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What do I do now?

(8 Posts)
DoggyMadMum Fri 29-Jul-16 19:08:59

This is my first post, I've been lurking for years but never had need to post until now. I have been with my DH for 5 years, married for 3 - we both have a kid each from previous relationships and a DD together. He has been financially controlling since we started living together but I was actually quite pleased that he was taking over the boring job of sorting finances and it made sense as he had his own limited company (working as a contractor) which I joined as we both do the same type of job.

In the past year or so he's been very short with me, snapping, we've been arguing and it got to the point that I felt he didn't respect me and was treating me poorly. We went to couples counselling to address this and after a rocky first couple of weeks things did get better.

We stopped going to the counselling and within weeks he was back to the same old ways and when I would react to him speaking to me in a way I didn't like, he would always blame me - 'Why are you being like this?'. For information, both his Mum and his ex-partner have described him as a bully but I thought I would never let myself be bullied.

Anyway, cut to last week when the bottom fell out of my world, basically he has been mismanaging the company and we are in a ridiculous amount of debt, he's been hiding it / lying for well over a year and I still think I don't know the full extent of it - got most of my information from the accountant who came to see us to try and sort out the mess.

I am devastated, we will have to move house, sell the cars etc etc and even now he's not taking responsibility for what he's done and is looking to me to reassure him everything is going to be ok, wanting hugs and stuff. I am furious, the life I thought we were going to live no longer exists and my future is scary.

I don't think I can trust him again, do I leave him?

FolderReformedScruncher Fri 29-Jul-16 19:17:14

I would.

FreeFromHarm Fri 29-Jul-16 19:21:51

Been there, ended up paying off his dept ,still am, I left, and my best advice you should do the same

DoggyMadMum Fri 29-Jul-16 19:44:42

If it was just me, I'd leave tonight but I'm worried about my DD not having her parents together, feel like I should give him a second chance so that I know I've tried my best in the relationship but not sure how I'm going to manage it.

If we have to move house now, I'm thinking it would be better to make the break now than give it a go and then move the kids again in 6 months / 1 years time?

FreeFromHarm Fri 29-Jul-16 20:15:11

I stayed and trusted again, I have a daughter, we lost everything, you are the only person who can make that decision. Wish you all the best

Costacoffeeplease Fri 29-Jul-16 20:36:32

If you can't trust him, you can't stay with him - and that's without the stroppiness and snapping - what is there to stay for?

DoggyMadMum Fri 29-Jul-16 20:36:47

When I left my first husband, I had tried for years and knew I'd done everything in my power to save our relationship. I think I'm finding this so hard as it's all happened at once and I don't want to quit without trying my best to sort our relationship out but I just can't see a way forward at the moment - feeling very traumatised by it all and looking around the house thinking of all the stuff I need to do and not having any energy to do any of it.

FreeFromHarm Fri 29-Jul-16 20:52:50

I planned for two years to escape ( DV amongst other issues) once the dust settles, you will be able to think more clearly. get over the weekend and get some advice, have you a financial adviser, my situation is slightly different, but you can do this, for the future of you and your dd, please make sure you get some advice.

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