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*pos trigger* should I report this?

(11 Posts)
ooharmehearties Wed 03-Aug-16 08:37:37

Hi,
I was in a very controlling ea relationship, left when dd was a baby . Several years limited contact and family court and counselling for PTSD later, I have settled to a manageable way of dealing with him. He's Still angry and controlling, still setting traps and acting the victim. But because I don't have him near me and the contact order is clear I don't do handovers etc I can manage.
Here comes the but..
He is sending awful texts accusing me of being negative about him to dd ( I'm not, I am upbeat and positive when she has contact, despite my fears he will abuse her like he did me- I literally couldn't think for myself).
He wants to go to weekly contact( it's fortnightly) and for me to do drop off, and to pick her up from nursery( it is literally doors down from my new home that he is not meant to know of). It is all about getting back in control of me.
In the relationship* ....*trigger.*... *
When dd was newborn he raped me brutally as she screamed . I had a c section and had to hold on to my stitches to stop them breaking.
I haven't reported this, and some of it is blocked out.
I thought I could handle it as I don't have to see him. But if he takes me to court again I might have to see him daily( he stalked me and kept being places I was, and he has started again getting dd to tell him where we to go to the park, which bus route etc and taking her driving around).
I cannot live like that.
Hope this makes sense. I just want to stop him getting close to me and my daily life. He is a classic narc, can't see 'any reason why I won't see him'.
Would reporting cause more trouble than it's worth. After so long could I get a non mol.

KittyKrap Wed 03-Aug-16 08:50:01

No no no no no.
I'm so angry for you. My XH was Ea and they do try and still control. Please keep a log of his texts, show your solicitor and get his texts stopped. I did. And as for the rape, you poor darling you HAVE to report this flowers

ooharmehearties Wed 03-Aug-16 09:02:51

Thankyou for replying. He's very clever, believable and charming. He's spent the whole year being on his best behaviour. People think he's cool .

I have little evidence. Just what dd has said, and seeing his car several times on or near my road. The texts are very much talking as if I am the perp, he is the victim.

The rape was several years ago and I have gaps .
I'm just so angry that I've worked so hard to build a new life, get dd settled and get strong. I refuse to be a perpetual victim. I just refuse.

So sorry you have gone through this too.sad

KittyKrap Wed 03-Aug-16 09:47:42

Oh mine was nothing like yours, you are coping amazingly well.

Just keep his texts, he will trip himself up soon enough and it doesn't matter how long ago he attacked you. Just get it logged. For dd's sake.

Missgraeme Wed 03-Aug-16 09:55:50

I too was raped after delivery. . My now ex denied it. I didn't report it and so regret that decision. If u ever want to put it behind u in any sense then u need to tell the police or it will hang over u always. Sorry u are having such a shit time.

ooharmehearties Wed 03-Aug-16 10:23:04

Thankyou for taking the time to reply. I'm wondering if I phone 101 and ask for advice?
So sorry Miss you have experienced this. It is nothing to do with sex really, it is all about control.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 03-Aug-16 15:00:39

Yes definitely call 101.
Have a chat with the DV team about all of this.
Outline everything you have mentioned here.
Also contact Rape Crisis.
They can help you with it. Get you counselling etc....
I am so so sorry you had to go through all of this.
You sound strong to get reporting.

ooharmehearties Wed 03-Aug-16 17:16:00

Thankyou, I've called 101 and they'll be sending someone to talk to me. I hope I haven't set off something that can't be stopped. The only way to deal with him is to be as neutral and boring as possible. He loves a fight. This would be me engaging with him again and it would give him thrills.

KittyKrap Wed 03-Aug-16 17:26:09

It's not oohmehearties (love that name!), and EA IS a crime now. Hopefully they can advise you better. Proud of you!

Imnotaslimjim Wed 03-Aug-16 17:38:35

You're a very brave lady, well done for being strong enough to report him. Hopefully the police can help. flowers

ooharmehearties Wed 03-Aug-16 23:27:30

Thanks
Police came and gave some advice and took a statement. I can pursue a non molestation civilly if I want which is good to know. CID are going to contact me in the next few days.
My tummy kept rumbling loudly all the way through! Got upset a bit when describing the assault as there are bits I can't remember. They were very nice . Feel hopeful that I can get my power back. Thankyou so much for your encouragement.

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