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Love bombing - suddenly dumped out of the blue - do you have experience of this? How to get over it

(85 Posts)
WavingNotDrowning Mon 01-Aug-16 10:44:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoahVale Mon 01-Aug-16 10:45:05

sorry to hear that
you are well rid in that case.

thanks
what do you mean by love bombing though?

NoahVale Mon 01-Aug-16 10:46:17

oh i just googled, i was thinking of something else, love bombing children I think.

so he love bombed you and then ran away. and you fell for it.

you will get over it i promise

NoahVale Mon 01-Aug-16 10:46:41

and he is back with his ex?
what a tosser, she is welcome to him, sad man

TheNaze73 Mon 01-Aug-16 10:49:16

* Love bombing is an attempt to influence a person by lavish demonstrations of attention and affection. *

Think all you can do here OP, is take it day by day and it will get better, in time.

You've asked for no comments around your stupidity, bit harsh on yourself there OP. Just illustrates the difference between lust & love after only 5 months. Good luck moving forward flowers

WavingNotDrowning Mon 01-Aug-16 10:55:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

toadgirl Mon 01-Aug-16 11:07:24

Sadly, you've been ghosted flowers

This article may help. You need to move on. Try therapy for abandonment issues. This guy is obviously not worth your time and painful feelings.

________________________________________________________________

5 ways to deal with ghosting without losing your mind

We have put our heads together and come up with 5 ways that will make dealing with this a lot easier.

#1 Just accept it There’s no point in trying to get around it. There’s no point in making excuses for this person. It happened. Just take it in stride, and accept the fact that they no longer want to proceed with any form of a relationship.

And that’s okay! Accepting this will make getting over it a whole lot easier. Just shrug it off, don’t try to contact them, and you will be just fine. The first step in anything is acceptance, right? [Read: The right way to stop feeling ignored by someone you love]

#2 Realize that they’re not worth it And by “it,” I mean any negative emotions you may be feeling. If this person doesn’t even have the decency to break things off with you in person, then they’re not worth your time. Not to mention they couldn’t even lamely break it off over the phone either!

People who ghost are people who don’t have any regard for dealing with other people’s issues or feelings. Those people will not be a good fit in your life anyway, and they’re not even worth the wasted mascara, over-consumption of ice cream, or the anger that comes with them. [Read: 10 signs you’re lovesick and 10 easy ways to get out if it quickly]

#3 Look at is as a positive They did you a favor! Obviously, if someone is ghosting you, then they have a serious problem facing confrontation of any kind. This is a great thing for you to realize as early as you have!

What would happen down the road if the two of you got into a relationship and then into an inevitable fight? Would they just lock themselves in the bathroom or run off to the bar and just ignore you until they think the problem is resolved? You shouldn’t want to be with someone like that, anyways! So by ghosting you, they have done you the favor of breaking it off before you had to. [Read: 6 reasons why so many people have a fear of confrontation]

#4 Stop trying to get a reply out of them Better yet, just delete their number all together. And if they haven’t already deleted you from their social media, then beat them to it. In order to deal with being ghosted, it’s best to just cut yourself off. Don’t go around texting and calling them all the time. Don’t call them out on social media either. Just leave them be and move on!

#5 Find someone else What better way to get over someone who rudely just stopped talking to you than to find someone else to spend your time with? Get out there and find someone who is better than anyone who would ghost you. There are many, many people out there who are far better than that person, and it’s time for you to realize that. Distract yourself with someone better!

www.lovepanky.com/flirting-flings/naughty-affairs/got-ghosted-clear-signs-and-ways-to-deal-with-it

MrsJorahMormont Mon 01-Aug-16 11:12:21

Pmed you waving thanks

ScrambledSmegs Mon 01-Aug-16 11:12:26

WavingNotDrowning - please feel free to tell me to sod off, but I seem to remember your name from long ago threads. Are you the poster who experienced love-bombing with an ex who turned out to be an incredibly cruel man? I seem to remember there was a baby too? If so, it seems like you might be quite vulnerable to this sort of thing.

