Sorry this may be long..
Need some perspective and a kick really to try and help with my resentment towards my sister.
I love her to pieces and we used to be best friends and have so much fun together but within the last couple of years things have changed and I find that I dread spending time with her and find myself resenting her.
A bit of background…. She’s older than me and has 3 kids, because of this the whole family revolved around her and her schedule, which you would expect to a certain degree, family lunches, time spent together, even if going out for the evening, she would dictate the pub we would go to. She met a horrible man, and they ended up getting married, he was an abusive arsehole, everyone told her not to marry him but she did, he tried her appallingly, she did leave him for a while but kept going back. Now I understand how hard it is to leave an abusive marriage, particularly with young children and I would spend hours every evening talking with her and listening to her when she talked about him, after about 5 years of this I admitted I started to get frustrated with her, which I know was not helpful but there is only so much you can talk about the same thing and give the same advice etc. anyway she did eventually leave him which was fab, I was so proud of her, he carried on being an arse, so then it was still hours of phone calls, where she would list what he was doing, I gave her advice to go to the police re harassment, block his number, emails only etc. which she did but kept unblocking his number, he calmed down a bit, and he got a new girlfriend (she was dating someone herself), who she phoned and started telling her all the things he’d done etc. of course it all kicked off again. I told her to stay out of it but she won’t. they’ve split but still in this weird co dependant relationship, they can’t quite leave each other alone.
She started drinking during all this, which I understand why as a way to feel better, at least temporarily, but she is now drinking at least a bottle of wine a night, she phones me and we have conversations which she won’t remember in the morning and tell me again. She is not interested in my life at all, I recently had my first dc, I couldn’t say anything without her outdoing me, ie. I would say how tired I was, she would reply well I was worse as had two young kids and useless husband. I found the first few weeks of motherhood really difficult, dc would scream for hours and was (and still is) a terrible sleeper, I would try to talk to her and she would be obviously bored or outdo me with how hard her life is.
Fast-forward to now, I can’t do anything with her without her trying to turn it into a drinking session, which I have no interest in, she won’t ever come to my house as it means that she has to drive and can’t drink, so if we see each other I have to go to her.
She makes me feel like crap a lot, she has baby sat my dc twice since he was born (now 3) and she goes on and on about it, I used to babysit all the time for her, which stopped when her third was born as her husband wouldn’t let me in the house, but she has rewritten history to where I never helped her, I used to take annual leave when she was ill to take her little ones to school and pick them up etc. none of this is ever remembered.
I feel that everything is about her and her life and she if not interested with me unless I am willing to have a drink. She hates me talking about my DH, if I do mention anything I am lucky cause her ex would do xyz, if I mention my dc she has it worse because of xyz.
I am sick of it but I feel guilty as she has been through so much and I miss the person she used to be. I don’t know where to go from here, I love her but I resent her. Sorry it’s so long.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
resenting my sister and how to stop
9 replies
Puddleduckthe2nd · 01/08/2016 10:12
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.