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Problems with my brother

(12 Posts)
Lethimbloodygrowup Thu 28-Jul-16 02:09:09

So tonight i tipped up at work, was here less than 10 mins and my mum was on the phone telling me i need to go home!

Theres a huge back story to this, my brother bringing a pregnant girl home(not his baby), my brothers adiction to drugs, because of this i had to put a lock on ny door as things were going missing and brother smashing the house up, putting 2 windows through!

Well tonight he came to head, brother was arguing with a friend on his phone in his car, everyone in the street could hear, dad went out and told him to keep it down, brother told him to fuck off, dad was fumming, anyway 10 mins later he came in the house and my dad said if you ever talk to me like that again i will push that phone down your gob, brother instantly seen red( as always) picked something up and chucked it at my dad, mist my dad and hit my mum(shes got a massive bruise) my dad flipped at this point and got up and battered my brother, brother hit my dad over the head with a metal can and cut my dads head open!

Anyway asusal my mum has taken my brothers side, and i feel sorry for my dad because the last few months my dad has managed to hold his temper but once he it my mum that was it!

Anyway my dad has had enough and told my mum either my brother goes or he does! She said she will leave with my brother!

Im so pissed off and just needed a rant

tofutti Thu 28-Jul-16 05:00:47

How old is your brother?

Lethimbloodygrowup Thu 28-Jul-16 06:15:51

He is 20, over the last 5 months i have watched him destroy my mum and dads relationship

Northernparent68 Thu 28-Jul-16 06:16:51

To be honest I'd encourage your father to leave, if your mother wants to enable your brother you can't stop her.

you and your father should get on with your life's, and think seriously about going no contact with your brother.

Amelie10 Thu 28-Jul-16 06:25:56

Your brother sounds like an absolute waste of space, horrid and vile. Support your dad when he leaves your equally useless mother. She is enabling your db's behaviour and allowing her husband to be treated that way.

Cabrinha Thu 28-Jul-16 07:15:56

You need to tell your mother that work is work, and not to call you.

Your dad has to make his own decisions, but let's not forget that he threatened his son with violence, and then beat him up. I don't doubt that he's been pushed to the limit by the drug addiction - but most parents of addicted young adults don't beat them up.

Your mother is very protective of your brother, but you mention the deterioration in her marriage being the last 5 months. So potentially nearly 20 years of loving her child, and now seeing him screw his life up... I think a lot of mothers would feel that they had to choose their child over their husband at this point. (especially if their husband has a temper and has been violent)

I think the best thing you can do is move out yourself, and speak to a support group for the family of addicts. Protect yourself.

davos Thu 28-Jul-16 07:31:05

Why did you mother make you come home?

The whole dynamic sounds unhealthy.

How old are you? Is there anywhere you can move out to? Or can you leave with your dad?

Lethimbloodygrowup Thu 28-Jul-16 08:51:03

Cabrinha: its not only the drug adiction, there has been many intances over the years were my brother has pushed my old man to the limit but everytime my old man has always walked away, and last night it was a case of the straw that broke the camels back! My old man had a shit childhood, he also now suffers with PTSD from 22 years in the army, everyone has a breaking point and it got to that point last night! My brother is "different" and most people struggle to connect with him, i dont have a relationship with him because i cant connect with him, he lives in a dream world and its really hard to go along with, my missus is a mental health nurse and suspects he is on the Autistic spectrum!

@davos-- she didnt make me come home, must of worded it wrong, she asked if i could come back, and when my brother loses his temper he is capable of anything, his had a knife to my throat before, almost put a knife in my other brothers stomach, luckily my brother has quick reactions, he is dangrous and i was just worried about my mum!

And im 24, currently saving for a house so im between my house and my missus house!

Ive not long got in from work but have chatted to my mum, her and my old man are gonna sit down tonight and discuss there relationship, turns out they both havent really been happy for a few years, which they have hid well, if they end up splitting up im gonna go nc with my brother

Cabrinha Thu 28-Jul-16 09:01:55

If you choose to go NC with you brother that is totally understandable.

But you should do it because of your relationship with him.

You shouldn't do it (as punishment?) if your parents split up.

Lots of people split up without the complication of a difficult child, albeit Autism related or not.

Even without your brother, army life, PTSD, a bad childhood, a temper... you don't think that might have led to a marriage breakdown anyone?

You need to separate your feelings about your brother from your feelings about your parents splitting. You said it yourself - neither have been happy for years.

Do you think your parents will feel any better about a split if they think it is that which has driven the final nail into the coffin with your brother and you?

davos Thu 28-Jul-16 09:08:30

He has had a knife to your throat and your mum asked you to come back? She shouldn't have asked you to come back.

Look op, your mum has clearly decided that your brother comes first. She thinks nothing of bringing you into an already dangerous situation.

Going NC with your brother if your parents split should not be on the table. You either do or you don't. You don't make this decision based on what your parents do.

That's unfair to them and may lead your mum into trying to keep the marriage together.

Lethimbloodygrowup Thu 28-Jul-16 09:16:13

Like i said me and my brother dont have a relationship because i could never connect with him, also all the things he has done to me over the years!

Although my old man does have issues and does have a temper, ive never seen him lose it at my mum, ive seen them argue over the years but they always ended up laughing at each other, my mum just said they are like house mates, passing ships etc

Heatherplant Thu 28-Jul-16 12:54:21

How long have you and the Mrs been together? If she has a house and it's going down the 'moving in together' lines could you stay there? Personally I get where you're coming from, I'm NC with an alcoholic sibling for much the same reason. My sibling is just a disgusting human being and my life is much happier without them in it. My only regret is not going NC sooner and getting drawn in to their stupid Jeremy Kyle dramas for most of my late teens/early twenties.

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