Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MNHQ have commented on this thread

1 2

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MNHQ have commented on this thread

Relationships

my husband doesn't want another child

42 replies

lighthouse17 · 02/08/2016 14:27

hi I have posted here about this before and things are a bit better now as I was able to talk to my DH about this but I would like to hear from other people about what they think about the dilemma I am in.
So we have a lovely DD who is nearly 3 years old. My DH never wanted to a child and he agreed to have one with me (for me) which was great. However I am really broody and I always imagined having 2 kids. By the way we got married really young so this is not something we discussed before.
Anyway I had a chat with him last week. and he said he doesn't want another child, his reasons are he is tried, doesn't think he can go through the baby years again, additional stress, we have no family near by to help out. We both work and it will be really stressful to add another child.
I agree about all of these above but I still can't help but feel broody and long for another child.
I think that he might (only might) agree to have another child maybe in 2 years time but I don't know whether this will be a good decision as what if we have a high needs child, or disabled and he ends up resenting me, put strain in our relationship.
I would like to hear from people from similar situation. I really don't want to risk what we have at the moment. Has anyone had another child where your other half wasn't into it and agreed to have a child because you want it? how did it work? I am sure once the baby is here, he will love the baby and everything be ok?

OP posts:

Report

StillDrSethHazlittMD · 02/08/2016 14:34

So he already compromised by agreeing to give you a child.

I suggest it's not your turn to compromise and agree to stick at one.

Enjoy your lovely family of three, have counselling if you think it might help with your broodiness.

lighthouse17 · 02/08/2016 14:38

hi, that's what he said but I had no idea that he wouldn't have another and also I didn't know he was compromising. I am not pushing him into having another as I don't want to risk our marriage.

OP posts:

tipsytrifle · 02/08/2016 14:55

I am sure once the baby is here, he will love the baby and everything be ok?

This sounds like you intend to have another child in any case. It wouldn't be fair on your H. He accepted one, which was one more than he wanted. Your partnership would not survive another by the sound of it, mostly because it seems you don't really listen to his desires. He declared early enough that he didn't want children. Then he said yes to please you. You do know this. I don't mean to sound harsh but I think you really should do everything towards accepting that H is utterly sincere.

lighthouse17 · 02/08/2016 14:59

I never said I am not accepting his wishes and pushing him!
I actually said I wouldn't have another risk our marriage. I am saying if ever says yes lets have another child himself than I will have another.

OP posts:

MummyBtothree · 02/08/2016 15:01

Whatever you do don't 'accidentally' fall pregnant hoping he will come round. If he says he doesn't want another it could be enough to make him want to walk. I've seen it happen unfortunately.

lighthouse17 · 02/08/2016 15:02

this post was supposed to hear from people in a similar situation. so I don't even know if you know what it feels to long for another child so if you are not in the same situation as me you wouldn't understand where I am coming from.
I think I will stop posting here if I keep getting replies that are not useful

OP posts:

lighthouse17 · 02/08/2016 15:02

sorry my above post was for poster tipsytrifle

OP posts:

Tiggeryoubastard · 02/08/2016 15:05

I know two couples that were in your situation. In one, she wore him down and he agreed to an unwanted child. In the other she 'accidentally' fell pregnant. Both couples split up acrimoniously. Both women love their children but regret having another and splitting up their families. Neither are happy.

uhoh2016 · 02/08/2016 15:06

My dh was always happy with just the one child after ds1 was born however ds2 came along and he completely switched opinion. After ds3 I've decided enough is enough but hed happily have dc4 if I wanted to

Tiggeryoubastard · 02/08/2016 15:06

Wow just read your two updates - you sound quite aggressive and unpleasant. And possibly journalistic.

lighthouse17 · 02/08/2016 15:13

my reply wasn't for you, it was for poster tipsytrifle as he (she) said that I don't respect my DH's wishes which is not true. People shouldn't make assumptions and be harsh like this.

OP posts:

LilacInn · 02/08/2016 15:31

there are many ways to have children in your life besides producing them from your body. If you have that much extra love and nurturing, there are plenty of existing children who need people in fostering, teaching, caregiving roles. Perhaps getting involved in something like that would help you.

DragonsEggsAreAllMine · 02/08/2016 15:32

I think you were very wrong to pressure him in the first place, nobody should ever have to become a parent to keep another happy.

And you want to do it again? If you had any love or respect for him it shouldn't even be a consideration.

lighthouse17 · 02/08/2016 15:37

I just don't know why people are posting saying that I pressured him into having a child? where did I every say that?

I am stating this again, I never pressured my DH into having a child. He was happy to have a child and he loves our DD.

OP posts:

ppandj · 02/08/2016 15:41

Lighthouse I think I saw your other thread? Would you and your DH be open to going for couples counselling on this issue? Sorry if it wasn't your thread I posted on before, but if it was I remember a few issues going on around the second child debate?

lighthouse17 · 02/08/2016 15:44

hi ppandj, yes it was probably me that posted it. I think that counselling would be a good option if we can't decide on this subject. Thanks for a positive post as the others have been very negative :(

OP posts:

Xocaraic · 02/08/2016 15:48

I am in a similar but opposite position. I didn't want children (only because I didn't come from a loving home and so was unsure of my own ability to parent). But DH did do we agreed on one. As it happens we had twins. How would your DH feel if this was your outcome; plan one more child and you get two (or more)?

MummyBtothree · 02/08/2016 15:50

Because you said in your post that your dh never wanted a child but he had one for you. Perhaps thats whats provoking it.

lighthouse17 · 02/08/2016 15:53

it's true I said that but I didn't know he did it for me. I never ever pressured him, I asked him and he said ok lets go for it. Obviously he loves our DD now and doesn't regret it.

OP posts:

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 02/08/2016 15:53

I think that counselling would be a good option if we can't decide on this subject.

He has decided though.

DragonsEggsAreAllMine · 02/08/2016 15:57

In all your threads you make it very clear he never wanted any children and gave in to please you, that's far from "ok let's make a baby".

It's very clear you want another and he doesn't, if you can't live with that then find somebody that will give you what you want and let him find somebody that agrees with him and his choices.

It must have crossed his mind by now that you'll go ahead and do it anyway given the obsession.

MummyBtothree · 02/08/2016 15:58

Ahh, I understand you now, sorry.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

TealLove · 02/08/2016 15:59

He says he doesn't want another. He has been clear and honest. You can't really argue with that can you?

MummyBtothree · 02/08/2016 16:03

TealLove - very true. There's alot out there who put more thought into their Facebook status than into having kids so I guess at least it shows he's put thought into it. Wish my ex had!

lighthouse17 · 02/08/2016 16:06

omg has anyone else read my post apart from MummyBtothree.
By the way thank you MummyBtothree for understanding where I am coming from and what I really meant.

Just to clarify again, my DH never told me he had a child for me until a week ago and also I am not obsessed and I would never ever just go ahead and have a child anyway. Why are you trying to put words into my mouth?

OP posts:

Flip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.