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When do you say enough's enough?

(2 Posts)
PeachStone Fri 05-Aug-16 17:12:40

I've totally had it with XH. Since we separated three years ago he's:
- taken over two years to pay me back a large amount of money, going on holidays and weekends away in the meantime
- doesn't contribute to the DC's needs like school uniform, activities, birthdays, xmas, etc
- is repeatedly late with child support even though he pays a reduced amount
- expects me to do everything for the DC like school runs, activities. He won't even take them to parties if they fall on his weekend.
- is so financially incompetent, I've had to lend him money so he can have our DC on his contact
- is nasty and abusive towards me
- has introduced four different women to the DC in a one year period.
- doesn't take good care of the DC e.g. doesn't bath then or brush their teeth, dresses them in stuff too small etc.

The DC (5&7) go through phases of refusing to go to his on his scheduled contact. They tell me he is not nice to them, shouts a lot and doesn't do anything with them, choosing to stay at home and let them watch tv or play on tablets.

Lately, DD(5) has started refusing to go. Usually they both refuse at the same time but DD(7) is more of a daddy's girl and is currently happy to go (she also has some issues at the moment). He quite clearly favours our eldest and so this current situation suits him to the ground. He makes no effort to encourage the younger DD to want to go, instead coldly telling her to get out of his car if she shows signs of being upset. Obviously the longer this goes on, the less she wants to go. Another thing I'm upset about is that he's putting them into separate bedrooms (giving the eldest the very large double bedroom they currently share) and the youngest the box room. This is because the youngest cries at night hmm. They share a room at my house and I think separating them will exacerbate the issues my eldest is having and will further discourage my youngest from wanting to go to her dad's.

The only time he has asked to have them over the summer holidays was today through till Monday, taking them to a caravan at the seaside. He turned up for them without a booster seat and a large wedge of cash in the middle console (he's currently two months behind on child maintenance) but I said nothing except it was a legal requirement to have a booster seat for the youngest and he should get one ASAP. DD(5) was reluctant to go but I did my best to encourage her to go telling her she'd have fun etc whilst strapping her into the car. He did nothing to help as per usual instead saying he couldn't be bothered with this (meaning her reluctance). He drove off then returned a minute later, she let herself out of the car and he drove off with just the eldest. I called him but he refused to come back for the youngest.

I have absolutely no time away from the DC and as I'm trying to set up a business (currently unemployed due to fixed contract ending and also life long condition which my doctors are struggling to stabilise) I desperately needed this weekend to get things done and rest (illness again).

I'm so livid that he gets away with this. I've had enough of everything falling to me and the fact that he can so easily separate the DC without any remorse. He literally doesn't care.

What should I do? Should I let my eldest go on her own or keep trying to persuade the youngest to go too or even say he cannot take one without the other? In all honesty, I don't want him to see them anymore as he's next to useless anyway and I would consider some of his parenting borderline neglect. There is no court order in place currently but I can't afford a solicitor either. I feel stuck and powerless sadangry.

SeenoevilHearnoevilSpeaknoevil Fri 05-Aug-16 17:29:05

I split with my XP when I was pregnant with DD2 who is turning 5yo in 2 weeks. Since then I've pushed and pushed at him to actually have DD's and it took me two years and him meeting a woman with a child herself to make an effort: then they moved in together and the contact got less and less frequent. Probably once a month now? My eldest DD Hates to go and my second DD is hit and miss. But... He favours eldest. Always has. Like my youngest isn't good enough. Money wise I went through CM to get money. Now when he doesn't pay I threaten to call
As he can be taken to court. He soon pays. As for helping with things, again I do it all myself and I have a 3rd DD too; so am dragging 3 around all the time. I get no help from him and do you know what? I'm
Glad! Because when the DC are older
They will know I did it all and he will lose out.

I hope things get better OP. But you need to stand up and be heard.

Good luck! flowers

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