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I've made a fake profile...

(112 Posts)
FakeBake Tue 02-Aug-16 16:08:38

Found out my DH has been on OLD websites, a family member found his profile had been active and told me.

I've set up a profile claiming to be a woman from our area, I've found his profile but I'm not sure what to do next.

I need proof that he's talking to women, I've got the app on my phone so I can keep an eye on it if he views me but I'm hesitant about sending him a message, perhaps because I'm scared of the outcome?

Has anyone done this before?

category12 Tue 02-Aug-16 16:11:26

What do you need beyond the fact he is active on a dating site? Isn't that enough?

adora1 Tue 02-Aug-16 16:12:48

Is it not enough he's went to the bother of setting up a profile, his intention is to cheat, or continue to cheat on you, is that not bad enough?

I hate men who do this, especially married ones, what a loser.

MadameCholetsDirtySecret Tue 02-Aug-16 16:13:22

I agree with category.

adora1 Tue 02-Aug-16 16:13:45

Does he have a pic up, what a total embarrassment for you, all your friends and friends of will see him, could he humiliate you any more?

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia Tue 02-Aug-16 16:14:36

are you hoping he will arrange to meet your fake profile and then back out declaring his undying love for the wife he already has? And then you can get about your business secure in the knowledge he really does love you.?

cos I think you are going to be's not like The Pina-colada Song.

MagentaRose72 Tue 02-Aug-16 16:14:45

Can you screen shot his profile on the dating site and the date it was last active, then email it to yourself. That's enough proof surely that he's "looking"? Or do you want him to talk to your fake profile and catch him out?

AnchorDownDeepBreath Tue 02-Aug-16 16:14:50

What is your end goal? What do you need to make your next move?

There are numerous places that your boundaries could be. Is it enough that he has a profile? That he's active? Will it be enough if he looks at your profile? If he meets you? If he sends you sexy messages?

If he looks and is active but doesn't message your specific profile, is that enough to save your marriage? If you message him and he replies, but then says that you trapped him into it, is that enough?

You need to know where your boundaries are so you know what you need to do. If none of this is a dealbreaker, there's little point collecting information that will just hurt you.

Cabrinha Tue 02-Aug-16 16:15:00

You don't have to put yourself through the indignity.

Your husband is active on dating sites.

If you want to leave him - you are allowed to. You don't have to mail him.

If you want to ask him what the fuck he is up to and only stay with after extensive counselling and after HIM working to regain your trust, then you don't need to "honey trap" him.

I suggested your message says "this is your wife, I was told you were here, as it's true, you may as well extend your subscription because you are dumped"

I'm sorry flowers

But honestly, keep your dignity. You are above sneaking around trying to get more evidence than you already have.

He can say "I was curious" or "a mate set it up for a joke". But you know that's bollocks. You don't need any more proof than you have.

Tiggeryoubastard Tue 02-Aug-16 16:15:11

Stop playing games! He's on there, isn't that enough?

FakeBake Tue 02-Aug-16 16:15:19

I've spoken to a friend and she said that I shouldn't completely believe the website saying when he was last active as it can be glitchy, that's why I've set the profile up to see if he is actively on it.

Desmondo2016 Tue 02-Aug-16 16:15:47

Well come on .. You've gone this far... at least nudge him, or wink or whatever it is you need to do next....

OreoHeaven Tue 02-Aug-16 16:17:36

Surely the fact he is a member is enough? Unless that's how you met and his membership is from back then.

Cabrinha Tue 02-Aug-16 16:17:40

Well you're friend is dead right that they can be glitchy!

So maybe the last time your husband tried to (or did) cheat on you via that site at least, was a month ago. Or six. Or a year.

Any of those time frames make it OK?

category12 Tue 02-Aug-16 16:17:52

How long have you been together? How old is his profile?

MephistoMarley Tue 02-Aug-16 16:17:59

The fact that he's on it at all should be sufficient surely?

FakeBake Tue 02-Aug-16 16:19:01

My intentions were to see if he would speak too me and if he does that would be proof enough for me to leave him, I wasn't going to tell him it was me and that I had set up a profile, I was just going to say that I know that he's been active on dating sites. After talking to my friend I felt like I needed more concrete proof that he is actively using it to seek out women.

MidnightVelvettheSixth Tue 02-Aug-16 16:20:01

Does it say when the profile was last active or used?

AnchorDownDeepBreath Tue 02-Aug-16 16:20:22

After talking to my friend I felt like I needed more concrete proof that he is actively using it to seek out women.

Is there any legitimate reason for him to have a profile? In any timeframe?

panegyricS1 Tue 02-Aug-16 16:21:29

It could be glitchy, yes, or he could flat out deny it and then you won't know what to think. Reading between the lines, you won't be satisfied without more proof. So although the existing evidence is damning, I think you probably do need to message him. So sorry.

FakeBake Tue 02-Aug-16 16:22:01

We met on OLD so it's his (very old) profile that has suddenly become active, it says that he's been online today and that's what my friend said to take with a pinch of salt.

Sparklesilverglitter Tue 02-Aug-16 16:24:18

I'm at a loss as to why you'd bother setting up a fake profile. He is on a dating site, that IS enough to confront him over it

Unless there is a reason he might have the profile, for example you met online haven't been together long and he never deleted it but as your married I assume that doesn't apply to you so he's set the profile up to look for somebody else just call him on it.. What more are you waiting for

adora1 Tue 02-Aug-16 16:25:23

Ok, but I don't get if it says he was active today how he wasn't but yes you may as well get the concrete evidence.

Sparklesilverglitter Tue 02-Aug-16 16:26:40

X post.

So it's an old dating profile. Has he changed the photo to a newer one of himself?

I'm sure dating sites would put active to seem like they have more active members.

Just say to him a friend of yours is old at the moment and said she saw his profile and ask him why he's not deleted it ?

adora1 Tue 02-Aug-16 16:29:19

The only way the OP will find out is indeed by contacting him on the site, he's hardly going to admit it if she asks him, he will give some story, like all the others on here have, and that puts the seed of doubt which wrongly gets them off the hook as the OP will be doubtful. If he messages the OP, bingo!

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