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Can't get other guy out my head! Help!

(7 Posts)
Orangesaretheonly Sat 30-Jul-16 21:13:57

First post so be kind. I am happily engaged to love of my life. Hoping to book wedding for next year. Recently found out a guy who lived opposite is in a wedding band and know a lot about wedding things in my area. Very chatty to me and my DF whenever he sees us. Has said many times to message him on Facebook or pop in if I had any questions. We haven't asked him yet but keen to have his band at our wedding as they are really good and just the style we are after. So I messaged him on Facebook about some venues and photographers and stuff and he replied and we ended up messaging all day (all about wedding stuff. No flirting or anything off topic). He has a girlfriend so nothing flirty but now I can't get him out my head. He's a really nice guy very genuine but I am finding myself stalking him on social media and checking to see if his curtains are open or his car is there. I do not know what has got in to me. I wanted to post here really just to get it off my chest as no one in rl to talk to about it and to get it out. I love my DF and don't want to cheat/hurt him but I cannot get this guy out my head!!

SandyY2K Sat 30-Jul-16 21:20:59

Are you sure you're ready for marriage? At the planning your wedding stage no other man should be on your mind like this, as you should be so into your fiancé.

If he didn't have a girlfriend and propositioned you, do you think you'd be able to resist?

Orangesaretheonly Sat 30-Jul-16 21:25:00

Yes! We've been together 5 almost 6 years. He is the love of my life. We bought a house together end of 2014. I have never been happier! Just recently I have lost 2 very close family members to cancer and my emotions have been all over the place- I haven't coped particularly well. I think if he was single and propositioned me I would resist. I am not physically attracted to him. It's more the messaging and stuff. It's so strange I can't explain it. It is so unlike me.

coco1810 Sat 30-Jul-16 23:25:21

Look, its in your head. You've not acted on it, and it sounds like you won't. Step away from the social media and get your DF to message him. It sounds like its a reaction to your loss flowers. I think you acknowledge that you haven't coped well, you need to do something about that instead.

SandyY2K Sun 31-Jul-16 00:20:17

Find another wedding band and stop all messaging.

AyeAmarok Sun 31-Jul-16 05:39:13

Get your DF to message him instead and stop contacting him.

Actually it would be wise not to have him at your wedding, you don't want to have a man you're infatuated with distracting your attention away from your husband on your wedding day, that's just all kinds of fucked up.

And get some counselling for yourself if you think your grief has something to do with this, so you don't lose your partner too.

pallasathena Sun 31-Jul-16 06:57:40

Its displacement. Common when dealing with grief. You need to get some grief counselling or maybe look for a self help book on the subject which comes with strong recommendations. And I agree with the other posters, you need to walk away from this obsessive behaviour now. Its dangerous, its unfair to your fiance and you're storing up trouble for the future that will most likely turn out to be very unpleasant indeed.

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