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Partner and his ex! *screenshots of issue included as clicked back instead of create!"

(28 Posts)
user1469781192 Fri 29-Jul-16 10:18:05

Would love some advice xx

SpecialAgentFreyPie Fri 29-Jul-16 10:48:28

I'm so sorry you're struggling, especially at what should be a very happy time. flowers

Someone will be along soon who will have good advice WRT your relationship. My advice is NOT to post that stuff on FB. People will gossip as it won't be hard to put two and two together, especially as she's not on your friends list.

SpecialAgentFreyPie Fri 29-Jul-16 10:51:15

Sorry meant to say as it's extremely passive aggressive people will catch on pretty quickly, and you don't need to add gossip to your list of concerns!

HouseworkIsASin10 Fri 29-Jul-16 10:53:56

If his heart is not fully with you I would call it a day. Leave them to it, they are both disrespecting you, they deserve each other.

user1469781192 Fri 29-Jul-16 11:09:08

Thank you so much for replying! I won't post anything else referencing them from now. It's just so hard when I'm practically begging him to stop going behind my back by going to her and he completely ignores me but tells me what I want to hear to my face 😢 They'll both know I know I know about the messages by my post so I'll leave it now , thank you ladies xxx

AnyFucker Fri 29-Jul-16 11:15:59

I wouldn't be so sure he isn't cheating, sorry

He is using the excuse of the dog to stay in close contact where you don't question his whereabouts for an hour on a daily basis. He is disrespecting you and sounds quite cruel about it.

I think you might have to do some serious thinking once you have had this baby. This would be a deal breaker for me.

SpecialAgentFreyPie Fri 29-Jul-16 11:16:41

You mentioned you think each one is still carrying a torch for one another, do you think they could be in that 'should we/shouldn't we' stage of an affair, where it's not physical but emotional, sneaking off for 'dates,' complaining about their partners etc?

SpecialAgentFreyPie Fri 29-Jul-16 11:17:06

=cake] for you as you can't have wine!

SpecialAgentFreyPie Fri 29-Jul-16 11:17:19

Damn it. cake

user1469781192 Fri 29-Jul-16 11:29:33

She's a teacher so she's never there when he goes to her house mon-fri (that I'm aware of) but he still goes into the garage of the house the both shared and into the back garden to collect the dog who trots out of the dog flap. He used to go into her house with his own set of keys until her now husband put a stop to it , her husband hates the relationship just as much as I do. He tells me he has no feelings for her but I don't believe him , he ignores her when she lies to him and when I ask him why he treats her like she's a princess he takes off at me and tells me I'm jealous! I'm NOT jealous I'm worn down and just want the father of my child to myself without an ex being such a huge part of us..He tells me that the last 3 years of their relationship was sexless so he has no urge to be with her but he could be telling me anything. The reason he spilt with her was because he wanted kids and marriage but she didn't so he ended things , she's now married with a stepchild and he's told me multiple times it annoys him that she wouldn't marry him but married another man , When I tel him those comments hurt me he tells me I'm the only one for him?! I'm just confused by him 😢Xx

user1469781192 Fri 29-Jul-16 11:35:21

Also I've told him if things don't change by the time the baby is here then I'm prepared to be a single mum again , even that doesn't seem to put things into perspective for him , he's even told me not long ago that all I want to do is keep him away from her and her house and it's not going to happen , The dog comes first 😢 They made this agreement before either one of them had new partners and like I keep saying to him , things change and they have to move with the times , His baby should be no.1 xx

SpecialAgentFreyPie Fri 29-Jul-16 11:41:50

I REALLY hate to say this, but if it walks like a duck...

They may be being so brazen because they never stopped the sexual side of their relationship?

Believe me, if someone wants to cheat they find a way. People can be absurdly creative with lies and misdirection!

Big hugs

magoria Fri 29-Jul-16 11:49:11

You deserve better than to be a third (or fourth if you count her H) wheel in this relationship.

I would arrange to move on before the baby comes. It is easier to do so and start fresh rather than when you are trapped with a new born.

It may be the kick up the arse he needs or nothing will change. If the latter you know where you stand with him.

Neither of them respect you.

Arfarfanarf Fri 29-Jul-16 11:57:38

You ask what others would do

I would walk away.

He either cannot or will not end his relationship with her.

And it is a relationship.

Whether they are still sleeping together or not.

