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Help! Ridiculous crush

(13 Posts)
susannahmoodie Mon 01-Aug-16 16:25:28

I am in a fucking ridiculous situation and I need someone to help me snap out of it....married for nearly 9 years, love dh deeply....2 beautiful dcs.  V happy, we have a lovely home, good jobs, sex is good esp as youngest dc almost 3 so no sleepless nights anymore etc.....

I got a new job recently, big promotion for me.  There is someone at my new work who I need to work closely with.  He is gay and has been in a ltr for over a decade.  He is charismatic, handsome, funny and we get on great.  I feel I clicked with him straight away and we have a great working relationship and have also become good friends.  We have been out for drinks once with mutual work friends and had so much fun, a proper hoot.  I never thought anything of it, just pleased that I had made a new friend.

He has now gone on holiday and I feel bereft.....I am acting like a lovesick teenager it is so fucking ridiculous....checking my phone every minute to see if he has text, can't think about anything else, composing texts to him then not sending them in case he thinks I'm obsessed, and worst of all I feel like I'm not enjoying anything in my life anymore.....the usual things that give me pleasure eg reading, days out with my kids, holiday plans, planning to redecorate my living room, all see fucking pointless and dull....like I'm just going through the motions......wtf is wrong with me?? It feels like he most intense crush ever but there is NO possibility of anything ever happening.  I will not act on it, and if I ever did it would obv be met with an incredulous wtf.....

In fact, sometimes I wonder if this might be quite a common thing to happen with him as he is so open and lovely in which case I feel like a total cliche!!

I know people will suggest breaking off contact but I can't as I do need to work with him.....I would really like to have him as a friend....but I just want to enjoy my normal life again.....any tips?? 

Missgraeme Mon 01-Aug-16 16:29:55

Just keep reminding yourself u haven't got a penis. . He just sees u as a friend.

susannahmoodie Mon 01-Aug-16 18:18:28

Ha! That is easy to remember smile

susannahmoodie Tue 02-Aug-16 12:15:09

Just bumping this as I'm still feeling utterly miserable about it all....anyone got any other advice, experience?

LocksOfGold Tue 02-Aug-16 12:37:00

Hmmm, I was once obsessed with a certain friend as her presence made my life more exciting/enjoyable.
She too went away and I felt lost! I would text her daily and genuinely missed her so much (as if it was a crush). This is purely because her company was so much fun and I'd never clicked like that with another friend before. But that is as far as it goes, no sexual attraction or feelings.

Would you say you are sexually attracted to this friend/colleague?

susannahmoodie Tue 02-Aug-16 12:38:30

No I wouldn't say so....he is v dashing but not sexual feelings....

YellowPineapple Tue 02-Aug-16 13:04:17

Have a look at the thread 'Married - how to get over massive crush'. Can't link it sorry.

Apparently it's not uncommon. Who knew? I though there was something wrong with me/ my marriage. blush

No contact if possible is the way to go.

susannahmoodie Tue 02-Aug-16 15:09:13

Ok thanks is I will do.

Can't do no contact unless either of us leave work confused

Feel like there is something v wrong with me

RubbishMantra Tue 02-Aug-16 15:51:06

Might well be because you know he's unattainable, so a safe crush, and you know nothing could ever develop.

I had that happen to me, when I worked in an environment with mainly gay male employees.

Some people are just very charismatic.

Just enjoy each other's company, you know neither of you will be tempted to shag each other. Could work out to be a really good friendship.

susannahmoodie Tue 02-Aug-16 16:51:19

I really hope it can.

I'm just not liking myself v much right now!

MojoMoon Tue 02-Aug-16 23:58:57

I have something similar going on and have done for a nearly a year now, except he is not gay. Just uninterested in me. Like wise, can't do no contact unless I leave my job which I like. So....I just bite my lip and get on with it. Every so often, something happens like I see him laughing with some girl from sales etc and it hits me again and it is like being kicked in the stomach. So no advice but plenty of sympathy.
We get along really well, have same interests etc. Am hoping one day I get over it so we can actually be friends. It does mean I am probably not trying very hard to find an alternative man as boyfriend as they can't live up to him!

MojoMoon Wed 03-Aug-16 00:00:41

And the composing texts and not sending them sounds totally familiar. And the bit about being bereft when he is on holiday. We work closely together so I do always know when he is will be off and dread it.

susannahmoodie Thu 04-Aug-16 16:54:43

It's totally ridiculous isn't it ..... Feel like a lovesick teen.....I'm away now too so a bit more distracted.....but still on my mind pretty much all the time

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