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FB etiquette with stbxh

(15 Posts)
GoldenOrb Thu 28-Jul-16 23:21:32

Do I unfriend him, put him on limited profile, or leave it as is? I post a lot more than he does, although he does use it quite a bit and reads my posts. I'm not bothered about what he does after we split up, nor do I want him to know that I had porridge for my dinner!

facebookrecruit Thu 28-Jul-16 23:24:16

depends how well you are getting along really?

chocolatemuppet Thu 28-Jul-16 23:25:02

Id unfriend. Definitely. Because even if you're fine with what he's posting now, at some point you'll see something you don't want to. Or you'll post something you later regret.

Paniniswapx3 Thu 28-Jul-16 23:29:06

Unfriend - no drama with it, just do it.

TheNaze73 Fri 29-Jul-16 07:13:37

Unfriend, all may be good in the hood now however, stuff can happen in the future that you may want him not to know about, like being tagged somewhere etc

Hotwaterbottle1 Fri 29-Jul-16 08:46:30

I don't use Facebook anymore but all my friends do and he is friends with more than 50% of them, is it rude to ask them to unfriend (unless he has separate relationship with them). They include photos of me etc!

situatedknowledge Fri 29-Jul-16 08:48:29

You could start by just hiding his posts, then progress later to unfriending.

AnnettePrice Fri 29-Jul-16 09:07:19

To start with STBXH and I used FB messenger to contact re DC.
I just hid his FB posts, I didn't want to see them, I'm not interested in what he is up to, it's his life and I want nothing to do with it.
Then I went to message him and I couldn't, he had not only defriended me, but also blocked me (how petty). As you can't block someone who has blocked you, I went to another device I had FB on and blocked him before device updated. I did this so he couldn't unblock to spy on my life and then re-block.
I'm glad I did block him as I hear from multiple sources that he is fishing for information about me and what i am up to.

SomedayMyPrinceWillCome Fri 29-Jul-16 09:13:58

You can change the privacy status of each post I think, so that certain people can / can't see it. It's a bit of a faff doing it each time you post admittedly but an idea at least.

LellyMcKelly Fri 29-Jul-16 09:21:41

I'd just leave it if you're getting along ok. Just don't post about your breakfast (nobody want to know what you had for breakfast anyway 😂).

Ebony69 Fri 29-Jul-16 09:42:35

Yes, it would be rude to ask your friends to unfriend him.

Hassled Fri 29-Jul-16 09:45:12

If you're getting on well enough and unless you're a massive FB oversharer, I'd just leave it. If you have DCs together, it's a nice way of seeing what they're up to when they're with him, and vice versa.

lacktoastandtolerance Fri 29-Jul-16 09:50:19

I hid my ex from my timeline - but it wasn't a horrible breakup - and I do look at it occasionally when I'm in the right frame of mind to. The problem with having everything come up in your timeline whenever it's posted is their highs my coincide with your lows, or you might decide to wade in on something.

If it had been a difficult breakup then I would have unfriended / blocked, but we still remain in some contact in "real life", and I had no desire to cause offence.

The breakup did affect what I posted for a little while, partly because I was very conscious not to appear like I was gloating about any positive news. But over time I just got back into whatever my version of normal is.

Ultimately, the question is: how do you feel? If you genuinely want to know what he is up to, leave it. If you don't think it will be healthy (and it probably won't) then hide him from your feed.

Personally, I regret adjusting what I posted. I went quiet, and would have preferred friends to know that I was actually doing OK.

If he doesn't want to see what you're up to, he can hide / unfriend / block you - you're leaving this relationship, don't let it bother you what he does or doesn't know about you.

One final piece of advice... maybe reconsider the idea of posting that you had porridge for breakfast anyway grin

heron98 Fri 29-Jul-16 09:52:35

Depends if you intend to see him again. Do you have kids together?

if so, I'd just leave him on there. He can hide you if he wants but presumably you're not posting the innermost details of your soul.

GoldenOrb Fri 29-Jul-16 13:42:24

I'm probably not a typical fb user. I never put photos of the kids on or even use their names. I'll occasionally post about them but in a general way, so it's not that he would miss out on information about them by me unfriending him.

I think that being able to have the freedom to post what I want is more important than keeping the peace and staying friends.

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