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DH told me I have fat legs...

(94 Posts)
Runningupthathill82 Tue 26-Jul-16 08:03:02

...And he's right, I do. I never seem to lose weight from them. And I appreciate his honesty, but at the same time I'm a bit upset that that's how he sees me.

This was last night. I was doing my strengthening exercises in the lounge and he commented that it's strange how I have such fat legs for someone who's otherwise slimmish and fit. He didn't say it in a mean way, but a matter of fact one. And he is right, I do!

Not sure why I'm posting really. I'm hurt. I made light of it at the time but today I'm feeling v self conscious and worried about putting my running shorts on.

I put on 4st while pregnant with DD (now 6 months) and have lost 3.5 of it. I thought I was doing well, but now I feel kind of crushed. And inadequate next to the lithe women at his running club who are all far teenier than me.

Not sure why he'd say what he did, and not sure why it's bothered me so much.

Princesspinkgirl Tue 26-Jul-16 08:05:05

It's a hurtful thing to say I would be upset to

Missgraeme Tue 26-Jul-16 08:06:08

I personally would have given him a fat lip so we were matching.

PuellaEstCornelia Tue 26-Jul-16 08:07:59

Have you told him he upset you? Sounds like he was being tactless rather than cruel. I would say that you were a bit hurt and see what he says

user1467976192 Tue 26-Jul-16 08:08:24

Tell him you can strangle a man with your thighs... He may learn to hold his tongue then

ToastDemon Tue 26-Jul-16 08:11:43

That would have really upset me too. My legs are very chunky in comparison to my torso so I'd feel very sensitive about a comment like that. After all we all want our intimate partner to think we are beautiful.

OnTheRise Tue 26-Jul-16 08:15:07

My cousin once told a friend of mine that she was built like a little Landrover, and that her thighs were HUGE.

He meant it as a compliment: he thought she was the sexiest thing ever, both because of her body (she's very strong and fit) and because of her personality. He was all starry-eyed when he said it. She was upset, and thought he was insulting her.

Perhaps if you speak to your DP and let him know how you feel about this, he'll be a little more tactful in future? But don't assume he meant it as an insult as he almost certainly didn't.

CatherineDeB Tue 26-Jul-16 08:21:50

It doesn't sound like he meant it in a horrid way OP. I would tell him how you feel.

To cheer you up. Cycling with DH recently (mega fit chap) I said "God, your arse is non existent in those shorts Husb you skinny bugger", he looked at my rear wheel or maybe it wasn't, and said "as a family I think we are well balanced Catherine". grin. Well deserved I reckon!

PonchosLament Tue 26-Jul-16 08:23:06

My legs are very chunky in comparison to my torso so I'd feel very sensitive about a comment like that. After all we all want our intimate partner to think we are beautiful.

Where did the OP say her husband doesn't think she's beautiful? That's the problem with commenting on weight/size. It's become so loaded in our society with women feeling their entire worth/value/attractiveness is tied up in how they look that a simple, factual observation is interpreted so negatively. The OP said he wasn't being mean, he was just passing a comment.

I'm not saying I wouldn't have been upset by it. A man made a similar comment to me once and I was devastated by it; largely because my mother always told me it was a feature that meant no one would ever love me or want me and that just confirmed it. But what can you do?

Congratulations on the weight loss!

Runningupthathill82 Tue 26-Jul-16 08:27:46

Oh, he definitely did mean it as an insult! As he went on to helpfully go through a list of exercises I could do to sort out the problem. He certainly does not think I'm the "sexiest thing ever" either.

He said that as a runner I should have much more toned legs and he can't understand why they're not. I pointed out that that's just where my body carries weight, and my mother and grandmother are just the same in terms of body shape.
I also pointed out that I'm not in tip-top form right now. After having DD six months ago, I haven't got back to full fitness. He didn't seem convinced by this, the insinuation being that I should just be trying harder.

For context, I'm a size 8-10, so not big enough for him to be genuinely worried about my size for health reasons. But my legs ARE big and wobbly, he wasn't making that part up.

