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"Bunny Boiler behaviour"

(12 Posts)
TealLove Mon 01-Aug-16 22:46:20

Ok I've been thinking about this phrase today. It's something I've used myself but I wanted your opinions. Just musing really.

If a man awakens certain feelings in you, maybe has sex with you, creates a sense of intimacy and connection then cuts off. It's normal to have some kind of reaction, right?
I'm not necessarily talking turning up at their house crying, although that can be justified in some cases. Ok I'm not talking about harassment which is wrong. But more when a woman questions a situation, shows any emotion or gets angry.

Sometimes this reaction can be misplaced. But I think women are then left questioning themselves at how they got it all wrong, when in fact, it's the man who has pushed the interaction to a certain level then retreated suddenly.

I see this happen so much. Literally constantly to friends on the dating scene and in relationships. Then they are always the ones who look "crazy".
Why do men come off as the reasonable ones in this scenario?

kua Mon 01-Aug-16 22:53:37

Either sex displaying unexceptable behaviour when dumped is never good. I have seen men behave just as badly ( if not more) when a relationship has ended. It is better to walk away than badger someone who may not be able to answer honestly the questions asked of them.

PacificDogwod Mon 01-Aug-16 23:01:10

Using the term 'bunny boiler' is sheer and unadulterated misogyny.

I have rewatched Fatal Attraction just recently and apart from being quite dated, the sexism in it is really quite staggering shock

So, yes, while using anybody's much loved pet for stock or any other violent behaviour is quite clearly not acceptable, the phrase or as you say, an emotional reaction to feeling used and then dumped is quite human and normal, but can be dismissed as 'hysterical' and neurotic by labelling it as 'bunny boiling'.

TealLove Mon 01-Aug-16 23:03:33

Yes Pacific.
It's misogynistic I feel and silencing too!
To feel used then dumped and rejected abruptly is bad enough. But to then have to question your feelings and reactions is almost a double whammy.

expatinscotland Mon 01-Aug-16 23:06:58

What Pacific said.

HelenaDove Tue 02-Aug-16 01:06:30

While i hate the phrase because it is misogynistic i wouldnt use the phrase to describe what i saw today but what i saw was possessive and controlling behaviour..........from a woman.

She was sending "i love you" text to a bloke she had been chatting to on a dating site but hadnt even met yet. then she was surprised he changed his mind about dating her. she posted this all over fb which is how i know about it.

Now if i was out there dating and some bloke was swearing his love to me having not met me yet id think he was stalker material.

Shes also the type to blame you if when on a night out a man prefers you to her.
Its always the womans fault. And she thrives on attention hence the posting on fb.

CaoNiMao Tue 02-Aug-16 03:31:13

It's interesting that the female 'bunny boiler' is more prevalent in popular culture than the male 'girlfriend/wife murderer'.

Claraoswald36 Tue 02-Aug-16 12:39:35

I dunno. I have heard blokes described as a psycho quite a bit but usually only men use the term bunny boiler.
In my limited experience men are more likely to go full on stalker and women do the short term what I guess is harassment of men who reject them. Actually I know q girl who broke in to her exes house and stood over him watching him sleep but I guess it seems less threatening g because she is a girl. Sexism both ways I reckon.

spidey66 Tue 02-Aug-16 12:51:15

The term originates from Fatal Attraction when Michael Douglas's character had a brief relationship with Glenn Close's character. He was married with a young daughter. He ended the relationship but she was a real psychopath and couldn't take it and was harrassing him. At one point the family came home to find the child's rabbit was being cooked on the hob.

Therefore to me the phrase means someone who is pathologically jealous and unable to move on and often harrasses a partner who clearly has no intention of taking the relationship further.

TheNaze73 Tue 02-Aug-16 13:05:50

Sadly I think it's used when describing people that were partners ex's. Think there are obsessive's of both sexes

HowToChooseAUserName Tue 02-Aug-16 13:32:20

Therefore to me the phrase means someone who is pathologically jealous and unable to move on and often harrasses a partner who clearly has no intention of taking the relationship further

The problem is that is not how it is used - particularly by men.

"Bunny boiler" is primarily and typically used to minimise and dismiss an appropriate emotional reaction by a woman to being treated poorly, lead on and discarded.

She was appropriately upset and called me on on = bunny boiler.

There are very few people in the world who are psychopathic stalkers who really would boil your pet bunny. It's a term that has gained credence as a misogynstic way to dismiss woman complaining/objecting to poor emotional treatment.

MiaowJario Tue 02-Aug-16 22:53:58

From personal experience, I think I have sometimes gone a bit OTT when relationships have ended. With some but not all of them. The ones I have gone a bit OTT with are all were I sense if I sense that the guy might try to sleep with me again whilst I am still emotionally connected to him/vulnerable, but without any intention of there being a proper relationship there. So I think that sometimes being a it nuts at the end of a relationship is a way of making sure it is the end.

"Bunny boiler" is often used very pejoratively against women I agree.

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