Even if not, you may benefit from counselling in order to get some more clarity, and some better boundaries in place. The kind of person who talks about love really quickly makes a lot of people take a really big, cautious step back. The fact that you didn't makes me wonder if you have low self-esteem?

AnchorDownDeepBreath Mon 01-Aug-16 11:13:27

Oh Waving, I am sorry. It seems very harsh that he can move on and you're struggling so much.

Would it help to talk through the answers that you're waiting for? You're unlikely to ever get any from him, but I think you'll probably know them yourself really, and if you talk about them you might accept that you do know them? Maybe that would stop you being "stuck" on him.

You sound sadder today, but also less hopeful that he'll come back. i think that's progress, although I'm sure it doesn't feel it.

When do you go away? Is it somewhere you'll be able to keep busy? That could be very helpful. I hope you have a lovely trip.

5tardusty Mon 01-Aug-16 11:16:18

Sorry you are feeling like this. Agree with the points in toadgirl's post.

You've got to keep telling yourself that you have had a lucky escape from this manipulative person. He had no regard for your wellbeing in encouraging you to fall for him and believe that he loved you when he didn't.

This will hurt, but it will pass and you are now free to meet someone decent and will treat you well.

Don't contact him. Each day that you don't contact him, remind yourself how proud you are that you are strong and will not humiliate yourself by wasting a minute of your precious time on him.

Don't worry about going through the motions. There is a lot to be said for faking it until you make it.flowers

KittyKrap Mon 01-Aug-16 11:19:38

I've had this, from dozens and dozens of texts a day to....nothing. Because it was so full on (this was only about 4-6 weeks) you're kind of lost when there's nothing. The good news is that you'll get over this faster, in my experience anyway.

The following day I got a bit teary seeing old couples in cars thinking I'd never have that. I carried on and met someone else (my DH!), first guy got back in touch, 'miss you..' I ignored it. I deleted him from FB, phones and everything and still even now I wonder what the hell I was doing going out with him in the first place! Urgh. But the constant love bombing is VERY flattering.

Read this -
http://breakuprecoveryguide.com/

TheNaze73 Mon 01-Aug-16 11:55:54

Great advice scrambled

Isetan Mon 01-Aug-16 12:00:21

Speak to a professional. As much as he was a tosser, you need to understand why you over invested in this man so quickly and it might also explain, why you're reluctant to take back the power you surrendered to him.

As I said on your other thread, 'closure' is an internal dialogue and not an external one and until you understand that, you won't allow yourself to move on.

WavingNotDrowning Mon 01-Aug-16 12:19:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WavingNotDrowning Mon 01-Aug-16 12:20:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScrambledSmegs Mon 01-Aug-16 12:33:45

Ah, sorry for getting you confused with someone else. It does sound like you're emotionally moving on now, however as it was very recent and pretty sudden I wouldn't worry or put pressure on yourself about the progress you feel you should be making. The way the relationship ended, after the intensity of the emotions you would have been experiencing during the relationship, mean that you will be experiencing something akin to cold turkey. It will take a while for the repercussions of that to leave your system.

The holiday sounds like a marvellous way to draw a line under everything. I hope you and your children have a lovely time flowers

toadgirl Mon 01-Aug-16 13:00:56

Try to allocate 15 minutes a day to wallowing/thinking about your hurt and then when time's up, you have to do something else. To be honest, he's not even worth 15 minutes a day, in my opinion!

Every time a thought about him creeps into your head, just say "it's over - I won't let that man have another minute of headspace" and do something to take your mind off him.

One day you honestly will forget about him. I've forgotten about a guy who behaved like this years ago. I was so distraught I was going into the toilets at work to sob my heart out. I had no interest in going out with friends. Crazy stuff. What a waste of my life that man was. If anyone had told me I'd get over it, I would never have believed them.

The time came when I'd have odd moments of happiness - a fun lunch with friends, a beautiful day in the park, etc.

Then the time came when a whole day would go by and I hadn't thought of him.

Then the time came when he never crossed my mind anymore.