Their emotional closeness and the way they conspire to keep their lives entwined scream it.

You cant force him to stop. He has shown you constantly that his desire to remain in her life matters more to him than your feelings about it.

I think he wants her more than he wants you.

Certainly you are not his priority.

In that situation - i would leave.

user1469781192 Fri 29-Jul-16 12:22:35

Arfarfanarf everything you've just said is spot on and how I've felt over the whole thing for a long time 😢 that's why I referenced them both on Fb as the final straw 😢

I really appreciate your replies and you've all pointed out the same thing , I'm not his priority 😢 Xx

SpecialAgentFreyPie Fri 29-Jul-16 12:30:34

User Do you have friends that are only 'your' friends you can talk to? I tried to send you a PM but MN said I couldn't.

You're in an emotional, hormonal and scary place with DC1 so close to arrival, not to mention this is all exacerbated by those cunts the person who is supposed to prioritise you above all others, and a gloating ex.

If not friends, how about family? I think it's important you talk to someone about how much you're hurting.

EstellaHavisham Fri 29-Jul-16 12:41:21

I feel for you because your pain comes through strongly in your words.
This must be exhausting for you.
He won't stop. He doesn't need to walk this dog every day. He chooses to to keep some sort of relationship going. She is just as bad because if my XH was constantly texting/coming round I would have gone ballistic by now.
That is, if that's all they are doing sad
Something is going on and it won't stop.
If it was me I would end the relationship with him.

DietCockBreak Fri 29-Jul-16 12:50:18

Someone who puts spending time with his ex's dog before spending time with his pregnant wife - every day - needs a bloody head check. What the hell is wrong with him? I agree with everyone else, it's not right and he doesn't care how you feel. sad

MackerelOfFact Fri 29-Jul-16 13:03:25

The dog comes first

WTF?! I am a dog lover, but seriously, the dog couldn't give a crap who takes it for a walk. It wouldn't even be that bothered if it never saw him again.

That's not an attitude I would ever accept in a relationship, especially when he is putting his dog about the his unborn child and partner.

Get rid. Your baby doesn't deserve a father that will disappear every night to walk a dog rather than spend time with them, and you don't deserve a partner that is so emotionally invested in his ex.

Cosmo111 Fri 29-Jul-16 13:06:19

It sounds like he's in a relationship with her tbh OP. Why should a dog take presidence over his DP and unborn child. What's he going to do leave a newborn to go walking the dog? I don't believe it for a second.

He already admitted to being angry she married someone else as he wanted kids and marriage to her, your his substitute he wouldn't of said such hurt words otherwise, the bloke isn't prepared to give it up despite the inappropriateness of it all

Offred Fri 29-Jul-16 13:36:31

Oh yeah the 'we are friends' thing....

No, you are fostering an inappropriate relationship with another woman whom you clearly have feelings for no matter what you say!

I've been in this situation before.

My advice is to get out of the relationship. Even if he stops this inappropriate behaviour/relationship your self esteem will have suffered and you will seethe with resentment/bad memories for as long as you are with him.

flanjabelle Fri 29-Jul-16 14:10:39

It's nothing to do with the dog. He just wants to stay connected to her in some way.

Op this must be agonising for you right now. Pregnancy is such a vulnerable time and it hurts beyond words when your partner is not supportive (I know, I have been there).

The best thing you could do is seize control of the situation, leave the relationship and look after yourself. You need to absolutely smother yourself with self care and surround yourself with friends and family.

This loser is going to ruin your experience of motherhood. You would be better alone. Stop the tug of war as you are losing anyway.

I'm so sorry op.

pillowaddict Fri 29-Jul-16 14:14:29

He doesn't respect you and is prepared to hurt you to keep her in his life - says everything doesn't it, whether or not they are sleeping together. I'm sorry but you know yourself he hasn't moved on - you should.

pillowaddict Fri 29-Jul-16 14:15:44

P's I did this with an ex and a cat - it's pathetic now when I think about how I lied to keep contact with him, clinging on desperately to something we shared! It's not a child, even if he loved the dog he needs to let it go.

FantasticButtocks Fri 29-Jul-16 14:24:54

Don't stand for being second best OP. Never make someone a priority for whom you are only an option. We treat people how to treat us. Leaving him would illustrate nice and clearly that you will not play second fiddle to his ex and a dog. Do it for your own sense of self worth.

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