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EXH and DS birthday dilemma

(12 Posts)
choccyfiend78 Wed 03-Aug-16 10:26:09

Just to set the scene and give the back story, EXH left me and DS 18 months ago after having an affair with one of my best friends (who was also our next door neighbour!) and blamed everything on me. DS is with me but goes to his dad every other weekend and one weekday evening per week. We live in Cyprus and whenever any family come over they stay with me as they come to see DS (meaning my in laws).

DS will be 8 next weekend and we have planned to go to the local waterpark with one of DSs friends and the inlaws who are here visiting at the moment. EXH has said to his mum if he would be allowed to come with us and I really don't know how I feel about it. We get on quite well still but I think I would feel very on edge having to put up with him for a full day without being a bitch by the end of it but then I feel bad if I say no as I know that DS would like him to be there.

I really don't know what to do for the best, any ideas or advice?

Hoppinggreen Wed 03-Aug-16 10:33:25

Why are his parents staying with you? Unless you particularly like them I wouldn't allow that, while you shouldn't block access I don't think it's up to you to facilitate it.
Also, I would say no to the ex. At this stage it must still be very raw for you and it would confuse your DS ( and probably everyone else) for you to play happy families on a day out. Your ex can arrange his own birthday treat with your son.
Don't let anyone guilt trip you into anything, your ex caused this situation not you.

sglodion Wed 03-Aug-16 10:35:32

I would let him come. Im the child of divorced parents who got on well and I am so appreciative of the fact that they would both spend special occasions together for my sake. Your son will appreciate it.

SpecialStains Wed 03-Aug-16 10:36:11

If you can cope I'd do it for your ds. You can always let him and his dad toddle off on their own for a few hours while you sunbathe, or float on the lazy river, and hope ds' dad does the same. If not and it will be too awful for you, just say no. There's no right or wrong answer.

Are you going to Fissouri? I loved it there as a kid!

CodyKing Wed 03-Aug-16 10:40:10

Can you do half a day each? Just swap after lunch time - then you both get to share and he can spend time with his family. And you can bugger
off for some peace!

choccyfiend78 Wed 03-Aug-16 10:45:46

Thanks for the replies so far, special we are in Paphos so going to the main one here, DS is big enough to go on all the rides by himself and loves it.

The inlaws stay with me because I do get on with them and they actually speak to me more than Ex as they are disgusted with what he did! I can manage with them for a couple of weeks a year smile

I am really unsure, I think that if DS wasn't taking a friend it would be different but the 2 of them will be playing together leaving me to play happy families with the adults and to be frank I can't be arsed grin. Then I think how I would feel being DS as my parents divorced around the same age as feel guilty if I don't let him go. It is my weekend with DS so he wouldn't normally be seeing his dad anyway.

Aargh!!! Why do men have to make things so complicated??!!

SpecialStains Wed 03-Aug-16 10:59:57

In that case, say no. Ds is taking a friend, so it would be too weird for the two of you to be stuck together while ds is off playing.

Perfectly reasonable. I hope your ds has an awesome birthday!

inlectorecumbit Wed 03-Aug-16 11:07:07

It's not his weekend and it sounds as if your DS will be having fun with his friend.
No need to feel guilty- he certainly didn't / doesn't does he.
It's your day as well don't put any pressure on yourself, just enjoy it with your in laws

MajesticSeaFlapFlap Wed 03-Aug-16 11:09:43

He can do something with him another day

SeaCabbage Wed 03-Aug-16 13:02:07

As DS will be with his friend it does sound like it would be awkward for you to be stuck with your ex and his parents. All day. A shame for you to be on edge the whole time too. It also might jeopardise the civil relationship that you have managed to make.

I think while it 's good for divorced p;arents to get along, a day at a waterpark does not have to be done for that to be the case. I am sure your ds will have a great day out without his dad. It could have been that he was working or anything.

I would tell your ex that it won' t be possible and perhaps remind him that this is the kind of thing he will miss out on due to his affair with his wife's best friend.

Hope you have a great day out. smile

ConkerTriumphant Wed 03-Aug-16 13:05:35

Would your ex be keen to invite you, if he was doing something with DS?

Dozer Wed 03-Aug-16 13:09:06

Wow, hosting the in laws post divorce is above and beyond, hats off to you!

I would personally say yes on this occasion for DS' and the in-laws' sake and when DS goes off to play leave ex H with his parents and find somewhere quiet to chill out alone with a book and drink!

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