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Cheating allegations.. How to get to the truth

(51 Posts)
Silvermockingbird Fri 05-Aug-16 00:07:25

So basically was in the car with DP and his friends newly-ex GF walks past (they give each other some pathetic glare because they really don't get along) I don't know her. I get home and have a FB message off her saying tell your "cheating" DP not to look at me like that blah blah.. I can't help but bite back and she comes out with "he's a cheater, he thinks it won't come out but trust me it will.. When he least expects it. Pass the message on to him"

I really don't know what to think of this I'm currently 30 weeks pregnant.. I love him to bits, I feel like he is the perfect man to me.. But I do know he had a bad cheating reputation with every one of his ex's. When we got together I thought just cause he has in the past doesn't mean he'll cheat on me. He is very good looking and gets a lot of female attention.. This has made me super paranoid as I've been cheated on in the past but he says she's just trying to piss me off.. Really don't know what to do now feel like I want to get to the bottom of this his word should be enough but I have a really bad gut feeling. any suggestions?

ayeokthen Fri 05-Aug-16 00:15:18

Sounds like a spiteful bitch to me. Has anything else ever given you cause for concern up til that message? If not, forget her and enjoy your wee family.

Silvermockingbird Fri 05-Aug-16 00:20:44

Not really, he works away sometimes but rings me every night.. Few occasions he's been for a drink away and not rang or text till the morning. Might be nothing but minds doing overtime thinking too much into things like this after what she said. I know I should forget it and be happy cause nothing might come out.. Just don't like the thought of being laughed at behind my back or being lied to and thinking everything's perfect if it isnt. Hard one sad

Alisvolatpropiis Fri 05-Aug-16 00:23:18

She sounds very juvenile, going by the messages she has sent. I would ignore unless you have any reason to doubt him.

Do you?

ayeokthen Fri 05-Aug-16 00:28:57

From what you've said he's never given you a reason to doubt him. For all you know she's bitter about her ex and trying to cause trouble. I'd be heartily pissed off if my man started doubting me on the say so of someone I couldn't stand.

TheNaze73 Fri 05-Aug-16 07:24:35

She sounds like a bitter embarrassment. I'd ignore her

smilingeyes11 Fri 05-Aug-16 07:38:00

but if he cheated in the past - what makes you think he has changed? Sorry but I dunno if I could trust a cheater who has form

YvaineStormhold Fri 05-Aug-16 07:41:14

Newly ex?

She can't be that newly ex if you're 30 weeks gone, can she?

Tell her to get over him herself.

Helmetbymidnight Fri 05-Aug-16 07:45:37

It's the friends ex yvaine!

How do you know he cheated on all his exes? What makes you think he has changed?

MephistoMarley Fri 05-Aug-16 07:45:56

She's probably just being spiteful rather than knows anything about him cheating on you - but she's not making it up is she? If he has cheated on other partners (plural) why do you think he won't cheat on you? Sorry if that's harsh especially as you're pregnant but...

tribpot Fri 05-Aug-16 07:47:05

This is the DP's friend's newly ex GF, not the DP's newly-ex GF.

She could just be talking about previous episodes of cheating, given he has a reputation for it. That said, I would be highly sceptical that a serial cheater has really changed his ways.

Have you asked him point blank if he's been cheating? Look him right in the eye and see what you think then.

I would block this ex-GF though.

DiggersRest Fri 05-Aug-16 07:53:12

I'd be inclined to believe her sorry OP just from what you've said here. In any case I'd be telling your dp so he knows you've had your interest pipped. And keep an eye on him.

In my experience, cheaters are always cheaters. Sorry.

Dozer Fri 05-Aug-16 07:54:36

Since he'a cheated in every other relationship it's highly likely he's done so with you. How can you trust a man like that?

I would ask her exactly what she meant and remind her that you are pregnant and not at fault or involved in anything that went on between her and your P's friend.

YvaineStormhold Fri 05-Aug-16 08:00:13




BuzzzyBeee Fri 05-Aug-16 08:07:06

What Dozer said. I'd go back to her.

Pearlman Fri 05-Aug-16 08:29:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

timelytess Fri 05-Aug-16 08:36:38

Sounds like she and him have history. If you go back to her, do it 'as her friend', not as the accusing wife and certainly not as the hoodwinked woman. Access his phone etc and check. Has there been any 'missing' time? When its taken him longer to get home? Extra mileage on the car? Suddenly buying his own underwear? (though if he's a serial cheater he'll have all that in hand), unexpected spending?

SandyY2K Fri 05-Aug-16 09:07:37

I'd believe her TBH.

Why would he suddenly change having cheated on every other woman he's been with?

Especially where shall says it will come out. Ask her for proof if you really want the truth. Otherwise carry on.

He's a seasoned cheater and would know by now how to cover his tracks having had lots of experience.

And really she's not the only juvenile one here. Your DP gave her the nasty looks.

SandyY2K Fri 05-Aug-16 09:18:19

But I do know he had a bad cheating reputation with every one of his ex's.

Red flag that you ignored.

When we got together I thought just cause he has in the past doesn't mean he'll cheat on me.

Why would you think this though given his history?When he cheated with every single Ex.
Did he say why he cheated on each and every one of them?

He is very good looking and gets a lot of female attention.

So he probably thinks he has his pick of the ladies.

he says she's just trying to piss me off.

She doesn't really know you though, so why would she? It would make more sense if it was to get back at him, but for what. There's something he isn't telling you (apart from the cheating) about why he doesn't like her.

I have a really bad gut feeling.

Justifiable under the circumstances.

smilingeyes11 Fri 05-Aug-16 09:43:29

Why would some woman make up a story about him being a cheat, what is in it for her? I would think she is doing you a favour and would be trusting your gut on this one. I think if I were you I would trust her. Blindly trusting him and believing he won't cheat, well that way madness lies. I think you ignored a whole bunting of red flags at the start of your relationship. Sorry.

And if there is a possibility of him cheating then you should get STI testing, imperative if you are pregnant.

Chelazla Fri 05-Aug-16 09:53:23

My friend was a right tart when he was younger, cheated etc! Found the right girl, they're so happy and having a baby. He's a proper family man, I absolutely do think people change when they find the right person! Ignore her she sounds spiteful and bitter! Perhaps he turned her down in past!😉 Enjoy your pregnancy and try and relax x

clam Fri 05-Aug-16 10:05:12

Chelazla How about you report back to us on that one in a few years?

I don't know whether to be heartened or depressed by the naivety on this thread.

LindyHemming Fri 05-Aug-16 10:06:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notapizzaeater Fri 05-Aug-16 10:09:19

How's he cheated in the past ? One night stands or long affairs ?

talesofthevillage Fri 05-Aug-16 10:12:09

Op I think the suggestion of going back to her for more info is a good one. See what she says.

I have been in a very similar situation lately and it is the most horrible feeling. Look after yourself.

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