I guess I'm still down on myself as I'm carrying babyweight still, and friends have also made disparaging comments about how come I put so much weight on in pregnancy, let myself go etc. I wanted to be back to my pre-preg weight before I go back to work, but I won't be. I'm feeling sensitive about it all at the moment. DH knows this.

wonkylampshade Tue 26-Jul-16 08:29:02

Mean bastard.

alltouchedout Tue 26-Jul-16 08:31:03

I asked dh to get me crisps on Saturday night and he said "no your arse is big enough already". Which it is, but I didn't need him to say that. Which he now understands!
Some people do not understand how comments like that hurt.

Thefitfatty Tue 26-Jul-16 08:31:32

As he went on to helpfully go through a list of exercises I could do to sort out the problem.

Is he a personal trainer? Because if he is he's a bad one.

You can't spot burn fat. You can do squats till the fucking cows come home but if your thighs are where you hold weight, there's fuck all you can do about it other than continue to lose weight and hope and pray it comes off your legs.

Tell him to fuck off to the far side of fuck and give him some exercises for him to do to get rid of his fat head. angry

NavyandWhite Tue 26-Jul-16 08:31:58

Ah OP. Well done for losing so much baby weight! You've done amazing.

It was tactless of DH and I would have been hurt too. Sometimes Mother Nature hands us things we can't really do much about and we have to just get on with it.

I would tell him that his comment has upset you though even if he didn't mean it nastily. Sometimes some things are better not said. flowers

Thenightswatch Tue 26-Jul-16 08:32:02

You don't sound like you have very nice friends.

Or husband for that matter.

Trills Tue 26-Jul-16 08:32:54

How old are you? If this is your body shape, didn't you know it already? I have legs that are wider than many people who are two or three clothes sizes up from me. (bit annoying for buying boots)

I think we've been attuned to hear "fat" as an insult rather than a description.

I don't think he meant anything bad by it, or that he meant that you are unattractive, he was just (naively) commenting on having noticed that different people have different proportions.

If he'd said "ooh, you've got long legs haven't you?" or "I've just noticed that your feet are quite small for your height", you wouldn't be feeling upset.

user7755 Tue 26-Jul-16 08:34:47

Tell him to fuck right off.

Tell him you're off out and he's doing everything until you have managed to calm down because he's an arrogant insensitive arsehole who needs to engage his brain, empathy and common sense.

Then go somewhere nice (far away from him).

Trills Tue 26-Jul-16 08:35:13

Sorry, cross-posted there. Your second post puts it in a different light.

kittybiscuits Tue 26-Jul-16 08:35:42

I love it when people know what other people who they have never met actually meant.

NavyandWhite Tue 26-Jul-16 08:36:39

What's with all the "'tell him to fuck off "?
The OP has said twice that he's normally really lovely and didn't mean it horribly just stating a fact.

Telling him to fuck off is going to help how?

Dozer Tue 26-Jul-16 08:36:50

Your second posts make it clear he was being critical and hurtful. Not acceptable, especially when you have a baby and have lost 3.5 stone FFS. What are you going to do about it? Hopefully not play the "pick me" dance with women with thin legs at running.

Fitness is not about achieving some silly ideal of a good body shape!

I have heavy thighs and loads and loads of cellulite, always have whatever weight I am, it's not my best feature but any bf or partner who criticised or suggested ideas to try to change them would show me he's not a decent bf.

Dozer Tue 26-Jul-16 08:38:08

Oh, and I do lots of fitness classes and stuff, so said chubby legs are strong!

AuldYow Tue 26-Jul-16 08:39:10

He sounds totally tactless, I bet if you told him how it made you feel he'd be mortified. So I think you should tell him, yes he right, yes you agree with him but he should have the sense to serve it and point out the positives - you're a size 8/10, lost weight and making positive steps towards your goal.

My own 'lovely' DH agreed I had a wobbly tummy and had I considered liposuction!?! In his world he was being 'helpful' hmmconfused

WorzelsCornyBrows Tue 26-Jul-16 08:42:05

So you've lost most of the baby weight in just six months and you're back out running and he saw fit to tell you you have fat legs, then made some "helpful" suggestions for how to improve them?

Hell no. He's being a dick. Tell him he's upset you.

user7755 Tue 26-Jul-16 08:42:11

Navy - he meant it nastily, and even if he didn't, telling him to fuck off is a perfectly legitimate response to his behaviour. He's out of order.

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