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am I being stringed along?

(27 Posts)
cammyli Sat 30-Jul-16 19:25:55

Can anyone give me any advice please?

Me and my child's dad spilt 2 months ago, he moved out due to silly arguing and I've wanted to get back together ever since and he's not been sure. 

Eventually we agreed we would spend time together and see how we would get on without the arguing, we have had a couple of fall outs since one recently being last week. 

We're back on speaking terms, he texts me everyday ect, but whenever I ask what's going on between us and if we're gonna get back together it's always "I don't know". I said to him I'm worried he's gonna find someone else or start speaking to other girls and he said he's not going to do that until he knows that we are completely over. I feel so confused with the whole situation an he barely talks about it. 

I said to him straight out if you don't want to be together then please just say and he was like I really just don't know.
Do you think with the whole "I don't know" is just his way of letting me down gently, or do you think he just needs time to think? Because our last argument I was in the wrong so I could see where he was coming from if so. Thanks 

howtofixme Sat 30-Jul-16 19:30:23

I think you are his fall back plan if nothing better comes along, sorry that sounds quite harsh when you read it, but he is not moving to make a decision so that is what I think he is planning.

FiveFullFathoms Sat 30-Jul-16 19:31:06

Brace yourself. Tough love coming your way.

If he wanted to be with you he would be. 2 months is more than enough time for him to make up his mind.

Do you really want to be the person that he's only going out with until someone better comes along? Have some self respect.

You're being a bit clingy and pathetic. He's hedging his bets.

You need to end it and mean it.

Hope you're ok OP. It's shit when you're really into someone and they don't reciprocate. flowers

bluecashmere Sat 30-Jul-16 20:17:10

Sorry to hear about your situation. There is nothing worse than being in limbo or being the one clinging to a relationship hoping it will all come good. Yes, he's stringing you along because as PP said, if he wanted to be with you he would. Take control and put an end to it and move on with your life.

Pearlman Sat 30-Jul-16 20:57:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

smilingeyes11 Sat 30-Jul-16 21:03:44

You need to stop giving him the power and stop being an option for him. He doesn't want you enough, he is keeping you on the back burner. Tell him to sod off and find your self respect and stop waiting for him.

BIWI Sat 30-Jul-16 21:05:57

If you're falling out all the time - several times a week - and he won't commit to you - surely you know what the answer is?

Don't debase yourself. You're worth more than this. Walk away.

Resilience16 Sat 30-Jul-16 23:20:12

If he wanted to be with you he would be. Simple as that, painful as it may be to hear.
He is keeping you hanging ad his back up. Do yourself a favour, gather your dignity together and walk away.
You deserve someone who actually wants to be with you.

SandyY2K Sun 31-Jul-16 00:26:54

He's testing the waters.

Why not set a timeline of when you both decide if you'll give it a go.

Improvisingnow Sun 31-Jul-16 05:36:52

Im afraid "I don't know" probably means "I do know, but I can't face telling you." - last resort of the weak man.

My exH did this all through the collapse of our marriage after I found him cheating.. He "didn't know" anything including why the affair had started, why he didn't tell me when it was serious, whether he wanted to be with me etc. Looking back, he definitely did know, he just did not want to take responsibility.

I'm sorry OP, but it doesn't look good. Definitely stop asking him when he is coming back, that just casts you as the supplicant and will not make him more likely to return.

LellyMcKelly Sun 31-Jul-16 06:27:53

I agree with the other posters. If he wanted to be with you he'd be with you.

allegretto Sun 31-Jul-16 06:33:45

I agree with the others - you need to take back control and not let him call the shots. If he won't decide, you decide for him (and btw it's strung).

attsca Sun 31-Jul-16 06:34:23

There's a reason he's not with you. He knows the reason and you don't.

Time to make a decision and move on regardless.

RowenaDahl Sun 31-Jul-16 08:22:14

I had one of these many years ago. I read the book "He's just not into you" and it put it all in perspective.

If he wants to be with you, he would be there putting you first before someone else snaps you up. He's not, is he? He's hedging his bets in case someone better turns up.

Let him go and make a space for someone who really wants to be with you. Don't accept anything less.

Pearlman Sun 31-Jul-16 08:27:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cammyli Sun 31-Jul-16 11:32:00

Thanks for the replies.

I've spoken to him about it again an he's said that he does want to get back together he just doesn't want the arguing. I think I'm gonna take a step back to pestering him asking him what's going on all of the time. Ive just felt confused as he brings up stuff in the future like Christmas ect when we're not together.

People saying to take a step back how could I do that when we have the little one together? He picks him up every weekend, I would happily cut off contact if it means I would get some control back but he texts me first every single day an obviously this is someone I want back in my life an I don't really want to ignore.

KatharinaRosalie Sun 31-Jul-16 11:37:43

Tell him that from now on, you need to keep your communications limited to matters concerning your DC only. No other texts. And you won't send him any either.
If he was interested in getting back together, he would be figuring out ways how to do that, and he would also be worried that you might change your mind, meet someone else etc. He's not.

Pearlman Sun 31-Jul-16 11:43:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lottielou7 Sun 31-Jul-16 11:48:36

It's possible he is stringing you along. But surely it's also possible that since you only split up 2 months ago, there must be reasons why. Is it possible he is not sure whether these problems can be resolved so that you could live together again?

Finola1step Sun 31-Jul-16 11:49:45

I can appreciate that lots of arguments in a relationship is very wearing. Did you argue a great deal? If so, it is worth looking at why and the triggers.

However, there are some huge red flags in what he has said. If you do argue lots then it is understandable that he wants that to change. But if the arguing is more along the lines of normal stuff, then be very, very careful. He may be saying "We can get back together as long as you are on your best behaviour. No nagging, no arguments, just an easy life for me". If that is his real message, then run like the wind.

Lottielou7 Sun 31-Jul-16 11:49:55

If you're always arguing then that can't be a very healthy environment for your DC.

Lottielou7 Sun 31-Jul-16 11:52:15

The 'he's just not into you' school of thought doesn't necessarily apply in this particular situation I don't think.

cammyli Sun 31-Jul-16 11:55:13

We'd argue often over something silly and it would be over with, but the week he moved out we were stressed over money ect and I was maybe a little to hard on him with a few things.

cammyli Sun 31-Jul-16 11:58:05


Your post has got me thinking actually.
Because there has been a couple of times we're I have said that all couples are going to argue on some occasion, and I've addressed my issues and what I think I did wrong to cause the break up. But obviously if something needs to be said I'm not keeping my mouth shut to an easy quiet life.

Resilience16 Mon 01-Aug-16 09:37:28

If you both think the relationship is worth saving then consider couples counselling, and look at ways to improve the way you communicate rather than just arguing.
If you are arguing about the same issues over and over then they are the things you need to be addressing.
If your partner isn't willing to consider the above and just wants you to put up and shut up then I guess you have to make your choices based on that.
Good luck

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