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Ehat is a reasonable amount of times for a SAHM to go out?

(31 Posts)
Happy16 Tue 02-Aug-16 19:38:06

Just wondering about others how many times you go out in the week/weekend without the kids.

Husband works 12 hour says monday to fri and works saturday mornings.

I want a bit of me time now as finishing bfeeding so how many times a week is reasonable? Im talking an hour or two each time in the evenings or weekend.

TIA

KP86 Tue 02-Aug-16 19:48:14

There's no right or wrong answer to this, completely depends on your family situation, how many children, how competent or not DH is at bed time (which could mean he just needs more practice!), what else you might like to do together of a night time etc.

I'm out at least two nights per week for sport and SW group, and once a fortnight to have my nails done.

DH is perfectly competent so I am free to go as I please, as is he, eg. if he wants to go for a PokeGo walk after dinner.

Dozer Tue 02-Aug-16 19:51:34

Yanbu to want some time.

His hours sound very long: how come? Are you Ok with him working those hours?

junebirthdaygirl Tue 02-Aug-16 19:57:59

Is he home at a decent time for you to go out? Should be fine to pop out for a few hours one or two evenings. Do ye do family stuff together at the weekends? I was a STHM for a while. Once dh was home he never cared how often l went out. Some weeks lots, some none. Could you get time to yourself one morning a week with family or minder taking baby for a few hours so you can go to the gym, meet friends whatever.

Happy16 Tue 02-Aug-16 20:27:42

He works the long hours so i can stay home. Hes home by 7/7.30 i could go out 8 to 9. But he does say hes had a long dy and doesnt want to be left home with the kids each night. He puts 2 year old to bed because he wants to see him. I do the baby about 7.30.

I was thinking a sport one night. Maybe something else another night sometimes a meal or drink Fri or Sat night maybe once or twice a month. I do of course want him to have his time but feel the only time for me is the evenings. I also dont want to take the mick either as he does work very hard. He never wants to go out or do anything though.
I just feel a bit bad if i only go out and he doesnt because hes too tired.

Should it be set days?

Happy16 Tue 02-Aug-16 20:28:47

We dont have anyone else to mind the children. We could possibly have someone for a weekend in the afternoon so we can go to the cinema which we are hoping to try in a few months.

AndNowItsSeven Tue 02-Aug-16 20:34:58

I don't think it's fair to go out once a week plus every other weekend. Your dh works very long hours so you have the luxury of being a sahm.

KP86 Tue 02-Aug-16 20:38:11

AndNow, what do you call staying at home with 2 kids everyday? A picnic?

WipsGlitter Tue 02-Aug-16 20:38:55

I don't think it should be set days. Then it's like a chore for you. Why not join a gym and then you can go whenever you want.

AndNowItsSeven Tue 02-Aug-16 20:38:58

Yes compared to working those hours.

LottieDoubtie Tue 02-Aug-16 20:40:37

I think it's fair as long as it is equitable. If you both wanted to do a sport and have the odd social night out too would that work?

If so I would do what I wanted guilt free and if he chooses not to spend 'his' time out of the house that's his look out!

NerrSnerr Tue 02-Aug-16 20:41:22

As long as he can go out as often it's fine in my book. It should be shared.

bitemyshinymetalass Tue 02-Aug-16 20:41:26

Whenever they want is reasonable. You are an individual, take time for yourself, as and when it suits you.

AndNowItsSeven Tue 02-Aug-16 20:41:54

I am a sahm my four youngest pre schoolers are 1, 2, 2 and 3 , my dh works harder than me. He doesn't get to cuddle on the coach watching Netflix or play with play dough or sit out in the garden etc.

Fairylea Tue 02-Aug-16 20:43:23

I don't think there are any set rules but I think partners should have the same free time as each other, whatever that is.

For dh and I neither of us go out but that's our choice as we are boring and friendless (well not friendless really but our friends don't go out in the evenings etc, they are mum friends I see during the day and people he works with) so we only ever do things together. But that's just us, hermits! grin

In a previous marriage my ex dh and I would have roughly an evening out each every weekend.

thisismyfirsttime Tue 02-Aug-16 20:43:49

Do the kids generally stay asleep once they're down? If so I'd say go as many times a week as you want but be contactable and nearby-ish in case one starts getting sick/ they both wake up screaming etc but if they're likely to be awake several times I think it'd be unfair to go more than once a week. I'd think the same for him too, you both do very long hours and deserve a break but not at the other's expense iyswim?

memyselfandaye Tue 02-Aug-16 20:49:53

Does he want to go out by himself too, or is he too knackered? If he's doing 65 hours a week I can see why he maybe wants to sit on his arse a few nights a week.

Whatever you do it should work both ways, both get equal time to do what you want.

mishmash1979 Tue 02-Aug-16 20:52:01

Ha ha; go out!!! What is that??? Haven't been out on my own (except food shopping) in the evening/weekend on my own for 15 yrs!!!!!

Happy16 Tue 02-Aug-16 20:56:21

After 8 the baby will be asleep until 3. 2 year old doesnt really go to bed until 9.
Im all for him going out Ive been telling him for the past year to go out. He just doesnt.
I still just feel a bit funny if I go out then he doesn't at all but by choice.
I have a group once a week that I can start going back to. so Im thinking, go to that and then randomly if I want another night then that would be fine but probably wouldnt be a weekly thing.

Thanks for making me feel a bit better about popping out and I do deserve a bit of time to myself

NapQueen Tue 02-Aug-16 20:58:19

I think if something can be done about the 2yos bedtime that would make life so much easier in terms of "me time" for both of you.

Happy16 Tue 02-Aug-16 21:02:08

Totally agree Napqueen. He used to go to bed by 7 30/8 when I put him down and we had the evenings together it was bliss.
I had to stay in hospital with the baby and it all went out of the window. Now we cant agree on me doing the bedtime again because he says hes not ready for bed when I want to put him to bed so I leave them to it.

NickyEds Tue 02-Aug-16 21:06:12

I have a 2.7 year old and a 1 year old and I go out once a week to the pub and have just started Slimming world so that will be one night a week too. On the nights I go to the pub I leave after the kids go to bed but on sw nights dp will have to put them to bed.

NapQueen Tue 02-Aug-16 21:10:05

Well of dh is calling the shots on bedtime and insists on doing it when he is ready then I'd suggest you don't need to be around for it. Maybe enough evenings on his own with a 2yo up at 9pm will encourage him to sort that out.

HeddaGarbled Tue 02-Aug-16 21:17:20

He's working too many hours. 12 hour days and Sat mornings is too much. Of course he doesn't want to go out at other times. He must be exhausted and just longing to collapse at home. Of course, you must be exhausted too and of course, it's reasonable for you to go out for leisure/pleasure but is there any way you could find a part time job which would enable him to cut down his hours?

Happy16 Tue 02-Aug-16 21:22:45

He wont cut down his hours. He honestly doesnt need to do that many hours probably could get away with 10 hours less but he just wants to work them all. I found an evening job but then its him doing bedtime every night. Even when I go back to work in a year or so. He will still do 60 hour weeks.

The reason I stay at home is because if I went back to work my salary would just all go on childcare. We have no parents or anyone that could look after the children for free/reduced fee. If we did I would go back to work sooner.

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