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Why the hell don't I feel ok?!! Maddening!

(6 Posts)
UpYerGansey Wed 03-Aug-16 22:18:25

I've posted a bit on here in recent weeks, and thanks to all the lovely people that took the time to reply.
In short: met an absolutely lovely guy OLD. It was set out from the get-go that it's not gonna be a long-term thing. But we got close. I think.
I started to fall for him. I think he's a really special person.
I started to stress, and broke up with him a couple of weeks ago to preserve myself. I'm too old and have too much shit on my plate to have to deal with a broken heart as well. He's 14 years younger, but I never (rarely) felt the gap.
I miss him so badly. Really, really badly.
Along with that, I'm worried about him, and feel a need to know that he's ok. He'd been alone for a long time before we got together, he's resigned himself to being alone all his life.
This is driving me around the twist.
I'm so angry that I'd made this big "mature" decision, but why the hell do I feel so fucking shit??! Where's the relief? The sense that I'm an adult that made a considered choice? I am struggling. Big time.

I've deleted his number, I can't contact him unless I were to email his work or publicly via Twitter.

If you've read this far - thank you and wine - you deserve it. But if anyone can help me make sense of this, I'd be very glad.
Ps yes I'm seeing a counsellor and yes I'm also dealing with a marriage breakup. #funtimes

HandyWoman Wed 03-Aug-16 22:31:32

Oh Up I was on that thread where you figured out the right thing to do.

And it was the right thing to do.

NC is the way forward. You're doing the right thing. This is hard, hard, hard..

I can't make sense of the pain you feel. It's a loss. It's shut. I'm sorry.

I'm absolutely no help. None at all - sorry!!!

wine comin back atcha

HandyWoman Wed 03-Aug-16 22:33:32

it's shit!

Not shut

UpYerGansey Wed 03-Aug-16 22:51:10

It's shit, and it's shut smile

Can't stop thinking I've done something bad - I should have met with him.

I should have met with him. I can't seem to get this out of my head.

I'm going to end up back on anti-ds at this rate. Where's my power? My strength? My mojo??! ARGH!

Any minute now, I'll turn a corner, right? God I hate myself so much at the minute.

Norwolf Thu 04-Aug-16 00:24:25

OP, why do u wanna 'row his boat for him?'
Think about yourself because you are more important. He is a grown man, and can certainly figure himself out. flowers

UpYerGansey Thu 04-Aug-16 09:33:33

I suppose, Norwolf, because he showed his vulnerability to me.
But you're right. I just have to try to put it behind me.

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