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my husband doesn't want another child

(43 Posts)

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lighthouse17 Tue 02-Aug-16 14:27:40

hi I have posted here about this before and things are a bit better now as I was able to talk to my DH about this but I would like to hear from other people about what they think about the dilemma I am in.
So we have a lovely DD who is nearly 3 years old. My DH never wanted to a child and he agreed to have one with me (for me) which was great. However I am really broody and I always imagined having 2 kids. By the way we got married really young so this is not something we discussed before.
Anyway I had a chat with him last week. and he said he doesn't want another child, his reasons are he is tried, doesn't think he can go through the baby years again, additional stress, we have no family near by to help out. We both work and it will be really stressful to add another child.
I agree about all of these above but I still can't help but feel broody and long for another child.
I think that he might (only might) agree to have another child maybe in 2 years time but I don't know whether this will be a good decision as what if we have a high needs child, or disabled and he ends up resenting me, put strain in our relationship.
I would like to hear from people from similar situation. I really don't want to risk what we have at the moment. Has anyone had another child where your other half wasn't into it and agreed to have a child because you want it? how did it work? I am sure once the baby is here, he will love the baby and everything be ok?

StillDrSethHazlittMD Tue 02-Aug-16 14:34:37

So he already compromised by agreeing to give you a child.

I suggest it's not your turn to compromise and agree to stick at one.

Enjoy your lovely family of three, have counselling if you think it might help with your broodiness.

lighthouse17 Tue 02-Aug-16 14:38:37

hi, that's what he said but I had no idea that he wouldn't have another and also I didn't know he was compromising. I am not pushing him into having another as I don't want to risk our marriage.

tipsytrifle Tue 02-Aug-16 14:55:58

^ I am sure once the baby is here, he will love the baby and everything be ok?^

This sounds like you intend to have another child in any case. It wouldn't be fair on your H. He accepted one, which was one more than he wanted. Your partnership would not survive another by the sound of it, mostly because it seems you don't really listen to his desires. He declared early enough that he didn't want children. Then he said yes to please you. You do know this. I don't mean to sound harsh but I think you really should do everything towards accepting that H is utterly sincere.

lighthouse17 Tue 02-Aug-16 14:59:18

I never said I am not accepting his wishes and pushing him!
I actually said I wouldn't have another risk our marriage. I am saying if ever says yes lets have another child himself than I will have another.

MummyBtothree Tue 02-Aug-16 15:01:36

Whatever you do don't 'accidentally' fall pregnant hoping he will come round. If he says he doesn't want another it could be enough to make him want to walk. I've seen it happen unfortunately.

lighthouse17 Tue 02-Aug-16 15:02:00

this post was supposed to hear from people in a similar situation. so I don't even know if you know what it feels to long for another child so if you are not in the same situation as me you wouldn't understand where I am coming from.
I think I will stop posting here if I keep getting replies that are not useful

lighthouse17 Tue 02-Aug-16 15:02:43

sorry my above post was for poster tipsytrifle

Tiggeryoubastard Tue 02-Aug-16 15:05:41

I know two couples that were in your situation. In one, she wore him down and he agreed to an unwanted child. In the other she 'accidentally' fell pregnant. Both couples split up acrimoniously. Both women love their children but regret having another and splitting up their families. Neither are happy.

uhoh2016 Tue 02-Aug-16 15:06:17

My dh was always happy with just the one child after ds1 was born however ds2 came along and he completely switched opinion. After ds3 I've decided enough is enough but hed happily have dc4 if I wanted to

Tiggeryoubastard Tue 02-Aug-16 15:06:46

Wow just read your two updates - you sound quite aggressive and unpleasant. And possibly journalistic.

lighthouse17 Tue 02-Aug-16 15:13:47

my reply wasn't for you, it was for poster tipsytrifle as he (she) said that I don't respect my DH's wishes which is not true. People shouldn't make assumptions and be harsh like this.

LilacInn Tue 02-Aug-16 15:31:20

there are many ways to have children in your life besides producing them from your body. If you have that much extra love and nurturing, there are plenty of existing children who need people in fostering, teaching, caregiving roles. Perhaps getting involved in something like that would help you.

DragonsEggsAreAllMine Tue 02-Aug-16 15:32:01

I think you were very wrong to pressure him in the first place, nobody should ever have to become a parent to keep another happy.

And you want to do it again? If you had any love or respect for him it shouldn't even be a consideration.

lighthouse17 Tue 02-Aug-16 15:37:14

I just don't know why people are posting saying that I pressured him into having a child? where did I every say that?

I am stating this again, I never pressured my DH into having a child. He was happy to have a child and he loves our DD.

ppandj Tue 02-Aug-16 15:41:26

Lighthouse I think I saw your other thread? Would you and your DH be open to going for couples counselling on this issue? Sorry if it wasn't your thread I posted on before, but if it was I remember a few issues going on around the second child debate?

lighthouse17 Tue 02-Aug-16 15:44:03

hi ppandj, yes it was probably me that posted it. I think that counselling would be a good option if we can't decide on this subject. Thanks for a positive post as the others have been very negative sad

Xocaraic Tue 02-Aug-16 15:48:50

I am in a similar but opposite position. I didn't want children (only because I didn't come from a loving home and so was unsure of my own ability to parent). But DH did do we agreed on one. As it happens we had twins. How would your DH feel if this was your outcome; plan one more child and you get two (or more)?

MummyBtothree Tue 02-Aug-16 15:50:38

Because you said in your post that your dh never wanted a child but he had one for you. Perhaps thats whats provoking it.

lighthouse17 Tue 02-Aug-16 15:53:08

it's true I said that but I didn't know he did it for me. I never ever pressured him, I asked him and he said ok lets go for it. Obviously he loves our DD now and doesn't regret it.

PigletWasPoohsFriend Tue 02-Aug-16 15:53:59

I think that counselling would be a good option if we can't decide on this subject.

He has decided though.

DragonsEggsAreAllMine Tue 02-Aug-16 15:57:56

In all your threads you make it very clear he never wanted any children and gave in to please you, that's far from "ok let's make a baby".

It's very clear you want another and he doesn't, if you can't live with that then find somebody that will give you what you want and let him find somebody that agrees with him and his choices.

It must have crossed his mind by now that you'll go ahead and do it anyway given the obsession.

MummyBtothree Tue 02-Aug-16 15:58:38

Ahh, I understand you now, sorry.

TealLove Tue 02-Aug-16 15:59:28

He says he doesn't want another. He has been clear and honest. You can't really argue with that can you?

MummyBtothree Tue 02-Aug-16 16:03:33

TealLove - very true. There's alot out there who put more thought into their Facebook status than into having kids so I guess at least it shows he's put thought into it. Wish my ex had!

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