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Do you know I am not sure I've been this angry for years

(31 Posts)
Memoires Tue 26-Jul-16 19:35:07

We've got a chap looking at sorting out our (grade II, very dilapidated) windows. I was watching the news, but when dh brought him in and introduced me, I switched it off and said hi, expecting them to sit down and we'd talk scary costs etc. DH then offered him a cuppa which he accepted. DH then said he'd have one too, ascertained how the man took tea, and then took him off to see more windows (we have lots), adding over his shoulder "my cup's over there..."

So I made tea. Then I waited while they looked at more windows. That's what he's there for; but actually dh had been showing off his guitars, and then they stood just outside the kitchen and talked about music. For 15 minutes. While I waited for dh to bring the guy in so we could all talk about the windows. After 10 minutes, I called out "tea's in here", dh said great, but made no move to come in and carried on talking music while the guy stood on the stairs.

They finally came in but dh was still standing around so the guy didn't sit either. I began to feel I had no part in this at all, except to provide drinks, so I said "well, I have things to get on with" to which dh jovially said "great" again, and I left the room.

Getting the windows done properly is a massive job and will cost thousands. I felt completely sidelined and dismissed. If the guy hadn't been there, I'd have chucked the tea away. In fact, I don't know why I didn't.

I know I'm being ur.

Newes Tue 26-Jul-16 19:38:57

Couldn't you have stayed and directed the conversation back to the Windows?

AnchorDownDeepBreath Tue 26-Jul-16 19:42:20

Is this an ongoing thing with DH?

I'd have said "Shall we discuss the Windows now? I've got something to do in 20 minutes" etc, but I'm quite used to dealing with things so I think it comes across that I'm expecting to be involved, IYSWIM. In your case it's like you were waiting for DH to involve you, or you were going to be a passive observer of the conversation.

I'm sorry you were made to feel sidelined in your own home, that's a horrid feeling.

AppleJac Tue 26-Jul-16 19:47:30

My husband is like this

Really pisses me off. I think its an attention thing he likes to show people what hes done, what hes bought, how sucessful he is etc.

It stems from having an abusive childhood though

Memoires Tue 26-Jul-16 21:03:24

Just like that, Applejac! All the time when he's showing off to people who might do some work for us or actually, pretty well anyone, now I come to think of it.

He always makes out I'm talking nonsense if I say anything about it, so I think it's me being ur and I feel silly.

Memoires Tue 26-Jul-16 21:04:48

My dh had a privilegeD upbringing, no abuse. Grammar school boy, popular, talented, well brung up in chi-chi suburbs, leafy green, idyllic.

snowy508601 Tue 26-Jul-16 21:11:56

Does your DH work alone? I have noticed that people who do nor have enough opportunity to chat during the day can't shut up!
I do think it is a very trivial thing to get so pissed about though.Are there deeper problems between you and your DH?

ExtraHotLatteToGo Tue 26-Jul-16 21:23:32

'My cups over there...'

'Is it? You'll find it difficult to make us all a cuppa then won't you, why not take it into the kitchen with you?'

...chat to window bloke...

'

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected Tue 26-Jul-16 21:28:55

I think you are a very lucky lady if you haven't been this angry for years over something SO utterly ridiculous! You need to get a grip!
Oh yes, and lucky you for having 'lots of windows.'

CurlyhairedAssassin Tue 26-Jul-16 21:32:28

Oh I would LOVE for my DH to get involved with all that home stuff. I organised a while extension with little to no involvement from DH. Currently been waiting 4 months for him to arrange a quote from a decorator who can do our hall and stairs because he said ages ago that his brother knew someone and "I'll sort it."

I rage inside and the lack of input and the fact that nothing would get done if it wasn't for me organising it.

MyCarsInBristol Tue 26-Jul-16 21:34:33

I love it when other people lose their shit over trivial things but I cant find anything to nod along with here

[disappointed]

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Tue 26-Jul-16 21:36:29

I'd have made the tea, taken it to them & then directed the conversation to the windows.

attsca Tue 26-Jul-16 21:45:56

If they get pally over their music, you might get a better price on the windows. <hopeful>

MummyBex1985 Tue 26-Jul-16 21:58:17

Sounds like my DH.

It pissed me off when tradesman come over and only seem willing to talk to him and then DH makes it worse by basically ignoring me and talking over me.

He could fuck right off if he expected me to make tea!

Cabrinha Tue 26-Jul-16 22:07:22

You sidelined and dismissed yourself!
Why weren't you also walking round your (many) windows with them?

From your follow up posts it certainly sounds like you do have a wider, but on this occasion, if you sit around waiting for them to come and talk to you instead of going to the action, of course they'll not bother to include you!

Why didn't you?

chitofftheshovel Tue 26-Jul-16 22:16:54

To be totally honest if you remained seated, which it sounds like you did, I can see how this happened. To be involved surely you need to stand up, make eye contact, stretch out your hand, shake hands with window man and take a bit of control - "right lets have a look at these windows..."
Or be happy taking a backseat when dealing with things around the home.
Sorry if that's harsh.

chitofftheshovel Tue 26-Jul-16 22:19:50

X post cabrinha

Cabrinha Tue 26-Jul-16 22:20:37

I agree with you chit grin

Kalispera Tue 26-Jul-16 22:22:57

Weirdest 'stealth boast' claim ever with the 'ooh get you and your many Windows' comment. hmm

NatureCreatesFreaks Tue 26-Jul-16 22:26:17

I'm with santas
Why didn't you take the tea to them and then direct the convo?
What's with the waiting in the tea making room (guessing kitchen?) do you only drink tea in this room?

Waltermittythesequel Tue 26-Jul-16 22:29:13

Do you usually overreact so much?

Why didn't you say "let's talk windows" at any point?

Is this really the thing that has infuriated you the most in years???

Hassled Tue 26-Jul-16 22:34:49

What's making you more angry - the fact you were excluded from the conversation or the fact the conversation wasn't about windows? Did they ever manage to talk windows? Is there a history of your DH making you feel sidelined and dismissed?

RunRabbitRunRabbit Tue 26-Jul-16 23:30:21

You waited nicely for the menz to decide when it was time for you to be involved in the discussion. Then when they didn't involve you, you announced you had to go off and do housework. confused

Be angry at yourself not at your DH.

You can't be totally passive then moan about other people not involving you.

Especially if you are a woman. Especially if the other people present have form for dismissing your views.

FFS you didn't even carry the tea over and say, "Right, I'm here, now we can talk about these windows."

Isetan Wed 27-Jul-16 08:11:50

I agree with Rabbit, since when do you need an invitation to have a discussion about a job being done in your home with your money? You're part of the problem here and you weren't excluded but chose not to include yourself.

This is a big girl nickers moment and not a PA 'he doesn't include me' pouting moment.

category12 Wed 27-Jul-16 08:20:05

Well you don't need to worry your pretty little head about money or windows now.

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