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Ok. I've been a deluded prick haven't I?

(52 Posts)
TealLove Mon 01-Aug-16 18:55:05

Ok. I started talking to a guy online. A younger man.
Something about him just got to me. The connection was incredibly intense and we opened up on both the phone talking and messaged constantly for a month. Met up and had a date that could only be described as magic. No sex but honestly the most loving hugs and kisses.
He messaged constantly and as it goes he leaves the country 2 weeks ago for 8 weeks. I went on holiday too. He promised I would visit him out there and we would pick up again where we left off.
From there on it died down. I knew it would to an extent but the time of his messages changed. Not sexual anymore more exchanging pleasantries with a friend.

A week ago I kind of snapped over text and said I'm making an effort but you sound completely different. He also sent me in error a picture of another girl. An innocent pic but obviously meant for someone else, she was asleep or something.
I said to him just crack on and have fun and he responded defensively, saying he just couldn't message me as much. Also there were other girls in the scene and as we weren't exclusive he feels funny being sexual with me and feels bad. But he still wants to keep in touch/ meet up when he's back in Lobdon.
Now the messaging has come almost to a halt. I can see on social media he's having loads of fun there and you can see where this is going. His latest posts are like a different guy tbh.

There was something about this guy and the stuff he said that was so deep and meaningful and now it's like nothing. I don't know why I'm so disproportionately hurt but I adored him. Absolutely adored him.

Honestly I wish I hadn't have snapped. It was immature of me but I knew he changed. If he really wanted to keep in touch he would. Even just write one line. He's totally cut of from me and he kind of admitted that but just while he was away. I think that's quite shitty although we didn't really have anything but we were close sad

We honestly shared so much. I've been a total idiot but what should I do now? Shall I just chalk this up to a nice date and forget him? sad

IHopeThatIDontFallInLove Mon 01-Aug-16 18:56:56

Yes. And be more guarded in future.

TealLove Mon 01-Aug-16 18:58:34

I honestly am so guarded normally but the stuff this guy said to me just pierced my heart.

minmooch Mon 01-Aug-16 18:59:52

Chalk it up to experience. You had some nice messages and one date. You may have adored the idea of him but the reality of him has not stacked up. Not his fault, not yours. Move on.

Leviticus Mon 01-Aug-16 19:00:16

Yes, it's a hard lesson to learn though.

TealLove Mon 01-Aug-16 19:04:21

Ok if he writes again how should I respond?

MephistoMarley Mon 01-Aug-16 19:09:15

Messaging before meeting just isn't the real person. It just isn't. It's always better to meet ASAP if you suspect you have a spark rather than let an online only thing become more significant than it should be.

trackrBird Mon 01-Aug-16 19:12:32

You haven't been an idiot, really, you've just been played. Magic, intense, deep ... this is fakery in action. This is what it looks like. But most of us learn that the hard way.

You know what to look for next time: if you start thinking of magic and adoration, take a reality check. Sincere men are not magic, just lovely.

Take care of yourself for now.

TealLove Mon 01-Aug-16 19:18:37

Thanks guys. I think it was after the meeting we both felt it. He kept saying what an amazing day it was etc. How much he misses me etc. I'm sure he felt it but he cut off and literally became a different guy.

I don't want to let him know he hurt me at all or I sound a bit like a bunny boiler. I know the best thing to do is to leave it. But I kind of want to tell him if he writes again that I didn't appreciate being cut off like that and it's changed things for me.

TealLove Mon 01-Aug-16 19:19:34

I know if a man likes you and wants you they write and they call. God they move on so quickly don't they?!

newworldnow Mon 01-Aug-16 19:22:37

You only met him once. Move on.

Hissy Mon 01-Aug-16 19:31:02

Oh love, yes sweety you were duped.

But it was only a single date. It's nothing in the scheme of things.there are a lot of young guys looking for cheap thrills.

