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Am I just being spiteful?

(25 Posts)
catty2016 Fri 05-Aug-16 21:10:50

So husband has had affair with significantly younger collegue (he's her manager). It has become clear that his boss does not know. Think it will cause him problems if his boss finds out which is why it is all being kept a secret. I have mutual friend with his boss. So have a way to contact him. Is it wrong for me to want to contact him and tell him what my H has been up to? My husband is leaving me to be with her.

Gingeete Fri 05-Aug-16 21:11:44

Absolutely do it. Why wouldn't you?!

catty2016 Fri 05-Aug-16 21:12:49

Worried I will come across as the bitter ex.

deVelvet Fri 05-Aug-16 21:13:58

Yeah you're being spiteful, but in my opinion do what makes you feel better to get through the day.

One day you won't even be arsed about this, but if it gets you through the day...

Bastard deserves it.

Just be aware of the repercussions and ask yourself if the grief is worth it

ecuse Fri 05-Aug-16 21:14:47

When you split will you need/want a financial contribution from him? If he loses his job you may cut off your nose to spite your face on that score.

Morally no reason why not, though. Sorry your husband is such a shit :/

Muddlingthroughtoo Fri 05-Aug-16 21:15:09

I'd do it, what if he's sacked though, will you lose out anyway financially?
I'd still probably do it, it'd be worth it.

ITCouldBeWorse Fri 05-Aug-16 21:17:12

Entirely your right and I would not blame you a bit.

However, if he could lose his job, would the lack of his income mean you could lose you and your children's home ?

Try speaking to your solicitor first and get some advice on financial arrangements. You could pretend you are being all calm and above the situation until you are sorted, and then screw him later?

Waltermittythesequel Fri 05-Aug-16 21:17:19

Do you give a fuck what you come across as, really?

Obviously it's healthier and better all round to maintain a moral high ground.

But, the bigger person always gets shafted!

I'd do it. But I'm a cunt.

catty2016 Fri 05-Aug-16 21:17:27

Yes am worried about repercussions. Not just for me but also our 2 DCs. Not sure it he would be fired but certainly disciplined. Yes will have to rely on him financially for mortgage, child maintenance etc.

PlanBwastaken Fri 05-Aug-16 21:21:24

Don't, in that case. And rest assured it almost always comes out eventually, so a quick divorce might be good.

ITCouldBeWorse Fri 05-Aug-16 21:23:24

Ok, so don't reveal just get. Get the best settlement you can . Then in six months or so, you can spill the beans.

Served cold and all that.

pimmsy Fri 05-Aug-16 21:29:48

I wouldn't.... but I'd relish in the thought that at any given moment I could!

Try and take the moral high ground even if it's hard.


catty2016 Fri 05-Aug-16 21:33:28

Deep down I know I shouldn't but somehow can't shake the feeling of how good it would be for him to suffer just as much as I have suffered over the last few weeks with all his lies and deceit.

OnionKnight Fri 05-Aug-16 21:36:29

Don't, you'll regret it if there's a financial impact.

mumofthemonsters808 Fri 05-Aug-16 21:38:58

I'd want to tell him, but hopefully I could stop myself and rise above it.I don't know if I'd be able to resist the temptation though due to being so badly hurt.

faffalotty Fri 05-Aug-16 21:40:14

So sorry to hear this has happened. What a bastard

I don't think you should tell if you'll jeopardise your financial security. It would be good for him to fear that you are going to tell though.

Imbroglio Fri 05-Aug-16 21:42:00

Honestly? I'd leave it. Causing trouble for other people, no matter how much they deserve it, won't make you feel any better in the long term. Focus on yourself and your children.

whirlygirly Fri 05-Aug-16 21:45:05

I very nearly did this - but - a good and wise friend talked me out of it and I'm very glad he did.
If you're relying on him for maintenance don't scupper that. Plus there is no way to come out of it without looking like an unhinged woman scorned. Write the email by all means (I did) then delete it without sending.
I'm so sorry, by the way, I well know how shit it feels flowers

happypoobum Fri 05-Aug-16 21:45:54

Sadly this would be cutting off your nose to spite your face.

I suggest you just fantasise about doing it and cutting his knob off and carry on doing whatever is necessary to get the best outcome from this so that you and the DC can move on.

As PP have said though, it might be worth him hearing that you have it up your sleeve if he doesn't play fair.........

catty2016 Fri 05-Aug-16 22:16:05

Thanks for everyone's thoughts. Sounds like as much as it would make me feel so much better, it isn't the thing to do. Do Iike the idea of 'tormenting' him that I could do it if I really wanted. Keeping him always worried....

happypoobum Fri 05-Aug-16 22:20:30

That's the spirit! grin

nooofthenoodle Sat 06-Aug-16 12:18:42

I did it and it did make me feel better, he got sacked and oh how we laughed. Yes I was bitter and spiteful but after being dropped from a great height I think that's understandable. But there were no financial implications for me as no kids or shared assets and I waited until I had all the money he owed me.

SandyY2K Sat 06-Aug-16 12:29:53

The financial aspect would be my only concern, if he lost his job. Otherwise I'd certainly get the info out there.

Why not.
Actions have consequences.

smilingeyes11 Sat 06-Aug-16 12:38:52

Is the maintenance court ordered or are you relying on his goodwill to pay that and the mortgage. I would get everything sorted properly with a solicitor first then I would drop him in it from a great height. Your own financial security is the top priority atm - even though I completely agree with wanting to sing like a canary to all who will listen.

Newbienew Sat 06-Aug-16 13:48:41

If in doubt do nowt. Wait a while as you can act later but if you do it now you may regret it.

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