Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Dh and school mum friend

(123 Posts)
justalittlelemondrizzle Thu 04-Aug-16 13:11:48

The dc's have a friend from school who's mum we both get on with although DH knows her better than me as he does more school runs and he is usually the one to organise things with the dcs. The dcs see eachother alot out of school. Anyway so far this summer DH has said we don't have the money to go on a day out. I've suggested a theme park, cinema, adventure farm etc. Dc's friends mum has just said she's going on an expensive day out with her dc and suddenly dh has told our dc were going with them. Up until this point he has been adamant we cannot afford it and we will only be having free days out. He's stopped me in my tracks whenever I have mentioned anywhere.
In the past the dc's have had disagreements and he's always quick to defend the other child without even knowing what happened and making excuses because he gets on so well with mum.
It comes across as though I am a paranoid person but I couldn't be less so. Dh works mainly with women. They go for drinks after work, nights out etc and I've never been bothered.
I've mentioned to him that he needs to take a few minutes to think about the fact that last week we couldn't afford to go and now suddenly we miraculously can because they're going. He got defensive and refused to entertain what I said.
Am I being stupid to think hes a little infatuated?

timelytess Thu 04-Aug-16 13:24:49

Not at all. I'd be suspicious too. But then, I always am.

MuffyTheUmpireSlayer Thu 04-Aug-16 13:27:01

YANBU. It probably is completely innocent but I can see why it would annoy you or make you uncomfortable.

PaperdollCartoon Thu 04-Aug-16 13:30:00

No you're not being stupid. It's likely nothing but it's a bit odd, I'd be asking questions too and I'm also not the jealous/paranoid sort. I would ask as innocently as possible why he can now afford it, has her perhaps looked at the budget again and found the space? Perhaps you could all go on another expensive day out as well if the money's there?!

eloelo Thu 04-Aug-16 13:31:03

sounds a bit out of character...

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Thu 04-Aug-16 13:34:26

Not being stupid, no. You need to watch this like a hawk.

justalittlelemondrizzle Thu 04-Aug-16 13:34:36

It is a bit out of character. He's totally different around them. At home he's pretty much always moody and the dc's seem to be an effort for him. Yet when their friend is round. He's fixing her bike, taking them for bike rides acting like father of the year.

NickiFury Thu 04-Aug-16 13:37:23

That would make me livid and I would have laid into him about it at the first sign.

Missgraeme Thu 04-Aug-16 13:45:22

Maybe he just doesn't want her to know he is skint - or usually a dick?

justalittlelemondrizzle Thu 04-Aug-16 13:45:39

Spongebob- how can I watch this like a hawk. They live on the next road. The dc's are always playing out together I work full time and sometimes he's off when I'm working.

justalittlelemondrizzle Thu 04-Aug-16 13:46:44

Missgraeme- maybe. Like I said before he behaves completely different around them.

candybar007 Thu 04-Aug-16 13:47:50

Friend had this happen to her, DH ran boys football team and left her for a boys mum. Big Red flag!

SandyY2K Thu 04-Aug-16 13:48:57

Many affairs have started like this and I completely understand how you feel. It's hard to say what you can do, because he's denying it flat out.

Sounds like he has a thing for her.

Is she married?

Can you arrange a day out with her and all the DCs and exclude your DH. His reaction to that will be telling if he's no good at hiding things.

MuffyTheUmpireSlayer Thu 04-Aug-16 13:49:54

What is the other mum like? Also, when the three of you are together, what are the social dynamics usually like?

justalittlelemondrizzle Thu 04-Aug-16 13:51:42

SandyY2K- no she's not married. The day out has been planned for us all, including me.
I don't think I could arrange anything for just me, her and dc's. She's more dh's friend. It would feel forced and uncomfortable.

ZenNudist Thu 04-Aug-16 13:56:29

At least you're invited. I would be asking him to step back a bit from the association.

Have you've tried telling him how you feel about this trip and his closeness to this single woman? Explain to him that even if he can be trusted you have no reason to trust her and you'd be very uncomfortable with him leading her on.

FantasticButtocks Thu 04-Aug-16 13:56:47

It sounds as though you'll be going with them OP. It would be more of a worry if it was just him and the mum. If she's married too, could you ask her and her DH to dinner and make friends with the mum?

FolderReformedScruncher Thu 04-Aug-16 13:57:02

Are they in contact via social media or phone? If so I would get snooping
and frowned upon by 90 percent of MumsNet

Drbint Thu 04-Aug-16 13:58:26

Just tell him he's acting like he fancies her.

justalittlelemondrizzle Thu 04-Aug-16 13:59:25

FolderReformedScruncher- were all facebook friends. Nothing to report there

SandyY2K Thu 04-Aug-16 14:02:13

I'd be even more concerned with her being single, although it's not stopped married women before now.

What kind of age are your DCs?
Does your husband go over to her house with the DCs?

I'd be very uncomfortable with it, but I don't know what your options are.

He'll say you're jealous and controlling if you try and limit his contact with her.

I think if it were me, I'd state my feelings clearly to my DH and say if I discover that anything has happened between them or if it happens in the future, the marriage will be over. No second chances.

At which point I'd go into full investigation mode.

If he does anything then you can be rest assured he doesn't value the marriage.

It's very obvious that he feels something for her.

happypoobum Thu 04-Aug-16 14:02:38

I would be very unhappy about this - especially as he acts differently around her.

Do you think she is interested? If not, I would probably make comments about DHs "ridiculous crush" on her when he isn't around. Or maybe to his face. Dunno.

Hippywannabe Thu 04-Aug-16 14:05:23

Sounds suspicious to me. Refuse to go unless he comes up with an explanation as to how you can suddenly afford it.

justalittlelemondrizzle Thu 04-Aug-16 14:09:59

I've just suggested going somewhere better for cheaper and he bit my head off. He's gone into full on defensive mode.
SandyY2K- yes he goes to her house. Dc's are 6 and 10.

LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF Thu 04-Aug-16 14:11:23

I wouldn't mention the 'crush' to her - she may have never considered him in that way but it might spark her interest.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now