke to a close friend who said not to confront etc, but keep an eye on things. I've gone on his emails this morning, and his 'bin' is totally empty (had lots of emails in prior). I'm not sure whether he suspects I saw the other one or not, as I was quite upset afterwards, but obviously didn't tell him what I had seen, just said I was a bit tired, so maybe he found something on emails to suggest I had been looking at his personal emails, so had gone in to delete some, or maybe he has been emailing her back and is hiding evidence? But what do I do now? My first thought is to confront him, but I don't have any concrete evidence he has responded to her, and I don't expect I'm going to see anything now he appears to be deleting his emails. But my close friend has advised this morning (I txt her about it) to not say anything yet, but to see if change in his behaviour etc, as he may just be deleting her emails and not responding, but doesn't want me to know she is emailing him again. If it is starting up again, I am stronger this time round to just chuck him out of my life, as I really cannot be arsed with the drama again, and if he is starting contact with her, he clearly isn't committed to this marriage. What do I do??

ButIbeingpoor Sat 06-Aug-16 11:13:10

You need to talk to him.
Ask him if he is committed to your marriage and whether he is over the OW.
Tell him how you feel. Tell him you can't go through all that shit again and you need to know how things stand so you can plan your future.

Livelovebehappy Sat 06-Aug-16 13:23:39

The thing is, bitbeingpoor, not 100% sure he has text her back. Maybe he is ignoring and just deleting the emails so that I don't see them and start getting paranoid. He has been particularly nice and tactile this morning; talking about our plans for the future - what we will do when retired etc. DC's are pretty much grown up now, youngest is 18. She still lives abroad as far as I'm aware, so guess there is going to be no meeting up short term, unless he suddenly decides he is taking a working trip abroad. He knows I won't put up with twattish behaviour again, and there will certainly be no more chances even if I found he was just emailing her.

eloelo Sat 06-Aug-16 15:02:17

maybe keep it quiet but keep your eyes well opened

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