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Marriage breakup - really struggling

(3 Posts)
faffalotty Sat 30-Jul-16 12:42:13

I posted on here a couple of months ago when I discovered my husband (who I've been with for 28 years) had an affair a few years ago. This was in addition to an emotional affair a few years prior to that and several months of lying to me this year about his whereabouts and spending time with a female friend.
Although my initial reaction (denial?) was to stay together and put it behind us, I soon realized that I had been doing that for so long and nothing ever changed. My feelings of self-worth had been eroded and I was becoming consumed with worry and anxiety over what he was going to do next. Knowing he had been unfaithful was the final straw. So I made the decision to end the marriage.

Since then I have been through lots of different emotions, never knowing how I'm going to be from one day to the next. However, I have felt that I was generally improving.

Our situation is that we are selling our home and will each buy our own houses. My husband has been staying with friends quite often and we have both been away for weekends, but at times he does still stay at the family home.

The past few days I have felt incredibly low. I have been crying for hours at a time, sometimes howling, mostly the tears just fall and I can't stop them. I am finding it really hard to cope. I think it is because it is all becoming very real - we've sold our house and I could be in a new home in a couple of months. I am so unbelievably sad about what I am losing. It may sound ridiculous but I still love my husband and find it hard now to appreciate how unhappy I have been in the marriage - I can only recall the good stuff. When I see him I want to hug him.

I am hurting so much and I just don't feel able to go on. Any strength that I had and feelings of positivity that I was doing the right thing, have all gone.

I have been seeing a counsellor, at the sessions so far I have been coping well. I have another one this coming week, so hopefully I will be able to get some help then if I haven't improved.

I don't really know what I expect from this thread, I just don't want to feel so alone. I don't feel like harming myself but I do feel that life is just too hard to handle. Can I regain control and change my current pattern of thinking?

HappyJanuary Sat 30-Jul-16 15:10:10

My story is similar op.

For a long time I felt empowered and excited for the future, and then I hit a brick wall and was filled with doubts. From what I have read, it is very common to run out of steam after 6-12months of feeling quite positive.

Like you I found myself remembering the good times and missing him. Certain things would remind me of him and I'd cry over every memory. It didn't help that he wanted to come home and was 'on his best behaviour' whenever I saw him - funny, witty, caring.

I don't think there's an easy answer. Just take comfort from the women who have pushed through it to happier times, remember why you set off on this path in the first place, and get support from rl friends and family where you can.

faffalotty Sat 30-Jul-16 16:36:06

Thanks January

Really appreciate it. Hope you are now experiencing happier times yourself

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