Hissy Mon 01-Aug-16 19:31:34

Block him from contacting you.

tipsytrifle Mon 01-Aug-16 19:58:23

You can't be sure he felt anything at all; sadly, that's a projection and assumption based on your own feelings. You can't teach him that he's a prick either. Life will, in time, show him that little home truth. Not your job. Block and delete, I'd say.

TheNaze73 Mon 01-Aug-16 20:00:21

You met him once, move on. He's taking up far too much valuable head space as it is.
Can't see he's done much wrong here though

StartledByHisFurryShorts Mon 01-Aug-16 20:02:06

You sound like you want something exclusive. He doesn't. Block and delete. And be more wary next time.

TealLove Mon 01-Aug-16 20:08:19

Omg you think I should block him?

I honestly didn't want excuisive! Just didn't expect to be cut off

TealLove Mon 01-Aug-16 20:18:16

You think I was duped? God this is ridiculous. It seemed so real. Why would he write every day, tell me constantly how great I was? How special it was and how you've never connected like this before. The details of how amazing the date was?

Why would you do that if you didn't feel it genuine question.

God I honestly sound like an idiot.

Hissy Mon 01-Aug-16 20:33:43

How have you got this far not knowing that stupid blokes will do anything for a fuck?

In this day an age it's minimal investment to send texts to multiple women and see who takes the bait.

Even if he did have honourable motives, listening to you here it's more likely that He met you, saw that you were frankly waaaaaaaaay past over invested and his instinct kicked in.

The snapping thing that is nuts, after ONE meeting you think he owes you anything and you're way past bonkers.

You frankly don't have the right to get snappy about anything when you've met someone once.

You can't adore someone you have met once. You can adore the IDEA of him, but you have made that up in your head. Nothing was real.

Fwiw, I ended something similar with someone i had about half a dozen dates with for this overkill, yore so perfect etc etc. It wasn't justified as he didn't know me. Flattering tho it was to hear such wonderful things, none of it was real because he's not given either of us a chance to have a relaxed and chilled relationship. He was pushing me to meet his ds (who didn't sound too much fun tbh) despite me saying clearly that I didn't want to involve kids at all.

I've also told someone to cool it when they were alleging I was surfing online dating sites (actually I wasn't) when all that had happened was that we'd met for a coffee and had a snog.

CiaoVerona Mon 01-Aug-16 20:35:59

I don't he faked anything, I don't think you've being duped, you dated the guy once, he didn't shag and run he was honest he was going away for eight weeks. Be aware in future, online dating/texting can create a false sense of intimacy ,its happened to the best of us.

tipsytrifle Mon 01-Aug-16 20:36:33

To reel you in until he decided whether he went forward with you? People do that all the time. It seemed real because your behaviour is less aligned to the ways of dating than his. Dis-engage. It truly was one date and it seems like that's it for him. This might happen often with dating, it's almost an unspoken code especially with on-line stuff. It doesn't adhere to RL codes of etiquette, it has its own way that often seems harsh and "rude" by everyday standards.

TealLove Mon 01-Aug-16 20:37:18

Inknow the snapping thing was nuts. I feel really stupid about it.

He did keep saying sorry I've been an asshole though.

TealLove Mon 01-Aug-16 20:41:36

I didn't write much after that though. I've definitely over invested and what you are all saying is spot on.
This one just got to me. Every day the good mornings the good nights the sexual aspect.
I think it's only fair to react when that's cut off immediately.
It's so depressing someone would do that but you can make someone feel something they don't I guess.

TealLove Mon 01-Aug-16 20:43:40

I've deleted number. How depressing I really thought this one was something. A friend with something sexual if nothing else.

1weekdown5togo Mon 01-Aug-16 20:45:11

He probably felt it at the time and didn't deliberately set out to hurt you. But what do you expect him to do on his 8 week trip? Sit and pine for you or get out there and enjoy himself? I think your expectations were unrealistic, however magical it was when you met.

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