Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Involvement with child's dad

(12 Posts)
jasmin6082016 Wed 27-Jul-16 19:04:16

Hi I'm looking for some advice please, my sons dad never wanted to be involved, never used to respond to text messages in the pregnancy, never turned up to any scans or appointments, left me and got a new partner, basically he told me where to go and that he doesn't care about his son and he never wanted contact with him or me again!

So my son was born on Monday and his mum has messaged my mum asking if he can see him as he regrets everything and was crying about it

Quite frankly I want to hear it from his mouth, even though I don't want him involved after everything he has caused me and him and how much stress he caused and how nasty and horrible he was, but I'm looking on some advice with what to do?

Baring in mind they are not the nicest family at all

twoundertwowillbefun Wed 27-Jul-16 19:08:40

I'd ask to hear it from him. Think about what you would like from him and his family in terms of support so you can lay it all out from the beginning....start as you mean to go on!!!

TheBouquets Wed 27-Jul-16 19:10:45

I would keep clear if it was me. I know of a father who behaved much along those lines. Said they would visit failed to turn up. Appeared at odd times through the child's life and often disappearing. It now transpires that there is a small army of this father's children who have all been treated the same. With the knowledge of that situation and the way this man has treated you and your baby I would not let him near the child.

Hassled Wed 27-Jul-16 19:11:57

He's never going to stop being your son's Dad. It'll never fully go away. So if there is any way to salvage some sort of working co-parenting relationship out of this then it''s probably worth trying, just to make your life easier in the long run. And while he was a bastard to you, he may turn out to be a good father. But yes, you need to hear it from him.

booksandcoffee Wed 27-Jul-16 19:12:26

Sorry to hear you have had such a rough ride with your son's dad. It is perfectly natural that you want to hear it from his mouth. Only you can judge whether haavine him in your son's life is good. If you think he will be a loving father it could be good, all the better if you can forgive him for being an arsenal until now. No matter what you decide, good luck.

ToadsforJustice Wed 27-Jul-16 19:19:23

It seems to me that his Mum wants to get involved. Be careful. He sounds like a useless deadbeat twat. Why would you want him your lives? I would do nothing and leave the ball in his court. If he really wants to be involved, let him contact you and not let his Mum do the talking.

SandyY2K Wed 27-Jul-16 19:31:16

If he isn't man enough to make contact and apologise, I'd be very very skeptical.
I'd tell her that unless you hear from him directly, then he can stay away.

Before he comes near your doorstep, an apology is required from his mouth at the very least.

How old is he anyway?

SandyY2K Wed 27-Jul-16 19:32:04

Sorry - I forgot to say congratulations on the birth of your little boy.flowers

jasmin6082016 Wed 27-Jul-16 21:36:22

Thankyou for all the advice, I'm 17 he's 19 so we're young, but still no excuses smile

Missgraeme Wed 27-Jul-16 21:40:47

Make sure it's his words not his mothers. My ex told me to have an abortion or we were finished. So I dumped him. His family coercede to give him a chance. He was basically a twat for 6 years til I had the strength to leave him. Stay strong and don't settle for less than u and baby deserve.

Joysmum Wed 27-Jul-16 21:43:59

I would advise your mum to say she's not willing to get involved and it's up to him to contact you.

Sounds to me like she's trying to make excuses for her son because she wants to be a nan, rather than him wanting to be a father.

Joysmum Wed 27-Jul-16 21:44:45

Either way, no good comes from messaging through others as it puts you and your mum at risk of falling out. He's not worth that is he wink

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now