Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Out of curiosity...

(50 Posts)
Getit Mon 25-Jul-16 22:53:36

If your dh cheated and lied did you or have you ever successfully managed to fully trust another man long term?

pinkyredrose Mon 25-Jul-16 22:55:25

No. Happened to me once but oncertainly the trust was broken that was it and I'll be damned if I ever go through that again.

pinkyredrose Mon 25-Jul-16 22:55:41

Once

pinkyredrose Mon 25-Jul-16 22:56:40

Oh I miss read sorry!!! Yrs I did trust again, just not the original guy!

Doinmummy Mon 25-Jul-16 22:57:31

No I don't fully trust anyone .

Getit Mon 25-Jul-16 22:58:36

Pinkyredrose - so you never have doubts?

Itsnowornever01 Mon 25-Jul-16 23:00:47

Doinmummy said. I don't trust anyone that would be just silly smile.

NickiFury Mon 25-Jul-16 23:02:33

No. Never and never will. It was a lot more than cheating and it frightened me what some people are capable of. I never saw it coming either, he literally switched overnight so I would always be waiting for that to happen again.

FreeFromHarm Tue 26-Jul-16 00:18:32

Nope, I do not trust anyone, I am always looking ahead now and for an agenda and guess what recently I have trusted my instincts and for the first time in my life I have been right, sad isnt it :O(

Bastardshittits Tue 26-Jul-16 00:41:20

I don't trust anyone after some of the bullshit I've been subjected to. I've never accused a subsequent partner of anything but it's always in the back of my mind.

pinkyredrose Tue 26-Jul-16 00:43:43

Oh yes I definitely have doubts! There's not.many people I fully trust though and it takes a long time to get there.

Getit Tue 26-Jul-16 07:22:31

So how do people like us ever escape from the past ? Or is that the legacy our experiences leave us with forever? And how is that fair?

Getit Tue 26-Jul-16 07:23:30

The bastards move on but we never do?

Destinysdaughter Tue 26-Jul-16 07:25:52

Good question and I don't know the answer! I find it v hard not to be cynical these days as I find men always let me down and I'm kind of just waiting for that to happen when I meet someone new.

greenemmas Tue 26-Jul-16 07:41:32

Move on

RingUpRingRingDown Tue 26-Jul-16 08:02:46

No, I don't fully trust him (but then I'm not 100% sure I fully trust myself either).

I don't know for sure that he actually did anything but I know that he signed up for one of those websites where married people meet for sex. And he knows that I know (took wrong phone by mistake one day).

Getit Tue 26-Jul-16 08:06:52

Its not that easy! Its impossible to just " move on"
Even if outwardly you move on, for years even ,inwardly emotionally you will have barriers up. Always wondering are they stringing me along? Are they losing interest? Will they cheat? Will I be back where I was?

Improvisingnow Tue 26-Jul-16 08:16:52

Not a chance. I think once you have been through something so significant, you can't help but learn from it. My exH cheating has actually turned me right off the idea of any close relationship except the one with my children.

Evergreen17 Tue 26-Jul-16 08:27:59

Yes!!! My fiancee. After 4 exes that I never trusted (2 of them that cheated on me plus the original culprit)

I can trust him blindly.

I was attracted to the wrong kind of guys and I also had some issues to work on smile

Getit Tue 26-Jul-16 08:31:00

Can I ask evergreen17 ? What is it about your fiancee that is different? Is it personality? Is it how he makes you feel?

PonchosLament Tue 26-Jul-16 09:13:04

I haven't done yet, and I've not been proved wrong yet.

honeyroar Tue 26-Jul-16 09:25:37

Yes from me too. It took me a few years and I never thought that I would initially. But my husband had been cheated on and hurt by his first wife, and knew exactly what I'd been through. He always put me first and made me feel special. We have very similar morals. Twelve years on and we're very happy. Plus the ex that hurt me has faded into total insignificance as has his lies and cheating.

Don't let them ruin your life. They haven't ruined you for life, they haven't given you a legacy of distrust. You're in charge of whether you trust again and how you move on. Don't let them mess up any more of your life. Kick them out of your head. It might take time, a lot of time, (and you might not believe it now, I was there) but you can get past it.

DraenorQueen Tue 26-Jul-16 10:51:56

I was cheated on for over a year but an absolute waste of space. He made an utter fool out of me and, predictably, I was the last to know.

I've been single for a few years now, bar the odd fling, and I feel it's been massively beneficial. It's helped me hone my twat radar and understand my own worth. I absolutely would trust a man again but I would listen very carefully to my spidey senses and NEVER get in a position where I couldn't end the relationship if I needed to.

FreeFromHarm Tue 26-Jul-16 11:09:38

its all about the red flags now, some men ooze them and some hide them very well. are you still with him Gettit ? anything particular you are seeing red about ?

isthismylifenow Tue 26-Jul-16 11:22:39

To answer your question Getit, no.

I was cheated on, although we tried to make it work I never fully trusted him again. Not together anymore, but what convinces me that I will never trust again 100% is the men that have tried to cheat on their wives with me, since stbx and I seperated. (there was a long thread about it).

Just the normal family guy that you would never have expected it from.

So, although my stbx cheating on me, did the first level of damage of me trusting again, its the currently married men that have come on to me, that have done the most damage to my trust levels.

But then again, this is all new and fresh for me, so everything is a red flag to me at the moment, my radar has just gone bonkers and probably over the top. It would be nice to trust someone 100% again one day, but I don't see it happening for me. I just cant be hurt like that again by anyone.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now