Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Wanting to move on and feeling really stuck

(7 Posts)
sarsiem Sat 30-Jul-16 00:41:52

H and I split last year following his affair. He has since then refused to move out. I feel as if I will never be living the calm peaceful happy life that I crave for my daughters and myself. Eldest Dd goes into yr 11 in September and I know that if I continue to live in the same house as my ex that it will affect her studies/ concentration. The stress is making me ill. I have filed for divorce but recently discovered solicitor hadn't filed the papers with the court causing a delay. I don't know how much longer I can go on living like this. I feel like it is aging me and I am finding it hard to concentrate on anything. I have two weeks annual leave now but can't relax in my own home due to ex being around all the time. I feel sick whenever I hear his key in the door. This is a truly horrible way to live and it has now been going on for far too long.
Just posting to vent! And it's always worse at the weekend as I have to see more of him.

LippyLiz Sat 30-Jul-16 12:38:44

Bumping this for you. I can only imagine how awful this is for you. My friend was in exactly the same position as you and he stayed in the home for around a year. She made herself ill, she lived in her bedroom and she was worried at times as he is manipulative with a temper. He eventually left but it took a long time because he knew how hard it was for her, and he knew he was punishing her and took great satisfaction in it.

I'm sure someone will come along with advice flowers

LongGrass Sat 30-Jul-16 14:16:41

It is a very stressful way to live. Very. I experienced something similar when a relationship ended with an angry b/f years ago. The atmosphere was horrible until he moved out.

You probably don't feel up to it but I think you should complain to about the Solicitor forgetting to file the papers. Jeez. Not enough people complain about poor solicitors failing to do their jobs. I would also get a new solicitor.

I don't know where you legally stand in all this. Perhaps you do. If not it might be worth you finding out where you stand legally. If your ex is refusing to move out and you own your both own the property, you might have to wait until divorce comes through before you can sell? If you are renting you could move now? Your husband sounds totally unco-operative, but I think once you have had (proper) legal advice, you can also ask him his intentions.

Its an awful place to be I know sad. Get more information on your options. Try and bear in mind it won't be forever.

LongGrass Sat 30-Jul-16 14:17:14

I meant complain to the Solicitor Complaints Authority.

sarsiem Sat 30-Jul-16 15:46:17

Thank you both for replying. Just had long chat with my Dad he's trying to keep me sane. Also had impromptu lunch out with a lovely friend so today has picked up! Got my sister coming to stay tomorrow and I'm away with my girls on Friday.
I think I do need to complain about the solicitor. He did apologise but it's not good enough really. My Dad paid the court fee back before the budget (when the cost increased by £140 ) and they tried to charge me the extra. I also probably need to change solicitors.
Thanks again, I appreciate your support.

LippyLiz Sat 30-Jul-16 16:07:07

I'm sure I recall from my friends situation that unless you or the DCs are in danger or he physically threatens any of you, he is legally obliged to stay in the home if it's legally owned. It's good that you've gotten yourself out this week, think you need to do it more often, my therapy is walking, even in the rain! When you get started, you can get quite addicted xx

sarsiem Sat 30-Jul-16 16:30:59

Thank you Liz walking has saved me this last 14 months! Little dog is happy. We're out in all weathers. Definitely good therapy x

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now