Hi all.
After 20 years of ea I have finally plucked up enough courage to Ltb.
I have been seeing a women's aid counsellor who has helped me immensely.
I have scrimped and saved for one and a half years to get enough for a months rent and deposit. Selling bits on eBay mostly. My sister has given me a bit of money and my 18 year old dd has lent me her birthday and Christmas money.
I have finally found a house for me and my two dds.
The thing is I keep doubting myself now. Now it's finally going to happen I'm so scared.
What if the Ea wasn't that bad, although every time I saw my counsellor she said it was definitely abuse and told me to get me and my children out.
Now all I think about is the good times although admittedly there wasn't many.
I'm sorry, I don't know what I'm looking for on here. Maybe a bit of hand holding?
Thanks for reading
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Leaving at last
flyblossom · 28/07/2016 17:00
Hand held and 
for getting this far. It is scary - that's natural, it's going to be very different. But it's going to be better; so much better. Fantastic!
I'm going through the same thing. I will be here for a while longer then I'm gone. Be strong. I too have panic attacks and I too am doing it for the sake of my dds, although they will have left home by the time I go. I just want to ensure they never have to live in the toxic atmosphere he creates again. Keep Strong.
6demandingchildren yes I will let you know how I'm feeling when I've left.
Thanks for the hand holding, it does help. 
buckingfrolicks thank you.
I'm sure that at least my daughters will be happier.
My stbex doesn't take any notice of them any more. Some days he doesn't talk to them at all.
They won't miss him, which is very sad.
Another handhold here OP Look at it this way, its either a short period of upheaval and scary newness (and you'll be amazed how quickly what initially seems new and strange becomes normal and familiar) or sticking with what you have indefinitely when it's obviously not making you happy. Any change is scary to begin with but the prospect of looking back over an unhappy life and regretting not making that change is truly terrifying, you only get one life and you deserve to be happy
Then you have nothing to fear and everything to look forward to OP. I think it's the anticipation element that's making you anxious here, I hope it's not too long now before you can make your move. Once it's done I suspect all your doubt will disappear, waiting to go, knowing he doesn't know what you're planning must be excruciatingly nerve wracking for you but once it's done you will be able to breathe easy again. Hang in there, I'll look forward to your 'I've done it!' post
Ok. I went down to the letting agents today to ask if everything was going ok with the house.
Apparently there is a problem. On the tenancy agreement, me and my daughter have to be in full time employment. In other words they won't accept dss even though the letting agent said they did.
This has really knocked me for 6. I was so close and now it's been snatched away.
Thats rubbish OP might be worth contacting the housing dept at the council, they usually have a list of landlords who do accept housing benefit. Don't give up, where there's a will....
No I won't give up. There is a 2 bedroom cottage for rent with the same letting agent. That accepts housing benefit unless he's got that wrong too.
2 bedroom won't be so bad. I can sleep in the living room while the girls have a bedroom each.
I will get in touch with the council on Monday In case it doesn't accept benefits.
Thanks for the encouragement.
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Keep going Flyblossom I was you 8 years ago and even now i still feel free, this will be you and your dds. It will be hard for a while but keep going as its so worth it.
Thank you all so so much for responding.
I don't think I've ever felt so lost and out of control.
I'll be ok. I had a good cry today. It made me feel a bit better.
He's off work for two weeks from Monday. Not looking forward to that. He'll get up at noon after having breakfast in bed and just watch crap on tv while lying full length on the sofa, expecting me to get everything he wants, and I do because it's easier to do that then to stand up to him and have him tantruming and sulking. Believe me, I have stood up to him before, it's not worth the drama.
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