Then the time came when I wouldn't have been interested if he came on bended knee to me. Not because I am bitter about him, but because I've realised that he isn't a decent human being and I am no longer interested in allowing people like that to use up my life.

It's a process.

You WILL get there, OP!

WavingNotDrowning Mon 01-Aug-16 13:21:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AuntieStella Mon 01-Aug-16 13:33:44

"Is he likely to try to contact me? I want to be strong enough to withstand him. I can't go through this again"

I think it's unlikely.

His main focus all along is the ex he has now reunited with. Unless she dumps him decisively, I don't think he'll be back.

Dozer Mon 01-Aug-16 13:36:28

No contact at all would be best, including if he contacts you.

Next time don't introduce to your Dc for much, much longer.

WavingNotDrowning Mon 01-Aug-16 13:40:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hissy Mon 01-Aug-16 15:17:32

All that lovebombing as you've labelled it is just him trying to convince himself of it. The telling his friends etc? Ditto. He is not over his girlfriend, you were a rebound which didn't work.

Your need to be loved/accepted is driving this madness. Going on holiday with the kids With a guy you've known a few months? Each to their own, but why the need to have everything lumped together so quickly? Why integrate him so quickly into your family? Where is the fire?

This fire is what acts as a beacon call to crazies/screwed up people. You have a vulnerability that people like him can sniff out. He sounded like a car crash before we got to the dumping you bit of the story.

You've taken up time in 3 sessions talking about him to your therapist, seriously that's far too much time, money and effort for a guy who doesn't value you.

His loss. He's not good enough. So boot yourself up the bum and stride off into the distance.

Stop the threads, (it just encourages the others to hijack them and drag their own disfunction all over your thread) one thread, 2 threads... Or is it 3 now? Plus the desperate dating thread? By all means - thread for a bit of handholding is one thing, but you're obsessing about him through these threads and feeding your own vicious circle.

You hurt, because someone you thought was a nice bloke wasn't. in your head he was perfect, but you didn't know him well enough, and perhaps your need for him to be perfect meant that he knew he wouldn't live up to it.

It's not personal, he didn't think about anyone except himself. His gf is the only one he wanted but was trying to convince himself otherwise.

That's not your failing, it's his.

He has gone, he's not coming back, and even if he did, he doesn't deserve you. What's more, your kids deserve a better choice from you in terms of a man who will be in their lives. You say he looks old and ridiculous. That's your projection. He chose to go back to her and he is worth her because that's what he wants. In his head he doesn't look old or ridiculous. He will feel good about his choice. Relieved at being back with someone he's been with for, what?, a couple of years? Vs your few months?

I know you're in pain, I truly do, this stuff hurts like hell.

The brain can't tell the difference between emotional pain and physical pain, so we all know how you feel.

But this was always going to happen somehow. I saw a comment somewhere about never dating someone with more issues than you..

WavingNotDrowning Mon 01-Aug-16 15:59:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hissy Mon 01-Aug-16 17:16:55

But it's the truth. Is going over and over and over and over this helping any? No it's not. And the peanut gallery are not the right audience for you either. Look at all the threads, they all bring their own sorry anecdotes to your pity party. And they start talking about dating BBB, and dating CCC and it's just so ridiculous.

You rolling over and over in this fox poo won't help. I know you hurt, but you were the rebound. It really WAS him.

He wasn't ready for a relationship with you or anyone. His issue (but it affected and hurt you)

I know what you feel. I had a whirlwind relationship 18m ago. He ended it. Badly. 3 times it STILL hurts somehow. But talking about it to anyone real or online is useless, it just feeds the obsession, it's like a mouth ulcer. It irritates when you drag your tongue over it, but you just can't stop. It's the only way you have of being close to him.

I get that.

But it's mad.

Utterly bonkers. And multiple threads? No. Enough.

You have something great to look forward to. A holiday. For 3 weeks. That's more than most of us have, so come one girl, pick yourself up, dust yourself down and know that this absolutely wasn't you.

he let you down. You're allowed to feel sorry for yourself for that. Disappointment is crap.

Delete him and her from your life permanently, don't look him or her up again. He does not deserve this deification.

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