Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Harrasment from colleauge.

(67 Posts)
workishell24 Fri 05-Aug-16 17:26:45

Basically I had a short fling with a college at work and now he is making my life hell. I am a nervous wreck!!

It all finished about 2 months ago as he accused me of seeing loads of other men, as the voices in his head told him this!! I had never seen him behave like this before.

He has since continued to touch my stomach, back leg etc, of course when no others are around. The other day he told me the last time we had sex he couldn't feel a thing, today he started a conversation about "fisting" and also asked me if I would wank him.

As he is clearly not in sound mind at the moment im scared of what to say to him and im scared to report him. He keeps threatening to tell we had a fling as this could get me in trouble at work.

He walks past my house a lot and today after a conversation became quite angry, he blames me as im upsetting him so much. He will say randon things about there being pictures of me in an orgy, which I know there is no such thing. The things he comes out with are ludicrous.

If I do anything about it im in trouble and if I don't im scared of him and what he will do / say next. He is like a ticking time bomb. Please help.

I would come clean at work and then contact the police, protect yourself.

AnyFucker Fri 05-Aug-16 17:35:37

Speak to your direct line manager.

This cannot be allowed to continue.

Alternatively (and not everyone will agree with this) if you have a burly brother/male friend get them to go have a "word" with him, making it clear that if he does not cease and desist he will kiss goodbye to his kneecaps. Sometimes the threat of violence or the hard word from a bloke is all these idiots will understand.

workishell24 Fri 05-Aug-16 17:36:39

If I come clean im at risk of losing my job. I cant afford that. I keep hoping he will sort himself out, there are days when everything is normal then the next he is rambling all this rubbish again and quite explicit with it.

alvinp Fri 05-Aug-16 17:37:55

This is harassment and there are laws to protect you from this. If possible check your company HR policies but generally I would advise you to go to your HR Department and confidentiality seek their help.

If they are not helpful you can go external for help. It escapes me now but I will look it up for you.

I assume you are in UK.

Dozer Fri 05-Aug-16 17:38:36

suggest you contact the police, and do tell someone senior at work.

workishell24 Fri 05-Aug-16 17:39:17

Anyfucker ~ Should I admit to the relationship, there is no evidence, and no one ever knew. Another colleague has recently spoken how he doesn't seem to be in the right frame of mind at the moment, she through he was out of it on drink and drugs though. I know hes not, it is obvious it is MH but he is very clever at when and how it shows.

aintnosunshinewhenbriesgone Fri 05-Aug-16 17:41:22

OP, mind me asking what do you do for a living?
This guy is manipulating you & sounds mentally unstable.
Surely your employees value you & your safety more than the knowledge that you had a fling with another employee?

aintnosunshinewhenbriesgone Fri 05-Aug-16 17:43:04

Sorry, your employers value you not employees

DPotter Fri 05-Aug-16 17:43:58

If you really can't discuss this with your manager then you need to report this immediately to the police. In fact this may be the better option anyway.

May I ask why you will get into trouble at work ? It's the rare employer these days who prohibits relationships between staff, unless its between staff of widely differing grades. If this latter is the case and you are the junior partner, being the junior partner should be helpful. If you are the senior, better to own up and get help before things escalate out of control. Your safety at this point is more important than a work disciplinary

In the meantime, do you have somewhere else you could stay over the weekend at least ?

AnyFucker Fri 05-Aug-16 17:44:09

would you be instantly dismissed if you admit there was a relationship (of sorts) ?

there are not many workplaces that would enforce that policy

you might have some explaining to do...but this really has to be stopped in it's tracks. My workplace might frown a bit but they would prefer an employee to take steps to sort it rather than have their worklife adversely affected

workishell24 Fri 05-Aug-16 17:46:24

aintnosunshinewhenbriesgone ~ I work in the customer service industry.

One day he came into my locked office as he thought he would catch me at it with another man. Now he said I left the door open but i KNOW i didn't, I am so vigilant with that door!!

He twists things so much. If I could afford to leave I would, but im a single parent and need this job, he knows that.

He has in the past asked if im pregnant, a lesbian, get involved in orgies, sex sites, I just don't know where all this comes from.

AnyFucker Fri 05-Aug-16 17:51:58

fuck that shit

just get him kneecapped and cut out the middle bit

fuckyoucanceryoucuntingknob Fri 05-Aug-16 17:56:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fuckyoucanceryoucuntingknob Fri 05-Aug-16 17:57:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SnakesandKnives Fri 05-Aug-16 17:59:44

Whilst I would usually be first in line to recommend a good kneecapping.....from what the OP says, this is 'bizarre' behaviour for him rather than he's just one of those blokes who thinks that shit might work with someone....I.e. - he's a bit unbalanced currently. So unless you have him killed it might not work.

I really think you need to tell your manager (unless it's him of course) and explain what's happened - you had a brief relationship. It ended. He's gone weird and you're scared and don't know what to do. You haven't done anything wrong here so just treat it like that

alvinp Fri 05-Aug-16 18:00:58

ACAS will offer free advice, especially if you feel your job is at risk. Even if a company has policies against relationships at work it is unlikely to result in disciplinary action. Your employer has a duty of care and their first response will be to protect you. If they fail to do this they can be in trouble themselves.

One helpful article here:

Please don't allow this person to bully you, get help.

SmilingButClueless Fri 05-Aug-16 18:02:03

I'm envious that you have a lockable office door. It's all open plan around here.

(Misses point of thread)

But, yes, HR sounds like a good idea. Even if you hadn't had a relationship, HR sounds like a good idea considering some of the things he's coming out with.

workishell24 Fri 05-Aug-16 18:05:54

fuckyoucanceryoucuntingknob # No nothing ever happened during work time. If im honest it was a fling where there was 4 or 5 occasions of sex but never at work.
He is single with nothing to lose as I don't think he would care if he lost his job or not.
I had actually forgotten he forced a kiss on me twice last week by grabbing my head and kissing me on the lips. The gets all jokes about it.

I am terrified of him. He is threatening to turn up on a holiday im going on and I wouldn't put it past him if im honest.

fuckyoucanceryoucuntingknob Fri 05-Aug-16 18:06:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadisonMontgomery Fri 05-Aug-16 18:07:01

Does he have any proof? Incriminating texts, photos, friends who have met you etc? If not, I think I would be tempted to tell your line manager part of the truth - maybe that you were flirting etc and then that he is now saying some creepy stuff.

SandyY2K Fri 05-Aug-16 18:07:41

What would get you in trouble? The actual relationship or because you had sex at work?

Can you not make it so you don't get left alone with him?

I'd be very careful of denying the relationship, because he could have proof you don't know about and your lies could get you in trouble.

I'm a HR professional and not many relationships at work would get you fired even if they are wrong, but one employee who had sex at work with another employee did loose his job.

UnexpectedBaggage Fri 05-Aug-16 18:09:34

Police, OP, this can only get worse. Then a solicitor for a restraining order.

OnionKnight Fri 05-Aug-16 18:10:08

I agree with AF, you need a scary bastard to have 'words' with him.

SandyY2K Fri 05-Aug-16 18:14:02

Just saw your last post. Why does he know your holiday destination?

You need to request a meeting with your line manager and HR to report this.

But he will likely get suspended from work. Now the problem is, you don't have proof of the harassment, so it will be a he said, she said case.

With an allegation like that he would get suspended from work. Would he come after you and hurt you if he got suspended?

If you think he's dangerous, then go to the police and not HR.

Can you tell him to leave you alone or you'll report it to HR?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now