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Is this cheating? What do I do??

(22 Posts)
whattodoay Thu 28-Jul-16 20:59:51

Okaay so I was on DPs phone on my Facebook because my phone doesn't work. Saw a funny thing on most recents about an online website you can chat to women on webcams too. Then shamefully went through his history - found he'd been looking at male sex toys and stuff. So went onto his emails to see what's going on and there was a message from an account on a sugar daddy website where he has signed himself up to. I managed to log into his account because I know what password he would've used and his account says single, no children (we have one DC).
I've nc for this for obvs reasons.
Sorry this is so rushed I'm in such shock i don't know what to do confusedsad

Joysmum Thu 28-Jul-16 21:05:14

Cheating is anything your partner would dare to share with you because he knows he's broken the boundaries of what you'd be happy with.

So, what do you want to do about it?

Have you looked at his activity on that site? Do you need to or is it bad enough that he's joined that you don't need to know the details.

Getit Thu 28-Jul-16 21:05:49

So sorry that you have to deal with this.
You need to confront him.

newworldnow Thu 28-Jul-16 21:05:58

You will be in shock so have a sugary tea. You know you have to tell him to leave then you can process what you need to do next.

whattodoay Thu 28-Jul-16 21:09:36

I honestly don't know what to do. Obviously I need to talk to him but how do you do that?!
We have a child ffs

DrMorbius Thu 28-Jul-16 21:19:17

Hold on. I need to save this and cut and paste in the future because I must have typed this out 10 times

I am an Internet forager, I look at EVERYTHING, I have joined dating websites to see what they are like and to see if I knew anyone I have watched beheadings, burnings and nato strikes, not nice and all other sorts shit.

First ask you DP, what he is up to. While I don't advertise all the crap I look at, I wouldn't hide it for DW if asked.

whattodoay Thu 28-Jul-16 21:21:09

I've decided I'll talk to him when DC finally goes to bed. His profile on the website says "open to anything" and "looking for fun"

loveyoutothemoon Thu 28-Jul-16 21:22:50

There's your answer then!

nowaybaby Fri 29-Jul-16 00:02:36

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. What a shock for you.
Ask him to leave. You need space and he needs to realise you are serious.

SandyY2K Fri 29-Jul-16 00:06:24

You should join and message him. See what his response is.

CoolioAndTheGang Fri 29-Jul-16 00:12:35

Well, he's putting himself out there, even if he hasn't acted on it yet, his intentions are clear. I'd be booting him out, if it were me, I have zero tolarence for being messed around.

DietCockBreak Fri 29-Jul-16 00:24:22

What a big shock OP poor you. flowers I hope you're ok. What you do about it is up to you, most people would find this behaviour (soliciting for a shag with someone else) totally unacceptable, but some people will have forgiven worse (not that that's always a good idea). x

Mikkalina Fri 29-Jul-16 00:37:06

Sorry to hear about that OP. You must be feeling horrible right now. Try to take a photo or a screenshot of his account as he may delete it soon after you have talked to him. You could create your own account and message to him but I don't think you will want it.

doinotknowhowluckyiam Fri 29-Jul-16 01:49:36

I'm sorry OP. Nothing to add except that it sounds like you're having an awful night, too. Hope you're managing to get some rest.

Emmit91 Fri 29-Jul-16 01:58:25

I hope you are ok. When I was reading this I got so upset thinking about how you must be feeling and I just simply wish you all the best. Please just stay strong and do what you feel is right.

FolderReformedScruncher Fri 29-Jul-16 07:16:59

Total dealbreaker sorry.

adora1 Fri 29-Jul-16 12:22:33

No way you can stay with him now, is that Sugar Daddy site not where you pay money to young girls so they can buy stuff and send pics back.

Jesus Christ, no excuse for this, none.

blindsider Fri 29-Jul-16 12:35:58

Why don't you contact him through the site and ask him to buy you something really expensive. grin

whattodoay Fri 29-Jul-16 21:10:48

Sorry I haven't replied I've not had internet all day and was too tired last night to reply. I'm just not sure what to do anymore. He's away for work this weekend so I'll have a think

iamabitnosey Fri 29-Jul-16 23:50:55

contact him via the site with fake profile and see how he responds. Alternatively, contact him via his profile as you and see how many ludicrous excuses he can come up with.

Personally dh having an account is unacceptable regardless what he has done. If he can put those words out there it's shat he clearly really wants

newworldnow Sat 30-Jul-16 00:07:46

You don't need to have a think or talk to him. It's pretty clear what's happened and what his intentions are. Been there worn this t shirt.
So what are you going to do? Make yourself more exciting for him so he's not a sugar daddy? Do the pick me dance and wear more makeup?
No. You should tell him to fuck off like any person with some degree of self respect would. What's there to talk about? Or will you be glad of the attention he now deems fit to bestow upon you now he's caught. FFS.

newworldnow Sat 30-Jul-16 00:13:27

Be sure to read the script. He will follow it and lead you along like a lamb. The only way to get what you want is to throw him out and get some self respect.
What's he got to talk about that's worth hearing? He will blame you. Take control and shove his stuff out of the door.
He might show you the respect you deserve if you take control. Good luck and get rid you are worth so much more than this crap.

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