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Married man keeps messaging me

(25 Posts)
LucyLocketLostIt Fri 29-Jul-16 23:19:04

I've done absolutely nothing to encourage him. I know the wife in passing just to say hello to.

I've heard he's tried it on with loads of other women.

I was friendly initially. Then I felt he was being inappropriate. And I've pretty much ignored him since then but he keeps persisting.

Should I just defriend him on FB? Or just continue to ignore? It feels a bit awkward because I occasionally see him around and our children are in the same class.

SmallBee Fri 29-Jul-16 23:20:49

I'd tell him that he is making you uncomfortable and that unless he'd like you to send screen shots of his messages to his wife he should leave you alone.

AnotherEmma Fri 29-Jul-16 23:22:48

Screenshot the messages and give them to his wife. If you only know her in passing you've got nothing to lose. She might thank you, she might not, but you'll have done the right and got him off your back.

You could also ask him to stop contacting you and tell him that you will report him for harassment if he contacts you again.

LucyLocketLostIt Fri 29-Jul-16 23:23:35

I feel like I really don't want to engage with him. I'm veering towards just defriending him. Would that be an OK way to deal with it?

AnotherEmma Fri 29-Jul-16 23:23:57

(But yeah defriending or blocking him on FB would be a pretty obvious thing to do! Why haven't you done that yet?!)

AnotherEmma Fri 29-Jul-16 23:24:36

Cross post
No brainer, obviously defriend - although blocking is better, he won't be able to see you on FB any more

LucyLocketLostIt Fri 29-Jul-16 23:25:22

I have considered telling the wife. But, without giving away any details, I have reason to believe their relationship is basically over anyway and she seems like a nice woman and I would hate to embarrass her. It's quite a small village.

WellErrr Fri 29-Jul-16 23:26:01

Just on Facebook? Just block him.

And don't be 'friendly' next time married strangers start messaging you. They ain't looking for new friendship circles.

LucyLocketLostIt Fri 29-Jul-16 23:27:01

I guess I haven't defriended him yet because I wanted him to get the message without me having to resort to that. I just wanted him to stop and for it not to be too awkward next time I bump into him.

LucyLocketLostIt Fri 29-Jul-16 23:28:30

He's not a stranger. He contacted me initially to thank me for something. I don't want to give any details away. It was all seemingly very innocent when he initially contacted me. Then he went a bit weird.

Hubnut Fri 29-Jul-16 23:32:45

Defriend him and stop worrying what he will think about it. He's made you feel uncomfortable. That's reason enough.

WorraLiberty Fri 29-Jul-16 23:35:07

Just block him.

Defriending won't stop the messages.

Personally if it was me, I would tell him in no uncertain terms first, that he's bang out of order.

LucyLocketLostIt Fri 29-Jul-16 23:35:41

Yes, you're right. It doesn't matter what he thinks. I'll block and defriend him. Thank you.

RiceCrispieTreats Sat 30-Jul-16 10:09:32

See, people who like to push boundaries thrive on other people's concern about maintaining niceness and avoiding awkwardness.

So get rid of that concern: he's the one being out of line, so what if you make things awkward in your interactions with him? Don't smile or chat to him when you see him in person (if you do). Be cold and stand-offish. Cut him short, step away, use the catch-all retort "I'm not interested" to anything he might have to say.

What do you care if that creates awkwardness? You don't want his attention; he's shown that he's not a "friend".

loveyoutothemoon Sat 30-Jul-16 10:14:51

I'm having the same problem. Doesn't get the hint after I ignore another message. Next time is the one where I tell him he's making me feel uncomfortable!

RiceCrispieTreats Sat 30-Jul-16 10:20:04

Doesn't get the hint after I ignore another message.

That's because he doesn't want to get the hint.
Also, "you're making me uncomfortable" is a kind of a win for that variety of creep. You're admitting that they are getting under your skin, that they have that power.

Make "I" statements instead, and make them much more powerful, about your position: "I don't want to receive these kinds of messages any more." "I don't want to hear from you again." "I am not interested."

loveyoutothemoon Sat 30-Jul-16 10:29:02

Good points rice thanks.

PortiaCastis Sat 30-Jul-16 10:31:42

Be forceful text him back saying
Fuck off I'm not interested and I certainly don't want to be the OW. You are a sorry arse so leave me alone.

Itsnowornever01 Sat 30-Jul-16 10:38:08

Just say 'I don't want to be your second best' as the song goes grin

Cacofonix Sat 30-Jul-16 10:48:21

Christ don't say you don't want to be his second best - he may dump his wife and come running to you. shock

Itsnowornever01 Sat 30-Jul-16 11:24:33

grin ok don't do that then blush

LucyLocketLostIt Sat 30-Jul-16 13:59:00

Very good advice. Thank you ricecrispytreats. I've blocked him now and will do my best to ignore him next time I see him.

Glad to hear that OP.

FTR, I'm generally in the "tell the wife" camp. And if they're breaking up anyway, why the heck not? Maybe it's just the last bit of ammo she needs in divorce court.

But mainly, I just don't get why people are afraid they're "being rude" by defriending on Facebook. You have every right to be friends (or not) with anybody you like!! If somebody gives you the creeps, or posts a lot of crap you hate, you are under no obligation to keep them on.

pallasathena Sat 30-Jul-16 16:57:04

Advise re-setting your twat radar!

SystemAticcally Sun 31-Jul-16 17:12:01

Defriend, it's not that complicated.

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